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Dearest Father.

I know I've said this once before (Remember that time you slammed me against the wall with your hands around my throat and then when you finally let me fall to the floor- sobbing and begging you to leave me alone- you laid the boot in?) but I ******* HATE YOU!

I have tried so god damned ******* hard to love you and look after you.

I give up. I wash my hands of you. I'm 24 I shouldn't be trying to clean up the messes created by the man who is supposed to look after me.

I hope you're satisfied. You've finally pushed everyone away.

I was the last thing you had now even I'm gone.

Just keep drinking. Keep thinking the world owes you something.

Because now you have nothing and no one gives a ****.

Sincerely, your lost and broken daughter.
BeteNoire BeteNoire 26-30, F 9 Responses Aug 3, 2011

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I was the lost and broken daugher too. He pushed everyone away. He died and hardly anyone went to his funeral. I didnt go, my sister didnt go, mother didnt go, his sister didnt go and his life long best friend didnt go.

He hurt us badly, my mother lost her home because of him. We tried everything to help him. he just abused us. Used and abused us. He died on his own in the end.

People only focus on the alcoholic. They dont focus on the ones who suffer more and that is us!! The drinker is in that little selfish world of their own. We are not. We live the nightmare.

Don't care about some one who doesn't care about you. I forgot about my father long time ago and this was good decision. Be strong and think about yourself. You should be the most important character in you live.

This is probably one of the worst things we have in common... except my dad didn't lay the boot in, and he's dead now. He did what he wanted all his life and ended up dead at 51. I'm not sorry, and there is no reason for you to feel bad about the decision you've made for yourself so don't hesitate and don't look back.

I have no doubt that in this case there is a definite possibility of splitting. (I know I've done it before. lol) Unfortunately there isn't much chance he'll be able to redeem himself now. <br />
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It is definitely how I'm protecting myself. I feel an ounce of compassion I fear I will run right back.<br />
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It is definitely a big part of my BPD but there are other factors that really haven't helped. So, while I am tempted to run around blaming him for everything bad in my life I can't.

I have borderline personality disorder, I know all about diseases that hurt the ones' that love you. Unlike him I realize what I am and I am trying to fix it.<br />
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I have tried so hard to help him but everything I have done gets thrown in my face. If he doesn't know he has a problem after the amount of times I and others have pointed it out to him he has obliviousness down to an art.<br />
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Unfortunately I will never forget the fact that he is my father (Despite his claims to the contrary.) everyday I feel the guilt of not being able to help him and feeling this way.<br />
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It is only by hating him that I am able to keep the distance I need to save myself. I show an ounce of compassion and I'll be right back there. Going with him when he drinks so that he'll pick on me rather than someone who will beat him up and enabling him.

you also need to understand that alcoholism is a disease, a sickness, an infection. People who are alcoholics don't think that what there doing in wrong. They think that the rest of the world has a problem. Yes i know, it is his fault and its only him who can fix it. I don't think that you should completely blame your dad, but the alcoholism. I agree with you that you should save yourself inside of him. BUt remember that he will always be your father no matter what.

Awww *hugs* The very BEST thing you can do is put a LOT of space between you and him. YOU need time to try and heal from this with the support and care YOU need. He's chosen his addiction and till he makes a different choice there is nothing you can do for him anyway....We all have to make the choice to save ourselves.... hugs and hugs <br />
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I have alcoholics in my own family and so does hubs. We've seen how they erode those around them and end up killing themselves if they can't get past it. My heart goes right out to you in this....

sierra another great comment,MsPennt T cake,hating is not good for you,just hope your dad asks for help if not keep distance till he wants help to get sober and stay that way.

Aww thanks carer....

But I've only just reached the hating bit can't I wallow a little longer? lol

Letting go is all you can do sometimes. Find your own peace. You may have to stop hating in order to do that though. Hate is like a hot coal. It will only burn the one holding it.