Growing Up With An Alcoholic

i occasionally joke about the idea of becoming a heavy drinker to mask some of the pain i have felt, but truth be known- i cannot handle the idea of being an alcoholic or marring one. my mother is an alcoholic and i have seen the pain and poor choices that can cause. i am sorry you had to endure a childhood that caused you pain.
m

My dad is an alcoholic too. I'm thankful that he is not violent when he's drunk and can sometimes listen to reason but this vice of his really gets me worried -- he has diabetes too and well... his health, the state of his body (he has a huge tummy, balloon-like even) makes me wonder how long he'll last.
I can really tell that he loves my mom and us, his children but if he really loves us, maybe he should stop?
Often his inner thoughts that he didn't express when he wasn't drunk, are spoken when he is drunk. It's irritating because when he's drunk, he really talks a lot and never let's the other party defend themselves for fear that he might snap.
I find it hard to overlook a person's inclination to alcohol despite other qualities (e.g. outgoing, intelligent) that many can consider great.

I'm really sorry about what happened to you cmost. But I'm not pitying you or something like that. Hopefully, more people would see how much pain alcohol can bring and stop drinking or never start it in the first place. Yesterday, after telling us the story about dad's outbreak in the lavatory, mom

No comment. Everything the same here.

I am currently 22 ( will be 23 in July 09).

I myself had an alcoholic father and my mother who married him was helpless. According to my mother, he started his first drink at around 16-17 years old and started his drinking way before my parents met and married in August 1983. This was also way before I was even born (1986). As a child I was always hit and was taught to listen to my and dad and obey him. being hit for what I believe were petty things such as not doing my school homework and wanting to play outside, being hyperactive as a chld etc. Sometimes I was confused as to why I was hit ( with the confusion of mainly thinking it was because I was a bad boy and had misbehaved or coming to later realise that it was my dad who was drunk and angry just taking his fustrations out on me although I believe when kids are naughty they ought to be smacked for discipline)). dont know???.

As a child I was always afraid. I developed this constant fear. I also developed behaviour problems where I had been hyperative as a child and couldnt stay in one place always running around ( much calmer as I have grown up). However as a child I was also happy when I would ride my bicycle and constantly played outdoors and had a dont care attitude.

Whenever dad came home I was fearful of being hit.

There were days when he would not hit me, would love me, we would go out for dinner with family ( mum and sister) etc. He also bought me things as a child. Any toy I wanted I would get if he could afford it etc.

Later on as I developed into a young adult I started doing negative things to attract attention, I was also bullied at school and dont know if my submissivness came from being hit as a child. I would get picked on,I was always a loner and felt isolated during break and lunch times at school ( year 8 - year 11) often hanging out alone and couldnt stand up for myself, hated getting into fights and confronting people incase I got hurt through punches and black eyes etc.

As I grew older I still continued attacting negative attention at college by being the funny class clown. People always thought that I was a fun and happy person to be around with me making jokes in class etc. Maybe I was being someone I wasn't really, to feel loved and cover up my insecurity who knows. I have never really had a proper girlfriend although I have ******* a few girls here and there, sometimes by luck.

I feel that I cant trust anyone in this world. I believe that If someone becomes too close to me, they would stab me in the back, maybe because previously I have had or thought I had friends or people like that. I still have a few friends now that I have made, but sometimes feel isolated. I know that I am intelligent and have potential and have had people say that to me. However, still dont know whats stopping me doing things in life. Sometimes I dont feel confident in myself and cant talk to women and feel shy and out of place or do so by being the funny clown. Also shy when I am near large crowds of people or hot women. I would like a girlfriend but I dont know if my childhood scar is permanent and would hate to bring it up when I get emotional with her during a relationship and then she would probably leave me due to my past. My dad and mum split in 2001 when I was 16 and he moved out.

I dont have much confidence but when I go out clubbing, I try and be the big man, and act funny and like I am having a good time but something deep inside still bothers me.

When I think about it, it make tears roll down my eyes.

I feel confused, yet I seem to have a goal in life.

I am currently in Uni ( first year) just broken up for summer. I have also sort of fallen out with uni class mates where I was a loud mouth in lectures and everyone loved me. Slowly I had arguments with certain people in class and stopped being the funny guy. I dont talk to many people in my class now.

I dont know what to do. I am attractive and can most out of life but sometimes have a fear to take risks although I am ready to take them.

Currently live with my mum. I am independent and have a job while going to uni and support myself financially. I am proud of myself in that respect. i seem to be a normal person but something deep inside is bothering me, dont know what.

My father has been out of my life for the past 8 years and I have coped well, I guess.

Hopefully a specialist out there can piece together what I have posted and can tell me, are these really to do with having an alcoholic father kind of symptoms or??? what else is wrong??

I will be 23 and want to enjoy my life more than I have ever done. But something stops me. Dont know what.

Thanks,

H

my dad was and continues to be an alcoholic..

when i was younger and he lived with us he'd would come home drunk and start beating on my mom. So i just made it a habit of staying up all night waiting for him to come home so i can protect her as best as i could but then again i was still in elementary so there wasnt much i could do. Sometimes i'd punch him as hard as i could just so maybe he'd stop, other times i'd yell and cry at the top of my lungs for him to stop. I just remember this 1 specific time i actually got inbetween him and my mom and he ended up hitting me on accident. He quickly realized what he had done and began to apoligize repeatatly but the damage had been done not much physically but deep inside.

This went on for most of my childhood ....more like all. Finally when i was in the 6th grade my dad got arrested for disturbing the peace and was sent away..... ever since im sad to say but id rather ignore his calls (which come like every half a year) then actually talk to him even though i havnt seen him for like 5 years. He just always makes me cry asking stupid questons like if we still love him and stuff. Most times he calls he's drunk so it gets harder to reply to that question each time. I still love him with all my heart since he is and will always be my only dad.

Back then i swore id NEVER put alcohol to much lips but that was a promise i couldnt keep. Now i myself drink at times. I dont know what to do. What do i do next??

...what i can say is that writing this has helped me open my eyes alot about my childhood since ive never opened up about this situation before to anyone since it usually ends in tears when i speak of it

For cmost and all the others in pain.

I am sorry that you have had to live with the horror of an alcoholic father or mother. I did too and beleive me, reading your story and the stories of the others on this page, I can relate to just about every thing that everyone said.

I don't no what the right thing to do is. I felt trapped in that I needed somewhere to live and eat (as a child) and my father's drinking was there from the time I was born. As a child I didn't understand why my Dad would fall asleep with his face in his dinner plate and then fall to the floor and look dead. My mother would just say something like 'he'll be alright, he is just tired' and then put a blanket over him and leave him on the kitchen floor.

The older I got the meaner he would be. He did some pretty terrible things to me while I was growing up like grabbing me from behind and cutting off all my hair. He also told me repeatedly that - I was no bloody good, I used people, I was lazy, I wouldn't have any friends, on and on. Whenever I hurt myself as a child he would just laugh and say 'I didn't feel a thing'. You get the point.

Perhaps you could leave and live with a nice family or friend if that is possible. Please don't feel guilty because it is not your fault and all the horrible things these drunks say about us is nothing more than a projection of how they feel about themselves. This being said, it still isn't easy, it's a living hell for most of us. And also don't feel sorry for your mother as she has choices to make on her own. Just take care of You.

I still can't forgive my father and he has been dead for 19 years. Sometimes I wish that he was alive just so that I could kill him.

I have been working hard at therapy for years and all I got from doctors were the labels 'Chronic Depression, Bi-polar and Generalized Anxiety Disorder as well as bottles full of pills that turned me into a complete Zombie. I have managed to stop most of the pills and I haven't had a street drug or alcohol for 21 years. I still feel lonely (even though I have been married to a very nice woman for 20 years) and sad and also have the feeling that I just don't fit in this world.

Sorry for the venting, but it help's and maybe you can get a notebook or journal and write out your innermost feelings as I have been doing for years. It helps a bit to let go of the pain. There are many books at the library and most book stores on the topic of Journaling .

I really wish for you the very best. If I could send you an Angel or a Guardian, I would. I think you have one anyway and that perhaps you might try talking with one of them. To yourself of course otherwise they will start putting labels on you that you don't deserve.

All the Best,
Aatma

My dad was an alcoholic, but not from early on that i can remember, it was more from my early teens. He's dead now, and I continue to struggle with trust issues in men, and so does my mum.

My dad used to spend more than half his pension on tobacco and alcohol, and when he didn't have enough to buy more alcohol, he would want us kids to lend him the money for it, but I never would.

He was abusive before being an alcoholic, but became worse as he became an alcoholic. The breaking point was when he gave me a black eye when I was 17 after drinking a day straight without really sleeping other than the occassional blackout he had in his chair.

To this day I haven't forgiven him, and I don't think I ever will be able to.

i understand that. my father is an alcoholic..

I have grown up with both parents socially very well fit alcoholics.
A smooth ride you may think but actually... for me alcohol consumption (in itself ) is per se a moment of alcoholism. Always and for everyone. It's how you cope with the effect rather than the amount of drinking that makes alcohol a problem. And I've seen a lot of **** too.
If a person is bad before, that person is only getting worse under the influence of alcohol.
You have had some really bad luck growing up under such sad circumstances but what you really should do, is not to be afraid of the drink, watch up for bad personalities instead.

I am a 45 yr old female 22+ yrs. married with 2 adult kids of my own, both in college. I am the only one with kids. I am the 4th of 5 ACOA kids. My mom and my 4 siblings (2 older brothers, 1 older sister & 1 younger sister, range in age from 55 to 40 yrs. of age), all 4 of my siblings are drunks, 3 siblings the 2 older brothers and youngest sister also became drug addicts, but the drug addicts/drunks are the only 3 who now are sober. My mom, 4 siblings and I were all hit by our angry drunk dad often enough. The WORST times were when we kids never knew when his and my mom's drinking would turn into a fight after partying with the neighbors at our house...s**t aIways rolls down hill, & we always got hit & yelled at alot. The fear of the chaos a & the unknown, for me was horrible!I lived in fear of my dad & never knowing when we were going to get hit again, was horrible! We kids also had to clean up before and after their parties because Our house WAS THE NEIGHBORHOOD BAR. WHAT FUN! My mom is more of a codependant, who still makes lame excuses for my dad's drinking & hitting all of us. All 4 of my siblings still haven't coped well with their dysfunctional childhood, but I am grateful for God's help & have found help through counseling, self help books and ACOA. Didn't think history would repeat and I was surprised that my drunk dad now sober 1.5 yrs., was such a bully control freak to my own kids, hen they were younger. He was rude to his only 2 grandkids that he saw only twice a year. My folks and 4 siblings are dysfunctional angry dry drunks. They still treat me rudely like they did when I was a kid! They are now rude to my family and I, when we visit so we now limit our visits, and time back to see them. I think they're threatened by our non-drunk normalcy. Thankfully, though we live 6 hrs away and haven't seen my family often in 10 years. I haven't allowed this awful situation to ruin my life. My folks have also always played favorites with the two girls, one older (she's drunk anorexic, who's dating a drunk) than me, and the one born after me, and the younger, who was a coke addict and drunk. I am a little tired of my folks still favoring them to this day. guess the dysfunction will never end! I'm grateful I'm 400 miles away! Glad not to be there. I know now it'll never be a close loving family....but I'm happy & free from the pain of wishing for it! Just wish it hadn't taken me so darn long to realize that fact!

Oh honey, I feel for you and I KNOW how you feel, even being a woman. YES!!! all these issues are part of being in a alchoholic home!!! the trust issues ,the self esteem they are ALL from that. GET HELP you are SO young and I know how you feel I have been getting help withit since Iwas about your age, it NEVER goes away it just gets duller.. I have been dealing with depression ALL my life, at times I just want to die so the pain will stop. My mother took her own life when I was 21; it devestated me and sent me into a wirlwind of a bottomless pit! What keeps me alive is my son who is 15. If he wasn't here I belive Iwould be with my mom. My mom was and still is the ONLY person who accepted me the way I was. I am on four meds for my depression and anxiety. I feel like a freak sometimes.

You and I have nearly the same story. In my case, luckily, there was never any physical abuse but it certainly took a huge emotional toll on me and my mother. My dad was a clinical alcoholic since my very first memories up until it finally killed him the day before I was to write the last exam of my senior highschool final exams. He sometimes stayed sober for up to a year but if he took only one drink, he could not stop until he ended up in hospital. The way I always knew thet he fell off the wagon again was if I got home and he was super friendly and baught gifts and stuff for us. He was always a kind hearted and very intelligent and caring father and husband when sober and furtunately never turned violent. When drinking he would spend all the money on us without thinking and sometimes disappear until someone found him passed out drunk somewhere in a different town and got hold of my mom to come and pick him up or end up in a hospital somewhere. You can't imagine what it felt like when he disappeared for a week and not knowing if he's dead or alive. That's how I grew up. To this day I miss him so much and wish he could have known his grand children and be there for me through these difficult times I'm going through.

i was never physically abused, but was mentally abused. Crazy how as the older i get, the more i see it effecting my life and the more it hurts!

both my parents are alcoholics since before I was born ... I'm now 42. It's a wonder they're still alive. I have such issues with trust and self esteem, have developed a social phobia and hope to recover. My parents are still drinking and so is my brother since he is a teenager. He is two years older than me.

There is a lot of pain and hurt .....

I feel so connected to all of your stories, I grew up in a horrendous home with 6 siblings all suffering at the hands of an alcoholic. I have been abused on every level possible, some of my brothers did move out to neighboring families as farm hands but I had to stay as a girl. I am still trying to deal with all of this and want to talk to my siblings, but they act like it never happened. They don't want to talk about it and get angry when I try. I just wish someone would listen, I don't know if it will help but I know acting like it never happened doesn't work for me. I feel like I'm hiding a lie and no one really knows me. I don't know that I will ever know who I am if I'm living a life of denial.