Am I Obliged to Be the Breadwinner?

I am the eldest child in the family.  My Mom broke up with my Dad 28 years ago.  We used to have financial difficulties so I had to look for work.  I have no college degree and I work at home as a transcriptionist.  With my earnings I support three adults -- my 58-year-old mother, my 29-year-old brother, and my 26-year-old sister.

I'm not happy with my job anymore.  I want to shift to web development and design but I cannot study because I don't have extra time.  I also don't have enough space.  I share a very small room with my sister.

I want to move out of our apartment.  I want to rent a room and live all by myself.  I just want to work.  Sometimes, I'm obliged to do some housework, to do the dishes.  I work my butt off and still, I have to do some housework.

My sister is in her senior year in college.  Perhaps she can find work next year and she can support herself. My brother wants to go back to school.  His adoptive father is willing to finance his studies, but his adoptive dad wants me to continue to support him.  My mother is jobless.

I am 33 years old.  I want to live my life in my own terms.  I can't do that because I have obligations to fulfill.  Or am I really obliged to support my family just because I'm the eldest? I didn't choose to be born ahead of my siblings. I have needs that I cannot fulfill because I have to put others first.  I sometimes feel that I'm being unfair to myself.  Am I being selfish for feeling this way?






bluemoon143 bluemoon143
31-35, F
Feb 23, 2009