Is Someone With Borderline Really Incapable Of Loving?

Everyone loves my mother. She is very giving, a good listener, has great parties where everyone eats too much, drinks too much, is too loud. She is generous, a good cook. I wish I knew her. I wish she treated me the way she treats other family members, people she knows. She never has.

Perhaps it's because i established early on to not *need* her. I was the good girl, tried to do what I was told (of course never got it right because the rules kept changing) until I just couldn't hold it all up any more... and lost my mind to PTSD.

I will not be manipulated. I don't respond to demands for attention, to whining, to constant "it's all so awful" without holding that person accountable for their contributions to what has happened or for making a plan for moving forward in different ways. We all need to vent from time to time - then we move on. that is NOT what I refer to here.

It is a great sadness for me to not be able to connect with my mother. I have never been what she wanted, never pleased her. I often wonder what she sees of herself in me that she hates so much. I am tired of being the adult in our relationship.
mikamii mikamii
41-45, F
Aug 4, 2012