5 O'clock At My House

Everyday at five o'clock, my dad would come home from work and be greeted by mother with a kiss and a glass of whiskey and soda.  She would make one for herself.  It was the cocktail hour for both of them.   They drank all through dinner and well into the night, ending each night drunk. 

There they sat, every night at the kitchen table watching a small television set about twelve feet away from them, drinking...and drinking...and drinking.  I was a child and that's all that I saw.  I could not walk into the kitchen and say something without getting told to wait for a commercial...wait for a commercial...wait for a commercial.  That's how it was, my whole life, even til now. 

When I was thirteen, I started learning about alcoholism in my health science class.  That's when I started realizing what my parents were doing, and it just made me angry, bitter.  However, I seemed to take it out on my dad more, although I'm not sure why.  Maybe because he was more of an *** when he was drunk, more disgusting to me, although I never liked watching either of my parents get drunk, especially when they were party drunk.  It was gross to me.

It took a long time, a few glasses tipped over by me, a DUI with my dad, and some tough love but he has since recovered and has been sober for about...4 years now, I think.  I'm proud of him and I'm probably the only one that lets him know that.  My mom still drinks around him, my brothers drink around him, I don't...and I won't.  It's not fair to him and he's taken too much heat for the things he's done, and I won't make things any harder for him.


vampireheart vampireheart
31-35, T
36 Responses Aug 13, 2008

You are a good person allofusinme. I can't give you any advice; but as a recovering person, I can say your dad has a compassionate and understanding advocate. Obviously, life is complicated; and trying to grasp addictions near impossible. God Bless.

My mother is an alcoholic too, she started when I was 12, quit when I was 21 for about 9yrs and has started back now for about 2 yrs, harder than ever. She is very out of control when she is drinking. Very manipulative, guilt tripping, lying. very argumentative. She cuts herself to get the attention off her drinking so we will feel sorry for her, maybe not be as mad. We have put her into treatment centers, the Mental Health ward, so many times I am loosing count! Still it is not enough for her, we are not doing enough to help! While nothing seems to help! She calls me all the time asking me to help her, especially when she is drunk. She gets upset when i wont talk to her or I don't go visit her as often because of her drinking; then the guilt tripping begins. Sometimes I just give up and try to shut her out completely, wont talk to her for weeks. She will quit for a little while, then I feel guilty. I always feel guilty....we always will! It is the curse of a child of alcoholism. We will always have the guilt, cause in some stupid way we blame ourselves. Why can't we stop it? If they loved us enough they would stop! They try to teach us in Al-Anon that, we didn't cause it, we can't cure it and we certainly can't control it! These are very hard lessons to learn! I too have struggled with my own Mental issues and your right, it does give you a deeper understanding and tolerance. I can deal with my Mother alot better now than when she was drinking when I was in my teens. Still it really takes it's toll. I think too in some way we can forgive, it's forgetting that's the hard part! This is only a small part of the story too, I could share some real horror stories from when I was a kid and I had to live with this everyday, it was alot worse then! Things I hate remembering, so many times I thought she was dead or I would get a call that she killed herself. She would drink and drive. Now I still wait for that call, because of her cutting, and I fear alcohol poisoning because she drinks to the point of blacking out. She doesn't eat either and has dropped to 110 lbs. She is also very depressive and suicidal. I have so much anger towards her, cause she can't see how this affects her family. I have a daughter myself, that this is affecting too.....has in soooo many ways; affected our lives together. She can't see how this has affected me in my life, all my life! There is so much resentment. I don't think you ever get over that. <br />
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Feel free to contact me if you want to chat about this, it is nice to have someone who has really been there and understands!

I give him all the support I am capable of giving right now. He lives back up north and I'm down south and the communication just isn't there. But he's still doing real well, and even able to joke about drinking without being tempted. It ****** my mom off but I grin at him, letting him know that I know it's a joke and that it doesn't scare me. Letting him know that I have faith and confidence in him. <br />
The poor man works his *** off now, doesn't really have the time, although I'm sure he would if he wanted to. He just doesn't want to. I hear him tell friends that offer him a drink that he doesn't drink anymore. That makes me proud. Personally, if I were him, and I lacked the strength that I have, and apparently he has, I probably would have fallen off the wagon. With my mom still drinking in front of him, my brothers drinking and even getting drunk around him, my mom's moody self and the financial situation their in...a lot of people would have turned back to drinking I think. But he hasn't. Only thing is, he's suffering in other ways now.

He will need all the support you can give. I used to drink too!

True...some people turn to alcoholism themselves, or other things, or can just never move. I did pull through because I am stronger than most people realize. My strength, and well...mental issues, lol, have enabled me to move through some of the most difficult things in my life, things that would have broken some people.

Thanks. I wish I could do a better job though. While I support him and protect him, part of me still feels like it holds a grudge. I don't want it to be that way but there's something there that is keeping me from getting too close to him. I call my mom a couple times a week but I never just call my dad out of the blue and for no reason. He, however, doesn't do those things either. Part of me is still mad at him for being the way he is now because of all the drinking he did then. I don't know, it's confusing, and it hurts me, I just don't know how to fix it...especially before it's too late.