My Mother Has Borderline And I Dont Know How To Feel Or Heal.

My mother gave me this book "surviving a parent with borderline.." As i am reading it i realize that she truly must have it because everything fits. However why would she give this to me? Is this one of those "lucid moments" that the book is talking about or is this yet another one of her manipulation tactics? Either way the book is helping i think however it implies that it may be better for me if i nevr talked to her again but how do i read something that is telling me that it is not her fault but i should still leave her for it. On the other hand i am also very angry that she can blame everything she has done to me on illness al i just suppose to let her do whatever and remind myself that its not her fault? I cant do that.
newlearning newlearning
18-21, F
5 Responses Dec 25, 2012

At least she is willing to admit that she has borderline! My mother would never cop to it! She doesn't have to because she hides behind her money and has no real relationships with other people! Everything is an act! I'm so tired of her mental, verbal, and sometimes physical abuse. I feel so alone and totally can empathize with you. Just know that your not alone and be thankful for small miracles! Every little bit helps get you through!

I counted the minutes until I could afford to leave. Mine charged me high rent to stay with her, 700 a month and tied up all our money in the same account. I found a roommate at work and never looked back. I agree with the others, get out as soon as it is feasible. Make sure you can afford to never go back, work two jobs if you have to. I know the conflicting emotions can be difficult, if you have insurance and can afford therapy, go. See if there are any universities that have graduate psych students, they offer counseling at free or reduced cost. If you're in college, take advantage or nearly free or free counseling service there. My college counselor saved my sanity. Putting yourself first is really hard because you've been conditioned not to, but think of it like a new habit. For now, stay out of the house as much as you can. Best wishes!

I like the response you got from another lady. Protect yourself, take care of yourself. Do what you have to to separate yourself internally and externally from the BPD. i know it must be hard if you are living at home and need financial support... maybe there is someone out there you can move in with long term. I know a BPD that has had years of therapy and is on medication....and she does fairly well. But for the most part....parents with BPD... get out as fast as you can. Good luck .. wishing you a well and safe journey

my experience with my parental borderline is to stay away. I make very short calls every other day. But you are young and live at home. My experience is to live apart. In my opinion, just because they are "ill" doesnt resolve them of the responsibility to be a loving parent. Blaming the sickness is very unhealthy. I understand that she admitted she is unhealthy but that is not good enough. She needs therapy, medication etc etc... In the meantime, be good to yourself... maybe someday soon you will be able to move out on your own. Each BPD is so different. Mine, I ran screaming from. Took 51 years to weed out all the *** up inside of me. I am still dealing with some issues because of her but soon I will be able to put up a complete wall between her and I and leave it there for the rest of my life. Good luck. I support you in your journey.

It's a huge step that she's admitted it. My son's mother was diagnosed by his Dr. and she decided he was wrong and split him....Won't go on and on but dealt with for 18 years and only in the last 4 realized what it was. Besides observing the behaviors intimately for all that time, countless hours interacting online have read 24 books, although focused on patterns of behavior...Which can be Emotionally Abusive....learn what you my son is 19 now and won't digress right now but wish you well....There are way not to get caught up in the drama....Would suggest "Stop Walking on Eggshells"...and once you recognize that this disorder typically causes the bpd to view the world in a much different way than others....Good Luck and it's not your fault.