I Am An Acoa Of Two Alcoholic Parents

I grew up in a house where alcohol was the center of everything. My parents "needed" it every single day. I'm not talking a drink or two. They would go through a case of beer everyday. I remember being very little and scared because my parents would drink until they passed out and I would be left there alone, sitting in a chair, or desperately trying to wake them up. I've heard my mom crying one night saying that she was drinking when she was pregnant with me. This was years ago. I was probably about 10 years old(I'm 31 now). My dad was not a nice drunk. He never hit me but he would always get out his guns and start cleaning them. He would say such nasty things. He's called me and my mom c**ts. Then there came a point when my dad stopped caring about everything. When something broke, he didn't bother to fix it or to even try. We've lived without heat or hot water. After I moved out, the pipes froze in their house and they didn't have running water at all. They are in their sixties now and both have health issues. But that doesn't stop them. My dad has had 3 strokes, and for a while my mother stopped eating solid food and was only drinking all day. She eats solid food now after being hospitalized but still drinks all the time. She's turned more to whiskey now. When I was going to register for my baby shower I wanted her to come with me and when she got in the car she reeked of booze. I just wanted to tell her to get out. I definetely felt like I've been the parent for a very long time. I'm exhausted mentally and emotionally. I have my own son to take care of but I still have to worry about them and all their problems that they've brought on themselves. This has definetely affected me. I feel lonely and depressed and anxious. I don't want my son to pick up on this. He is my world and I just want to be a good mom to him. I don't live with my parents anymore, but I still feel like I'm very much a part of this. My husband says to let it go, it's in the past. I can't let it go. I get so angry at my parents. I could never depend on them. I know there are so many people out there that have had it so much worse, but I can't help holding on to these things that have happened. I'm sorry this is so long.
cath81 cath81
31-35
1 Response Sep 25, 2012

Welcome to the world of a codependent person. I know its hard but you have to let go. If they have any interest in fixing their situation, it has to come directly from them, and them only. I would not expose my kid to than anymore than I absolutely had to, nothing good can come of it. I wish you well, I know its very mentally draining.