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My Mother

My mothers best friend died when I was young.. I don't remember the year I was but I remember I was in the 5th grade. I came home and she was on the floor with a bottle of vodka sobbing. Ever since shes been drinking and its been terrible. When I was in middle school I remember someone from child services came and I lied for my mother. I regret that to this day. Now that I'm out of school and in college it still bothers me. I stayed and went to a community college for a year afraid to leave my mother. I hate her and the terrible and abusive things she does and says but I also have terrible seperation anxiety from her since my father passed a way three years ago from MS. I feel so alone in the world. She won't get help and she doesn't care what it has done to me over the years. I sometimes feel like I should go away to a hospital and mentally rest but can't because I just want to finish college and get out of the house for good. I guess I just wish she would understand its not all about her, she has a daughter that she needs to take care of. The worst of it I guess is that I see my friends hanging out with their parents and they do things like see a movie or eat dinner together. My parents and I do nothing together and it hurts so much because shes the only person I have left now. I was on my high schools prom committee and worked so hard and she didn't even see it. She didn't even see me in my prom dress because she was too drunk to get out of bed. She's missed all of my important events except graduation which she drank through. I guess like everyone here I have to be strong and think that later in life it will havee made me a stronger person for the other things I have to over come.
CallMeHope CallMeHope 19-21, F 30 Responses Jul 15, 2007

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This is my story. I am 15 my name is Matt and that's all that matters. I grew up with my single mother who has been a alcoholic mother since I was a child, passing out drunk when I was 5 on the floor, leaving me at home a lot to get drunk I called the cops and they arrested her but it ended up she had a ticket so they let her off on the booze but child services took me away for a couple dayes and I had my chance that time to get away but I lied and acted naive for my mother and now I regret this. I now live with my Step-Father and my Mother who is still a drunk, my mom was always poor from drinking and now she's poor again drinking with her new boyfriend. Not saying he is a drunk, he is a good man at heart because he sees what I have been through and has been there for me somewhat but he still drinks and supports her habit. I've started to resort to smoking marijuana but I have since a young age, smoking cigarettes, drinking myself (mostly just puke my guts out), and hurtle into depression. I had friends but the drugs broke us apart, or I would move away because my family has lost houses, lived in hotels, in apt.s, and now soon in a couple days a new home if my fragile family doesn't fall apart. My step dad and mom fight about regular things like bills and stuff but lately since my mom is on and off fighting drunkard who will not say she drinks too much or admit it in any way, my step father fights her. I don't really have a real father never even met him. I feel alone and want to kill myself and there seems to be no way out of this torture until I am 18 but then I wanna go to college that I cannot afford nor my family to get a degree for Computer Hardware Engineering to work in that field. Thanks for reading and hopefully understanding.

My story is very similair to yours. Im 20 now and just finished my second year of college. I didnt have the money or support system or grades to get in but going away to college was the only light at the end of the tunnel for me. It gave me something to look forward to and a sense of relief! When I moved there it was like a new spirt took over me! Noone new my past or history and it was a fresh start where I learned so much. I just wanted to let you know that you can go to college. Finanicial aid works with u to give u that opportunity.. its worth looking into.. its worth becoming ambitious about.. it lets ur mind focus on something other than ur ****** reality. Keep ur headup :) -Jessi

Ive been reading the other responses and i feel like they are living my life. I wouldnt have posted her but now that im a mum too, I just want everyone else to know that im here for them. I pretty much raised myself and my brother and sister, but she (my mum) always tries to buy them, so they wont go against her when CYFS comes around. doesnt matter what happens, im the one who feeds them and gets them to school every day.
She tries to be the cool mum and let them do drugs and drink around her, and then i look like the bad one cause i have rules. Im trying to break the cycle but it doesnt work when no one else cares

this is my story

when i was 9 my mom discovered she had cancer, we were all upset for her but when she had her operation she thought she was going to get cancer again so instead of getting help she started drinking i am 13 now and she still does it but i'm confused my dad comes to live with us some nights but then she will start drinking again so he goes i feel like i have no one to talk to, sometimes she will disappear for hours and we cant find her, she goes out and shouts in the street so all my friends can hear, i also see all my friends with their parents and their happy but my life is messed up she wont get any help

my mum pretty much made it so i couldnt go outside without feeling embarrassed. Dont feel alone, i went through that too with my mum

I'm 13 and this is my story<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I Have a 6 year old broher, a 4 year old sister, and a four month old brother. My mom barley even feeds us when she's drunk (which is every pay day, which is every 1-2 week going.) She usually does it when my dad's on is ship. The family servises came, i lied for her, because i love(ed) her. Now, i also regret it, i cook, clean, and take care of my baby brother when this happens. I can't leave them, though sometimes i have the thought to run away. It's hard, a few days ago, my mom started phisically fighting with me. When this happened she bacame sober in the morning for one day, during this time i made her promiss to never again drink, shesaid okay and we made up, today she fought with me once again, this time at th end she looked into my eyes and said: "I hate you." i started sobbing, then i had to stop because i didn't want to wake my brother. I Wish there was a way to stop this, she's been doing it since she left my Real father because he was abusing us both. i guess she caught onto that. When sh got married and had 2 more children my dad started abusing me secretly, im scared to tell my mom this because we would live on the strerts without him, So dont tell me to tel her this, because that's notwhat i came here for.<br />
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Help me. <br />
<br />
-Nicole

Im not going to tell you what you dont want to hear but what im going to tell you is, i also raised my siblings and the best thing i ever did for them is get them away from HER! You need to realise that life isnt fair and life doesnt care and that you are the only one who will love and care for them. Parents dont care and they are anything but reliable

All I can say to you is that everything you feel I felt at the age 4, the only difference is that my mother was and still is a crack addict. I am 31 years old and throughout the years I have prayed that my mother would stop or that someone would rescue me from the sexual abuse as well as the physical abuse from the MANY men who were in and out of my mothers bedroom and all over drugs. I never said anything to anyone because I was embarrassed and hurt. My question to you is how can someone change your environment if no one knows whats going on. You seem so smart and I know that you deserve better, what can we do to make that happen. No 13 should experience this kind of pain. Do you want for this to continue or would you like for it to stop. That's the question you ask yourself. Please understand that your mother is sick and she do not know what she is saying or doing neither does she know how this is affecting you. You have counselors at school reach out and tell your story, that's your only way out. Your mother won't hate you, maybe this will fix her problem because rather you know it or not, your mother love you and sometime when dramatic things happens like you being placed with another family sometime that makes a person change into the better. You have to be strong and make the right choice. If your moved to another family a garanteed to it will be temporary because she will stop drinking because she love you but if she is really sick then be prepared to be away from here until your eighteen. Continue to write and stay in contact so that you are never lost and once you eighteen maybe you two can have a great relationship. I can't tell you what to do but reality is, is that your mother can't stop on her own she is too sick she needs help and you can't stay in that environment because it's unsafe for you. I wish I could help more I hope my words will encourage you. I wish you the best, email me sometime and keep me updated I will continue to research better options for you. Stay strong and be smart.

I know EXACTLY where you are coming from. My mom has been drinking since i was 7 and let me tell you, she is not nice. She used to tell my older sister, who is 8 years older than me, the things she is saying to me now. My sister left because she couldnt handle being called a mistake of a daughter, the b word and any other bad name while my mom was drunk. My mom has lost a lot of people in her life because of this horrible problem and she still wont stop. She even sees what shes doing to me and doesnt care. I just cant handle it anymore but i guess i need to since i dont agree with my sisters decision of leaving. I just cant do it. My mind is exhausted from these weeks at a time drinking sessions. Having an alcoholic mom really makes me miss out on plans with the family and also social life with friends coming over. It sucks but in the long run im gonna stay sober ! It will make me 10 times stronger, i hope. Cant wait to have my old mom back.

im 15, my mother goes to work everyday and acts normal whenever she can. but behind closed doors or after work hours she drinks until she has to come home. from the age of 7 i was staying up until 3am waiting for her to arrive home. she stopped for a while but recently my granddad died from cancer now everyday she goes o the pub after work and drinks. i don't see her anymore. never spend time with her. i get bullied and i was unsure if she was an alcoholic. now i just want her to understand that shes breaking my heart and shes the only family i have left, i just want my mum back.

I can related to everything your going through, I to am a single child of a alcoholic mother, my father was not around just me and my drunk mother. Alcoholism is a selfish disease, when I was a child I did not know why my mom was always drunk, I just tried to leave my home every chance I could get.<br />
Then when I got older I realized my mom is a fall down drunk who says cruel things to me. She was never there for me emotionally and still isn't....I still am dealing with this woman who's problems are so much more worse than any other humans beings problems on the earth apparently. Drinking and looking for excuses to drink. I feel like I got jipped in the parent dept and I to feel very alone in it. I just want to tell you, you will be ok and that putting some distance between you and her can be a gradual thing. Take baby steps and leave her to take care of herself, you are not her care giver, she has to do it herself, especially since she expected you to do it alone. She gave you nothing now thats all you got. So it's time you take care of yourself. I wish for peace of mind to you and I pray for you to have the endurance to get through this....and you will, take care

I can related to everything your saying, I to am a single child of a alcoholic mother, my father was not around just me and my drunk mother. Alcoholism is a selfish disease, when I was a child I did not know why my mom was always drunk, I just tried to leave my home every chance I could get.<br />
Then when I got older I realized my mom is a fall down drunk who says cruel things to me. She was never there for me emotionally and still isn't....I still am dealing with this woman who's problems are so much more worse than any other humans beings problems on the earth apparently. Drinking and looking for excuses to drink. I feel like I got jipped in the parent dept and I to feel very alone in it. I just want to tell you, you will be ok and that putting some distance between you and her can be a gradual thing. Take baby steps and leave her to take care of herself, you are not her care giver, she has to do it herself, especially since she expected you to do it alone. She gave you nothing now thats all you got. I wish you peace of mind and I pray god will give you the endurance to get through this, you will, cuz I did and we have teh same story. Peace,

you have done well continue - your stronger and better than you think. I am sure you will deal with better in coming years. Past is gone and not come again but future is coming and you have to deal with it. Separate your past and think about the future bright lady ! <br />
<br />
Best of Luck

Hi, <br />
I know exactly what you're talking about. I'm 15 at the moment and studying hard for my igcse's. My mother has had a drinking problem since I can remember, and my dad said she drank when he met her. My mums father apparently had a drinking problem too. <br />
I go to an internet school, and my dad goes on long trips for business, so I'm stuck at home. When I was 9 my mum and I relocated from America to rural France. I had to take care of myself. Cook, clean and look after her. And while I do admit that in many ways it has helped me mature into a better person (or so I hope), it was a hellish experience that no child should have to go through.<br />
I too feel an attachment to my mother. Even though she has been both physically and mentally violent I still feel like I must stay and help her. When I lived in America she got arrested several times for drinking related incidents, but still to this day she will not admit she has a problem. She always finds someone or something to blame it on. I cannot wait till I can leave home. It will be the best day of my life.

I don't know what to say-<br />
<br />
L-I-F-E is just "beautiful"<br />
indeed it may be...<br />
<br />
mixture of various stories- truth and lies

Oh sweetie. I feel so bad. I read your story and as I was reading I was relating. You and I, and others alike are laid up by the guilt trip our alcoholic parents have set forth for us, and we are good people but we are constantly looking for their approval and wanting their love so we deal with the pain and the hurt and we put ourselves through torture every single day. I am 31 yrs old and have been dealing with a very toxic mother for at least 15 years and it wasn't until I finally started having children of my own that I realized how sick she really was. and very recently, decided to walk away and for the first time in my life I have focused on me. Yes, my heart is torn and yes, It burns every single day, and do I feel like I buried a parent? yes, but, she died a long time ago, so my advice to you, is to run. run far, far away, and tell your mother, she can contact you if and when she completes her 12 steps. I know this is easier said than done, but trust me, you will be better off. and start surrounding yourself with positive people, and learn to love yourself again. God Bless.

I know God will heal your family Pray Until Something Happens, hope you believe in prayers because i know for facts PRAYER CHANGES THINGS around, continue loving your mum and being there for her and believe me when i say all is not lost SORROW MAY ENDURE FOR A NIGHT BUT JOY COMES IN THE MORNING.God bless you and all will be well.AMEN

I'm kath im 23 and i finished a psichology college.Listen the things that im gonna say are for your own piece of mind.U can get upset with me but its part of the truth that u have to hear.U are right its terrible of her to act like this with you because every person needs parental support in life and u are right again by saying that not everything is about here BUT what u need to understand, in my oppinion is that not everything is about you either.She is only human hun and human beyings have the right to be weak and to crash.That isnt important but what is important is what u can learn out of this: for example what to not do to end up as unhappy as your mom and trust me i've been trough alot to know for sure that what doesent kill u ALWAYS makes you stronger.This is just a fase in your life and u dont hate your mother , if you would u would have found a way to manage withowt her somehow.You are still there with her because in some way u feel the need to protect her and you dont want to abandon her knowing that shes in such a bad place.Learn to comunicate with her and try to forgive her and change her if u can, if not move on and be a better person.I hope this helped even a bit and please excuse my bad spelling, i am romanian

Such addictions have been overcome using EFT, you need to find a therapist that knows about the subject.

honestly, its takes a strong person to go through what you have, and still be standing, let alone bettering yourself and making a life for yourself. <br />
you will be free one day but right now i think you should go find an ALANON meeting in your area, i know alot of people they have helped, and being able to share what your gonig throught to real people who know what your gonig through, will make you feel so much better. <br />
i wish you all the luck in the world, and i hope you find peace in your life,<br />
you are a good person for being with her this long but now its time to help you.

I too grew up with alcoholic parents. It is a selfish disease where nothing comes first but the alcohol. YOU need to put yourself first, YOU need to look after yourself and YOU need to love yourself enough to make a start. I am glad to see you have had several people respond. You do need mental health care just as you would need physical help if something were breaking down in your body. I never sought help in my life but it does affect who I am to this day and I am in my 50s!<br />
You dont have to give up on your mother, but things will just keep going the way they are if you cannot get help and start the change.

Where do I start? Do you go to ACOA meetings? They can teach you how to draw boundries. I am so sorry you are going through this. I did too at a very early age it made my life hell. Now, I am an adult and I see how it has affected me my whole life. I have been where you are and know how you feel. You are not alone...never....Alcoholics rarely see anything else but alcohol...they live for it...alcohol...im sorry she missed all of the highlights of your teen years but you can recover...you dont need to get away and go to a hospital stop saying that.....when you create boundries with her for yourself that will be your time to relax and think things through I have so much I want to say to you.

I understand where you are coming from, I am 27 and my mother has been drinkg since I was in fifth grade as well and every year, it seems to get worst. I know have children of my own and she barely sees them. It is very sad and even sader yet to me seems to be dead already because the person I see is no longer my mother but the creature that lives in her body. Good luck and remember it does get easier. And you will be stronger than you can ever imagine.

I understand where you are coming from, I am 27 and my mother has been drinkg since I was in fifth grade as well and every year, it seems to get worst. I know have children of my own and she barely sees them. It is very sad and even sader yet to me seems to be dead already because the person I see is no longer my mother but the creature that lives in her body. Good luck and remember it does get easier. And you will be stronger than you can ever imagine.

And maybe somewhere down the line you can help her or somebody else. It sounds like she got depressed and just couldn't pull herself out of it and nobody was there to help her try. I'm sorry for your hurt feelings but each and everyone of us can only handle so much. Soemtimes people do forgetthatthere are other people out there that we should care about, but in return sometimes we give and give and get nothing back. It is a very hard world out there and all we can do is our best. I did everything I could for my children, and in return I feel like I have been abandonded by them. Yes I made mistakes but we all have. My oldest has gone off to college and I barelt hear from him, my next dropped out of school and has started walking the wrong path, and my daughter one day just desides she wants to move 7 hrs away and stay with her father and I hardly hear from her. I wanted to be there for all of her events and such but she chose to move and not let me partake in those wonderful yrs. We all make choices and sometimes we want to fix those choices but we just don't know how to do it because we think they wont forgive us. If you do not say what you need/want to then people don't know what you need/want. Communicate with her maybe it will help/ maybe it will bring you to a new level in life. Good luck to you

While I haven't been through something quite like this I understand how you feel. While yours is not a pleasant experience, I can see that, because of it, your patience is never ending. This is a very helpfull quality. =) You are very intelligent for thinking about a mental vacation. Though I can't say your mother will stop, I do know that dealing with it will become easier with time. It's up to you whether or not to leave her (perhaps it will help her) but just keep in mind that sometimes it's a good day to think about yourself. Especially when you're just starting a new part of life. :)

Wow.. <br />
We really share a simulair story. Of course its different in many parts, but the things you feel and struggle with are very, very close to what I struggle with.<br />
Its very alone and very hard.

Hello my name is Sara and I feel for you story, my story is very much so like yours, My mother has been a drug dealer earlier in my years and I never got to meet my father but when I got a hold of his family I found out he died so I never got the chance to meet him. My mother drinks everyday with vodka or kobra, I really feel for you because I am in the same situation, I fear that one day I will wake up to a dead mother with an exploded liver. I am not sure how to stop it, I feel depressed and great pain every day cause of it. I really do know how you feel, I also hated watching other familys, mothers and daughters shopping together, my mother doesnt know how to function in the world, she abandoned me at 15 and so now I rely on other people till I can get my diploma, I am 19 and I dropped out of highschool but im back in school going to graduate and maybe try the military, I love her but she sets her own path.

Welder,<br />
<br />
That was just plain ridiculous.

I know what you are going through. I was the only child my mother had. I didn't meet my father until i was 11. She was the same way as your mother is to you. But now I'm 26 and can look back and say that what I have gone through has made me the person I am today. And I'm stronger, because I have kids of my own and I don't treat them anywhere near as bad as my mom did me.

Hello man <br />
to be a truly man.<br />
U see ,so many people all around everywhere,U don't know,but to comfort U. If U complain with uour shose,please first look at that people whitout feet

I know exactly what you are going through. I am 21 years old and experiencing the exact same thing as we speak...You pretty much just wrote my story for me! Email me and we can talk! I need to talk too!

Hello,<br />
<br />
I am sorry that you are going through this torture. I am a recovered alcoholic for the past 12 years. I nearly killed myself with alcohol in 1996. By the grace of my father in heaven I made it here today to testify. There is hope and I want you to know that none of this is your fault. It is just so sad that alcoholism can be so devastating to so many people. Are you going to any Alanon meetings. That would be a great place to start for support. You will get thr tools to cope and recover yourself from the agony you are going through. I just want to say a quick prayer for you and your mother. God loves you so much and never forget that through His Son Christ, Jesus there is peace that transcends all understanding. Pray,pray,pray. If you need to talk I am here for you! God Bless you and your mother.

Hi, i am alot older than you, and my mother was an alcoholic also. My sisters and i totally lost our childhood. I am 63 years old and rememember one of many incidents involving my mom. My mother came to my school class, i was in the 6th grade, she was totally drunk wearing a bright green sweater and her jeans were rolled up,she looked awful. She was bringing my lunch money anyway my legs were shaking so bad i wanted to run out of the class, but my legs could not move, after my mom left the room i sat with my head down on my desk. I am in counciling and belong to an adult child of alcoholics group. i encorage you to get involved in a support group, also some good reading codependent no more by melody beatty. Please feel free if you need to talk i am here.