Nothing Affected Me More

The reality of life is that we are a product of both our biochemical tendencies and our environment.  Part of being an adult is trying to understand those influences and in many cases making the effort to re-wire your brain as much as possible.  My mother was 17 and my father was 16 when they had me.  They both finished school and they got married.  Their life plays out like an After School Special on teenage pregnancy.  My mother was the homecoming queen and my dad was the "Most Handsome" football player.  They came from different worlds.  My mother was spoiled and had no mental stimulation beyond practicing the latest Cheer leading sequence.  My father has worked since he was 8 years old and understood responsibility in a very different way.  I have no doubt that they loved each other, but love at that age is a very different thing. Having a child so young is something that changes every aspect of life.  They had no chance to develop mentally, enjoy life as an adult, or have any measure of comfort.  I believe strongly that children shouldn't have children.  I used to judge teenage mothers quite severely.  How could anyone be so blind as to the risks of having sex and unprotected at that.  I am far less judgmental now and accept that everyone makes mistakes, unfortunately some mistakes have greater consequences than others.  Some mistakes even affect people beyond yourself to a fascinating degree. I try to scare the crap out of every teenager I come across, when it comes to sex.  My parents are still married and whether they should be is a different issue.  I have two brothers and none of us have children.  My father did a wonderful job of securing in our mind how having children can truly ruin all of your dreams.  He was honest and never sugar coated anything.  As if we weren't already convinced by the violence and mental illness of my mother that the "family ideal" isn't a worth while pursuit.  I have asked my mother why she didn't get an abortion and explained that in my eyes that would have been the rational choice.  She deludes herself into thinking that she is happy with her choice and I think that is part of her problem.  I find dishonesty very disturbing.  I find the idea of never examining your life even more disturbing.  I know that my view is very skewed and sometimes I don't look at everything from a completely stand away view.  I do think that being teenage parents affected every aspect of their own and their children's lives.  It gave us violence, poverty, and a generally unhappy atmosphere.

Krypton Krypton
31-35, F
9 Responses Feb 24, 2009

I am a child of a 20 year old actually 19 when I was born. I have been beaten, kicked molested locked in closets and often wondered why my mom did not abort me. I would argue soundly with people that I would have been better off. But when my daughter was pregnant with my third grandchild and there was a problem, I realized that I did not really believe abortion was our right or that it was best.I am now so very thankful that my mom did not abort me, that she gave me a chance to live and enjoy the wonderful things God had in store for me and especially my wonderful grandson whom God chose to take back after he was 4 1/2 years old. Wow if for no other reason, than to be here for him that's enough.

Thank you for sharing this insightful story. Though I've read many stories about teen parents with the happily ever after ending, I appreciate your story and perspective.

Reading your story has made me see things in another light. I, myself am 19 years old and have just given birth to a child a week and two days ago. I knew throughout the whole pregnancy that I wouldn't be able to provide for him the way I wanted. I made the desicion to give him up for adoption. I grew up as a child of a single 16 year old mother, and I never wanted my son to go through that struggle. Very true about the violence, poverty, and unhappiness. His adopted family is wonderful and they love him as much as I do. They can provide him everything I couldn't as a parent. Plus he will grow up with a mother and father present which is very important to me considering I have never had that chance. I do miss my son terribly and I wish things could have been different, but I know in my mind that this was for the best of my son. Thank you for sharing your story.

Yeah, they got a little side tracked the past 20 years working on that viagra stuff. I'm sure it's back on top of the to-do list by now.

Scientists has been working on that. HAVEN'T THEY!! haha, Ya it sucks, but for now the biochemical aspect is on us.

And where are all the birth control options for males?

I think everyone would love to have parenting be similar to getting a drivers license. You have to be a certain age, you have to take a test, and someone has to check up on your eye sight every year. The problem is that in order to prevent pregnancy you have to do things to a females body that not everyone wants to do. I used to be fairly radical in that I would suggest putting all girls on forced birth control until the age of 20 or so. OK, Very Very Radical. haha I just believe that many of the problems and horrors of our society could be resolved in one generation if people didn't have children until certain qualifications were met, age and mental stability being two big ones. Fulfilled and stable adults have a more enjoyable time with children, in my experience. When parents enjoy their children it makes for happier and more stable children, in my experience.

This is a sad, but very thought provoking story, Krypton.<br><br />
Some of the worst parenting I have seen, was by those who planned every detail of their life with children. Ha, if only that were possible.<br><br />
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It's all very complicated, isn't it? If I want to adopt a dog from the shelter, I am asked dozens of questions, provide all the necessary shots, and in some cases prove that I have a fenced in yard. No one questions your qualifications to be a parent. Even if you are a 16 yr.old girl, they will pat you on the back for doing the right thing and having the baby.<br><br />
I'm kind of rambling here, I know. Because it IS so subjective. I can hear how hard things were for you, but at the same time, I adore you and am really glad you are here! I have had three children and one abortion. I do not regret any of my decisions. I am just grateful that I was allowed my decisions.

I come out a bit harsher than I really am about these things. It is more of a personal reflection that my own parents weren't ready for children and were not able to have the time to expand and learn, that is what I meant by mentally developed. I think the importance of free time is under-estimated. All stories are unique and no one knows what goes on between two people besides the ones involved. The fact that they stayed together only shows me that they chose to not leave. My father stayed because he couldn't bear to leave us alone with our mother, he tried once and it didn't work out well. My mother stays because she can't be alone, she also tried and it doesn't work out well. There is obviously more to my story than I tell here and not every family started by teenagers is the same. This just happened to be mine. I do believe in taking responsibility for your choices and they did just that. There are no easy answers and no solution that can solve every example. Personally, I am a big proponent of abortion.<br />
I enjoy seeing a different view. :) Friend