Is Anyone A Parent Of A Child With This Disorder?

We adopted a troubled teenager a few years ago, she has since been identified as having this. Um, Wow- what a difficult person to live with! I feel so bad for those of you who have a parent with this diagnosis, how damaging this must be for you emotionally. It is a constant, daily stress trying to keep a peaceful relationship with her. Some of her behaviors are just shocking- like starting a fight with other girls so she could get suspended and we would have to pick her up from school because her grandmother was dying of cancer and she couldn't stand everyone paying so much attention to her. Then there are the little, daily things like secretly peeking at peoples birthday gifts so that when everyone is about to watch the birthday girl/boy open gifts, she can shout out what they are (ruining the surprise) and everyone looks at her, giving her that much desired attention. (They don't care if it's good or bad attention, either!) Slowly but surely we are taking baby steps to normalcy but it is a rough journey, and my sympathies are with you all.
aCoy aCoy
26-30, F
5 Responses Jul 26, 2012

I would recommend approaching it with love and compassion as well, and do your best to read up on this disorder to understand her better, but please: don't ease way up on the discipline just because she has a disorder. I don't know how long my own mother acted all crazy and violent, but I do know my always timid grandmother suffered for decades from it, and she went to her grave still fearing my mom's outbursts. Really: Nip the poor behavior if you can. Don't put up with too much B.S. from this kid. Try to help her heal, but with the unyielding expectation that she will work towards that goal also, so she doesn't make people around her scared & miserable for the rest of her life.

I typed up a long response, which I unfortunately lost. In short: it sounds like the teen you adopted is reacting to a negative upbringing. She may have BPD now in reaction to what was done to her, and how she was raised, but with help and understanding it may not be too late for her to change. It sounds like she is what I refer to as a "black hole" someone who needs all the attention they can get, and usually achieves this goal through maladaptive ways; and it sounds like she prefers negative attention. I hope she is in therapy. If you haven't already, I would recommend the book "Walking on Eggshells". Compassion is probably called for with this girl, and unfortunately the diagnosis and her behavior make it harder for people to give her what she needs; she can't break free from it if that is what people expect from her, and it is what she expects from herself. I wish you the best of luck in figuring out how to make the situation work.

Yes we did, she is like my hubby's 3rd cousins wife's Brothers kid or some such thing; a distant relative that we had not met before. so I would love to say we were saintly and just plucked a kid out of an orphanage from the goodness of our hearts but really it wasnt that kind lol. We just felt like it was life or death/prison for her if we didn't adopt. We figured she would have issues because of her upbringing but didn't know what they would be.

Then I guess you need ALL of the love and patience you can get. Bless you for making the efforts. SOMEONE has to look out for these folks! We all need help in some kind of way ; some of us more than others. But, god bless the kindhearted folks that accept the challenge

"It is a constant, daily stress trying to keep a peaceful relationship with her." my ex-wife and others I know fit this

you adopted a child with this condition ?