Just Doing My Duty

When my mother was still alive I never Thought I'd feel like this about her mother. I don't hate my borderline grandma, I would just like her to keep quiet for 10 minutes after she gets home and not point out all the things I didn't do and then continue to curse and scream at the top of her voice that I'm selfish, useless, a **** and the latest I'm the devil's child and all this time I'm asking myself "what did I do? What was that for?" then she'll reply "you didn't switch the kettle on when i asked you to"
Hello!!! Is there something i'm missing here? So I'm a *****, selfish etc because i didn't switch on the kettle?
That's just crazy and before i joined this site, i used to run around the house looking for anything i might have missed while cleaning or forgot to put in its place. For the sake of peace. Just so she wouldn't scream at me, slam the door or call me names.
So i quit
I don't do it anymore, i don't try to please her or make her happy it's impossible.
I tried, i failed its driven me a little crazy, a little narcissistic but I'm fine because sometimes its so crazy that i can't help but start laughing or wishing she was gone already forever

Princesco Princesco
2 Responses Jan 16, 2013

"I tried, i failed"

You did not fail. You are not a failure. You are a survivor, and you are doing your best to figure out how to survive in an abusive situation. Your grandmother is the one who failed. She has failed to treat you with the respect all human beings deserve, let alone her family. She is placing responsibility for her feelings onto you and using you, like a human punching bag, to vent.

You never failed. You did the best you could to satisfy an impossible woman and an impossible situation. You were right to give up. Don't feed her anymore. Ignore her. Don't give her any more power over you. She is unworthy to be called your family after the way she has treated you.

Have you sought out any form of counseling for this issue? It will help. You are not crazy, the situation is crazy. It may make you feel crazy only because the insanity and impossibility of the situation is eating away at you. But you are stronger than this and you will overcome it. There is nothing wrong with wishing she wasn't here anymore. I wrestle with similar feelings myself. But before she is gone for good, you should learn how to overcome her so that you never end up in this position ever again. You may be able to do this on your own, but counseling would certainly help.

Good luck to you. I know what you are going through and you are not alone. None of us are, and we need to remember that. No matter how long it takes, this is something we will overcome, and we will achieve freedom from this mess. We will survive and we will heal.

Do not let this individual degrade you. This individual is verbal abuseing you. Do not let her get to you. This is the devil attacking you. Go to Joyce Meyer Ministries web site for help how to handle abuse.watch her videos and you will see and feel better. Joyce Meyer was sexual assaulted by her dad for years. her mother knew about it and did nothing. Joyce actually tell you her whole story. A lot of us that have been abused do not know, what to do or where to go. Believe me you want to be able to stop her. Joyce Meyer will help you. Please do not pass this behiavor down to your children.