I M A Woman Who Loved Too Much...That sounds very strange, but I love really to much other, and almost nothing myself.Love brings me pain and suffering, and this is happening to me again and again as I want to suffer.
I come from a disturbed family, since I know myself, the parents were drunked.to does not give as an excuse for my mistakes, but as a fact and cause of my behavior and way of living...
I live in a relationship with a man who does not meet any of my need.No emotional, not psychological and of course not sexual.He sleeps for seven years on the couch in the living room, I'm alone in a big empty bed.This ratio in the 24 years I have not finished. Why? I've always found a reason why not.Today I will not write about this pain, all the years I've just pushing in the most hidden part of the heart, and when he tried for a moment to look out for, I quickly pushed back on secret place.I was dead ones time,just live from day to day...
Last summer, as I wake up.Wake the body, heart and mind, I want to live!
I want to love! want to be happy! adopted here these decisions into contact, launched coveted, wish, give ...I dont know,that I cant love on right way...today I know...
Desirable I write, and the words of the ep, I constructed and connected to a man who offered me what I never have.It was beautiful time, and danced with him, give feelings and accept surrender I till you drop .. . woke me, as a man can wake up spiritually dead woman, at that time, I experienced for the first time, do not know how to love the right way, just leave it overnight, and I did not e-Work-exactly why ...
Then known sekond man, very soon, I supported and with him more strong bond, and immediately began to worry about all the power that I had not left early. Iin childhood I experienced what it means to be truly abandoned ... I care for common problems between us, and by the time he admitted that to me does not feel any more. But I'm still hoping and waiting for him, and I have more work to him to please.I reached the opposite, but I still think that I have to try and continue to suffer.
I myself always ready to assume full responsibility for the problems that are happening in my family and realtionship.To taught me from an early age, when drunk parents are able to take care of daily duties and litle children.I come from a large family with six children, and over 10 year-old girl I took care of the baby brother of his spare time and night.When i was12 years I started to worry about immobile grandmother, stood by her until her death.She was only my support as she could, and I know that today as an angel watch me from above.
For housband I found spoiled Singletonin the true sense of the word, and so on I have hands full work ahead.i m an expert to carry all the problems.
I never respected myself, I although school achieved excellent results and complete college without problvem.Always I'm at work was directed towards a goal, and never give up before I reached goal.I have life experience job loss, as many present time, and actively participate in the construction of the largest communities in the world, which will bring millions peole benefits. I from the very beginning, and you could be proud of myself and my way of thinking.But not respect me, and I can not stand up.
And does not believe most to deserve happiness.If parents did not give me this feeling, and I later found a partner that I did not know how to give, how am I supposed to believe that I deserve it?
When I met this man, with which we created a close relationship, and believed at the beginning that all of us can behappen that I gave it all that I wanted, I did not believe him ... he saw quickly that simply do not want to be happy, and I often toppled a healthy relationship, and create chaos that could suffer further because the only thing I know...
Our relationship I had as a drug, the continuous need for his presence, I often prevent normal daily life.After taking drugs will be sober, but it will not eazy.maybe I m like my parents, addict, two of them from alcohol, and I of needs-that I love too wrong...and feel pain..
I'm writing this for a reason, because I am aware that I need to get out of my way to living,loving....I m aware, and confess all my mistakes.There I also apologize once again a man and other who is all in the name of "my love" broadcast...
I adopted a decision
to heal this unhealthy behavior
to cope with my problems and deficiencies, when I stopped taking responsibility for others, I myself had a lot more time
not to get involved more in each other's games
I do not play the savior for many problems
to be a selfish me-first, then the other
to finally fall in love:
The best person I know, and that's me!
If a woman do not love herself, LOVE is not even possible!
I feel better than I'll finally meet myself ...
skyfone464 41-45, F 0 Feb 19, 2013