My Mother

M y mothers best friend died when I was young.. I don't remember the year I was but I remember I was in the 5th grade. I came home and she was on the floor with a bottle of vodka sobbing. Ever since shes been drinking and its been terrible. When I was in middle school I remember someone from child services came and I lied for my mother. I regret that to this day. Now that I'm out of school and in college it still bothers me. I stayed and went to a community college for a year afraid to leave my mother. I hate her and the terrible and abusive things she does and says but I also have terrible seperation anxiety from her since my father passed a way three years ago from MS. I feel so alone in the world. She won't get help and she doesn't care what it has done to me over the years. I sometimes feel like I should go away to a hospital and mentally rest but can't because I just want to finish college and get out of the house for good. I guess I just wish she would understand its not all about her, she has a daughter that she needs to take care of. The worst of it I guess is that I see my friends hanging out with their parents and they do things like see a movie or eat dinner together. My parents and I do nothing together and it hurts so much because shes the only person I have left now. I was on my high schools prom committee and worked so hard and she didn't even see it. She didn't even see me in my prom dress because she was too drunk to get out of bed. She's missed all of my important events except graduation which she drank through. I guess like everyone here I have to be strong and think that later in life it will havee made me a stronger person for the other things I have to over come.