Should I Cut Off My Mom?My mom has been drinking for as long as I can remember. Along with her drinking came physical and mental abuse toward everyone else in the house (myself, my sister, and my father). Growing up I had a love/hate relationship with her. When she was sober, she was fun, caring, and lovable. Then when she drank, she became this mean, nasty, spiteful woman who I did not recognize, and couldn't possible love. Her drinking would escalate to the point where she would abuse my father. It was such a scary thing to watch, and as I child I felt so helpless. I can remember running to a neighbor's house many times to ask for help when my mom was drunk, and my parents were fighting. Police were involved multiple times, and I spent many nights at the neighbors for my own safety. The following mornings always involved a lot of crying on her part, an all-day apology, and a promise to stop drinking. Needless to say that never happened.
As I grew up, and became more independent, I was able to see through my mothers lies and manipulations due to her addiction. When I no longer cried at the horrible things she would say (like that I should have been an abortion) she started to resent me even more, and tell me that "I didn't care about her." Because I went to college and currently am working on my masters, am in a great relationship, and can support myself, she tells me that I think I am too good for her. For me it was the complete opposite. Seeing her that way completely rips my heart out, but I understand that her hurtful words and threats only bring stress and anxiety into my life.
I have tried numerous times to talk to her, and have offered to pay for her to go to rehab, but she doesn't seem to think she has a problem. She blames her drinking on everyone, and everything but herself.
I have gotten to the point that I have made the choice to no longer be an enabler by being their for her emotionally, but my sister and father unfortunately have not. My father has basically become an alcoholic himself to "deal" with living with my mother. My sister feels bad for her, and babies her when she has a bad blowup. She then tells me that I don't care about my mom (which again is so frustrating).
About two months ago my mother fell down the front steps drunk, and cut her face open pretty bad to the point where she was rushed to the hospital for stitches. When she called me the next day, she blamed it on the dog's leash tripping her (a neighbor verified that it was not the dog, it was intoxication). At that point I told her I love her, and care about her, but can not let myself be hurt and worried all of the time because of her irresponsible choices and behavior. I told her that I will be willing to speak to her when she decides she wants help, but until then I do not want to talk to her. This is causing me extreme guilt. My sister makes it worse when she tells me that I don't care about my mother. I tried to talk to my sister, but she thinks that if she too cuts my mom off that my mom will end up drinking herself to death, or killing herself, and she will have that guilt on her.
I would truly love some advice from anyone who can suggest what I should do in this situation. Is cutting her off the right thing to do?
summer242 26-30 7 Responses 1 Jul 18, 2012