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I Am A Borderline, With A Daughter ,who I Hope I Didn't Ruin?

I am 36. I am a borderline. I think my mother is. She kicked me out at15....I've been on my own since then. I think my grandmother may be one, she is seriously mentally ill.neither her or my mother have ever been diagnosed and refuse to go to counseling. I have been going to therapy since my daughter was six or so. I thought I was ruining her. I love her so much, and I tell her every day. But even though I take my meds and meditate, I am still a royal *** sometimes. I yell, and when she starts raging and cussing at me ( I forgot to include that my daughter is mentally ill. Sensory processing disorder, possible mild asperger's. but a genius IQ, and her psychiatrist says maybe bipolar) , sometimes I yell back. And cuss. And before I was in therapy, there were some bad days were my moods were horrible and up and down and I know my anger scared her. That breaks my heart every day. I have apologized over and over. I do not ever want her to feel like I did at fifteen with no where to go. She is fourteen now. My heart breaks when I read all of your stories, not only because you all felt the pain that you felt, but because I don't want my daughter to feel that way about me. I will never abandon her but I can't promise to be perfect, my illness gets the best of me sometimes. My only goal is to keep getting better for her and my son, who is not mentally ill. I hope all of you find some peace, as a borderline mom this is heartbreaking.
Borderlinemom Borderlinemom 36-40 1 Response Dec 30, 2012

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wow, I am not even sure what to say after reading your story. My maternal parental is now 92 (i am 51). There is no hope for her. She refuses any help. I was adopted into her family at 3 days old. I didn't have any genetic mental illness....but after growing up with that woman (well, i know you know). I really like your story. Good luck. And thank you for being a mom who is changing and doing her best for her children.