My Mother Is Toxic.I grew up fighting with her, slamming doors, writing in my diary that she is crazy and I hated her. Cried myself to sleep most nights and felt trapped in a horrible place where I was always blamed for things and insulted for no reason.
Now that I am 20, I am beginning to realise that there is actually something wrong with my mother. Her behavior never feels appropriate to me. When she is happy, she is childlike, immature, dismissive, and honestly... annoying. When she is in a bad mood, be it angry or sad, I go from being the most amazing person in the world, to the spawn of satan.
She plays victim about everything, especially in relation to her children. It has always been a give and take. She expected us to treat her like she treated us.. not on a normal level though. To the point of her thinking being a relatively acceptable mother was a favor of some sort. She continuously told me that I was lucky she was my mother, because other women would have kicked me out long ago. Whenever we do something (like leave food wrappings until we get up next) she begins to do her favourite attack of all, even now. She seems to think it is a flawless argument that proves we are horrible people. "You wouldn't do that at ___(insert friend's name, or friend's parents name)___ house!" or the rhetorical question "would you do that at _____'s house?". usually the answer was yes, as we weren't actually doing anything wrong.. However she would then just call us liars and continue yelling.
She even snaps in public, like a child throwing a tantrum.
I recently moved back in with her but I am instantly regretting it.
I don't know how to deal with this..
If I ever try to point her inappropriate behavior out to her, she either denies or turns it back on me.
I tell her that she raised her voice, she says I did first. However, I am very careful not to.
It's starting to make me wonder if I'M the crazy one.
Our versions of the past are ALWAYS different, and she always uses the "mother" card as proof that I have to respect her and she is right.
It's getting to the point where I want to move overseas and never speak to her again.