5 O'clock At My House

Thanks. I wish I could do a better job though. While I support him and protect him, part of me still feels like it holds a grudge. I don't want it to be that way but there's something there that is keeping me from getting too close to him. I call my mom a couple times a week but I never just call my dad out of the blue and for no reason. He, however, doesn't do those things either. Part of me is still mad at him for being the way he is now because of all the drinking he did then. I don't know, it's confusing, and it hurts me, I just don't know how to fix it...especially before it's too late.

True...some people turn to alcoholism themselves, or other things, or can just never move. I did pull through because I am stronger than most people realize. My strength, and well...mental issues, lol, have enabled me to move through some of the most difficult things in my life, things that would have broken some people.

He will need all the support you can give. I used to drink too!

I give him all the support I am capable of giving right now. He lives back up north and I'm down south and the communication just isn't there. But he's still doing real well, and even able to joke about drinking without being tempted. It ****** my mom off but I grin at him, letting him know that I know it's a joke and that it doesn't scare me. Letting him know that I have faith and confidence in him.
The poor man works his *** off now, doesn't really have the time, although I'm sure he would if he wanted to. He just doesn't want to. I hear him tell friends that offer him a drink that he doesn't drink anymore. That makes me proud. Personally, if I were him, and I lacked the strength that I have, and apparently he has, I probably would have fallen off the wagon. With my mom still drinking in front of him, my brothers drinking and even getting drunk around him, my mom's moody self and the financial situation their in...a lot of people would have turned back to drinking I think. But he hasn't. Only thing is, he's suffering in other ways now.

My mother is an alcoholic too, she started when I was 12, quit when I was 21 for about 9yrs and has started back now for about 2 yrs, harder than ever. She is very out of control when she is drinking. Very manipulative, guilt tripping, lying. very argumentative. She cuts herself to get the attention off her drinking so we will feel sorry for her, maybe not be as mad. We have put her into treatment centers, the Mental Health ward, so many times I am loosing count! Still it is not enough for her, we are not doing enough to help! While nothing seems to help! She calls me all the time asking me to help her, especially when she is drunk. She gets upset when i wont talk to her or I don't go visit her as often because of her drinking; then the guilt tripping begins. Sometimes I just give up and try to shut her out completely, wont talk to her for weeks. She will quit for a little while, then I feel guilty. I always feel guilty....we always will! It is the curse of a child of alcoholism. We will always have the guilt, cause in some stupid way we blame ourselves. Why can't we stop it? If they loved us enough they would stop! They try to teach us in Al-Anon that, we didn't cause it, we can't cure it and we certainly can't control it! These are very hard lessons to learn! I too have struggled with my own Mental issues and your right, it does give you a deeper understanding and tolerance. I can deal with my Mother alot better now than when she was drinking when I was in my teens. Still it really takes it's toll. I think too in some way we can forgive, it's forgetting that's the hard part! This is only a small part of the story too, I could share some real horror stories from when I was a kid and I had to live with this everyday, it was alot worse then! Things I hate remembering, so many times I thought she was dead or I would get a call that she killed herself. She would drink and drive. Now I still wait for that call, because of her cutting, and I fear alcohol poisoning because she drinks to the point of blacking out. She doesn't eat either and has dropped to 110 lbs. She is also very depressive and suicidal. I have so much anger towards her, cause she can't see how this affects her family. I have a daughter myself, that this is affecting too.....has in soooo many ways; affected our lives together. She can't see how this has affected me in my life, all my life! There is so much resentment. I don't think you ever get over that.

Feel free to contact me if you want to chat about this, it is nice to have someone who has really been there and understands!

You are a good person allofusinme. I can't give you any advice; but as a recovering person, I can say your dad has a compassionate and understanding advocate. Obviously, life is complicated; and trying to grasp addictions near impossible. God Bless.

B1, wow, that is quite the experience. You're right, I don't think parents really understand the damage they're doing to their children, that lasts their entire life, just by continuing to drink like that. I was often scared for my parents as well, when they were driving, when I was in the car driving with them, when they'd drink so much and go to bed...worried that they wouldn't wake up. It's hard, and it hurts on so many different levels. To watch them hurt themselves like that, to see the kind of people they become when they're drunk all the time, to believe that whiskey means more to them than you do. And yes, I have forgiven, and yes, it's hard to forget. So many of the ways that I am now are a direct result of how they were then. I love both of them and I dread the day that God welcomes them Home. It's just hard to forget.

I never got the chance to meet my father because of booze and drugs. I was 2, and apparently he tried giving it all up so he could be around for me but the depression got the best of him and hended up committing suicide! worse part about though, is even though i tried, i followed his exact steps. Almost an exact replay if you will. no life to live thats for sure...

Bitlord, that was incredibly honest of you to share those things. I am grateful that my parents were not abusive like that, although I did get slapped once...but I deserved it. I am grateful that I did not turn out like them, or like how you described. It could have been easy, it could have been an easy excuse as well, but I wouldn't let it.
I was the bartender as well, often having a few sips a night, but never to the point of being even close to buzzed. I'm not sure, however, if they would have even noticed. I think I knew how to make a 7 and soda before I knew how to make my own pb&j.
I'm so sorry things have turned out the way they did for you. I pray that one day your kids will understand, as I have, that it feels worse to hate and resent than it is to forgive and work through it.

Sold, thank you for the kind words. I try to be as understanding as possible. My fuse is a little short with him anymore, unfortunately, because of what the alcohol has done to him. It makes him a very difficult man to understand, be around, enjoy, talk to, etc. I try to cut him some slack and do my best to help him out, it just gets to be hard. And he doesn't think anything is wrong with him. Which makes it even more difficult.
When I lived at home, I helped take care of him. I've lifted him out of the tub, I've made him meals, I've made sure he had all his medication...and actually took it. He cannot do many things for himself anymore, or sometimes just chooses not to. My mom has doubled her duties since he stopped drinking and was diagnosed with encephalopathy.
A while back, my mom had a cancer scare, and I was already trying to make arrangements for moving my dad down with me so I could take care of him.
It's not easy. It's not fair. But it's part of a child's love for their parent.