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I'm 38 Years Old And Just Realized That It's Not Normal To Be Abused Like This.

I have been doing some research to try and figure out a way to justify cutting off my relationship with my mother in an attempt to protect myself from more abuse. I found out a year ago that My mother likely suffers from BPD. I just confirmed it for myself through research that I've been doing. I also suffer from some of the symptoms to a lesser degree. I've done A LOT of work to heal myself and its going as well as it could with me. I still exhibit a bit of narcissism which is a bit heart breaking when I have a hard time connecting to the needs of others. A work in progress. Anyway I sit here heavy hearted writing this mourning the loss of hope for some healthy expression of Love from my Mother and it is touching to learn more about this disorder and learn that I'm not alone in this. Prayers go out to the sufferers of abuse in all it's forms. Prayers go out to our Mothers that they might find peace.

Sincerely Matthew
mtsthrln mtsthrln 36-40 2 Responses Jan 13, 2013

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Hi there,
You don't need to find a reason to cut her out of your life. You already have one. She hurts you, abuses you, purposefully. In order to heal, you need to end the codependent cycle that you are a part of with her.
Be strong. You can do this.

I am 39 and just started being able to put a label on how my mother treats me. If I do not do what she thinks I should be doing she literally cuts me out of her life. In fact, two weeks ago I stayed at her house overnight with my fiance and his 5 year old son. When i woke up in the morning, the 5 year old was in my mom's room watching tv. So i though "oh i'll join them". I honestly thought "fun". As soon as i sat down my mother started pressing me about things i need to get done today, tomorrow, and the future. I said to her "can we please not discuss tasks right now". She cursed at me, in front of the 5 year old, and starting saying how "we never talk anymore". Note that I call her every other day and also e-mail her at least 1 time per week. Then she said as soon as I am done moving (i a in the process of moving from PA to CT) that she is "done with (me)". That is a direct quote! I haven't spoken to her since. She did speak to my fiance and told him that i am mad at her and other speakings of me being a bad child even though she did nothing wrong. She is crazy! I cannot stand it anymore!

I have a sister who is older and has already cut her out of her life for the most part. Do you have any siblings? If so, how do they react to your mother?

Well, it's good to know that we are not alone.

Peace be with you.

h