Long Story….I am the 25 year old mother of a beautiful boy, and wife to a generous and kind man; I am surrounded by love every day between the two of them and could not ask for more. But I still remain the adult survivor of a Borderline Parent. It consumes me.
I remember growing up being the 'black sheep' in my mother's world. My brother was the preferred child, a prodigy of her own cruel behaviours and it extended into a world of sexual, physical and mental/emotional abuse. Thankfully, my brother moved halfway across the country before I turned twelve and so the majority of the abuse ended. What remained, however, was the physical abuse and emotional terrorism.
I was once dragged to the Emergency Hospital Triage centre where I lived, bound at the ankles and wrists by duct tape. It was my first and last experience with a Psychiatrist until recently. My mother sat in the room across the hall painting an immoral and untrue image of who I was. I was treated according to the picture she painted by the staff, the PhD's and anyone "in the know". She later extended this fabrication of my "bad behaviour" to her friends who would frequent the house and openly ridicule and reprimand me.
My childhood is broken up into sad and pathetic memories of my trying to forever please my mother, constantly feeling inadequate, her abuse and memory failure. I cannot remember anything directly relating to my childhood without my mother being the main character as if in a play. I remember from my childhood her onslaught of boyfriends like foot traffic through a revolving door. I remember questioning in my teens every day what I had done wrong, etc.
Now, I am happy to say after many years of "issues" mentally within myself, and a fear of becoming or being BPD myself I saw a Psychiatrist last week. I have been allowing myself to be assessed, and I am being as upfront and honest as humanly possible. I am not BPD. I do, however, suffer from social phobia, slight OCD as a coping mechanism and bouts of depression as a result from not sleeping (social phobia can cause insomnia. Yay!).
I hope anyone who reads this or another story seeks help, from a professional. Friends, acquaintances, other persons stories…. Nothing will help you get resolution in any amount without therapy.