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Growing Up With An Alcoholic

From the ages of 9 years old until I was a senior in High School my mom was married to an alcoholic. Life was very difficult. My mother was physically and mentally abused as well as my older brother and myself. Things were so bad at home that my brother quit school and left home before he was even 16 years old. He lived out on the streets and ate out of garbage cans. I did manage to graduate high school but it wasn't easy considering what we all went through at home. My mom was not financially independent so she felt the need to remain married so we would have somewhere to live. She finally packed up and left him when I was a senior in high school. I have serious issues with people who are heavy drinkers to this day. I avoid them at all costs. I can't stand the smell of Bourbon or Whiskey it makes me ill. There is no reasoning with someone who is an alcoholic. You can never win. The best thing you can do is stay out of their way if at all possible. Remember this, most alcoholics can hide their illness from co-workers and friends. Sometimes when around these people they can put on quite a show and even come across to other people as a happy drunk. Noone else knows how they really are behind closed doors. So pray to God to help you through it and don't form a pattern and end up with a mate like your mother or father did.
cmost cmost 36-40, F 42 Responses Feb 3, 2007

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I don't think I could have said it better than you or the responses. I've known my stepfather since I was 5 years old and looked to him as a father. Now at 22, the gin has stolen him away for good. He is dead inside. A few days after Christmas, he snapped on me for the last time. I'm the scapegoat for the family problems. My mother is too. The bullying we suffer from him is the most painful experience of my life. Oh sure, he puts on quite the show in front of others, especially his side of the family. He hides behind his phony bubbly personality, he plays the victim card so well in front of my stepfamily. But he is quite the monster behind closed doors. He has called me every name in the book since I was a young teenager. I'm so broken. I'm afraid my mother and I are both beyond repair. It is so hard to have the man who made so many promises, who had a hand in raising me, to threaten that he will punch me in the face. It is terrifying. I feel so helpless sometimes, all I can think to do is pray to God, pray to the universe, pray to ANYONE to give us strength. To get through this impending divorce. To be stronger than him. To not let him win.

At this point he is a desperate man. He will take my mother and I down with him if we let him. The smartest thing my mother ever did was take the pistols out of the house.

I grew up with an alcoholic step father and became an alcoholic in life. Here is my story http://truefeminsmnaphtali.blogspot.com (Please read The taming of the Shrew)

Sorry to hear these tragic stories, not to take anything away or discredit. But I grew up with an Alcoholic father and I must admit he was much more fun to be around when he drank. He always held down a job and committed almost all of his free time to his family. He also worked out all the time, I remember he ran a full marathon and the first thing he did when he finished was drink a pint of Vodka. He is still going strong!

I am a daughter of an alcoholic. It’s very hard to write about it, have tried several times but i don't want to think about it or be too dramatic? It has helped me to read other peoples stories, to relate and find the positives in my situation. <br />
My dad is the usual suspect alcoholic, an incredibly intellectual man. An academic, a play write and a musician. <br />
I know he has always been an alcoholic but has always been able to hide it under his bubbly personality. Sometimes it’s hard to remember all the wonderful things about him. He has lost a lot of his personality to drink. Even when he has sober months, he isn't the same man. <br />
He started drinking extremely heavily when i finished school and he was about to retire. I am the youngest of 3 and i think he felt like his job was done. <br />
My parents separated, which i always thought would be unbearable to think about but I was so relieved and realised what a toll many years of him drinking and smoking heavily in his cave had taken on my mum. Suddenly she was so much more relaxed and herself then I ever knew she could be. <br />
It wasn't until i cleaned out his room, his "cave" that i realised how bad he was. His room was piled with empty cask wine boxes and the walls were yellow from smoke. <br />
After this he moved on to vodka which ruined him even further. <br />
I remember one day him begging me not to leave his side and me feeling exceptionally guilty when i finally did, after several hours (while my friend waited in the next room). I would always visit my dad and go out to breakfast with him and try to be as supportive and nice as possible. <br />
Embarrassment never really worried me, however he did some very public things. One day he slipped over in the mall and his pants fell down and he refused to get up. Another time he yelled at me in a coffee shop 'do you want me to go to the corner and die'. There were several times like these.<br />
He went to visit his brother in the city with my aunt, where he twice almost got ran over laying in the middle of the road. That was scary to think that he could so easily die. That someone should be watching him all the time. <br />
When he returned we found out he had a blood clot on his brain, he was flown to a hospital in the city where he stayed for weeks and eventually had to have it surgically removed. My sister and I both thought how we didn't care if he was an alcoholic forever as long as he lived. We all visited him in hospital and I went and looked after him while he recovered. <br />
I thought that would be the life threatening thing that would stop him from drinking but a few weeks later, he was drinking again. We begged him to go to rehab and he did. <br />
He loved it, it gave him responsibility and activity. He loved having a part of helping other people through their depression and alcoholism. He was in rehab for 4 months and when he came out he was sober for several months more. <br />
For the first time in 3 years i felt ok to leave him, my siblings were home and he was sober. So I went overseas for 4 months. The best thing I could possibly have done because i realised that I could have a life outside of his alcoholism and even though everybody always said you cant stay for him, it was only then that i realised i could. <br />
Shortly before I came back he started drinking again, which I only found out on my arrival. I knew as soon as I arrived (even though he was sober) that he was different again. More self conscious, less involved. <br />
I felt so angry, so frustrated this time round. I tried to be sympathetic but every time i would talk to him I would just feel so angry. So frustrated at his selfishness. How could he not see how fortunate he was to have 3 wonderful children, a wonderful wife who has stood by him as a friend and his amazing family. All so very supportive. How many alcoholics have that after 4 years?<br />
He recently sobered up and everyone agreed, it was the best we have seen him since he has been a severe alcoholic. Much more comfortable and was actively doing things for himself. My brother said he thought this was going to be it, that this time was for good. 2 days later he is drinking again. Slowly he has gone back into his shell and now he is in a coma like state again, a walking zombie, deeply depressed again. <br />
This time around I feel sad for him, sorry that he is so depressed. How hard it must be to pull yourself out of that state. Tonight I went to him and my sister and I hugged him for some time. All feeling the pain of this horrible disease. <br />
Every time he lapses I feel the same amount of hurt. It somehow always feels like the first time. I always manage to get my hopes up even though I know better. <br />
I think he will die drinking, which is something i have only recently even been able to say without crying. He has never said that he wanted to quit. Not for him. <br />
I am very fortunate though, my dad is a wonderful person, I may make him sound like a monster but he has been a wonderful father. Never raised a finger to any of us.<br />
I looked up children of alcoholics; I could see a lot of the traits in myself.<br />
I used to be quite good at expressing myself, something I suppose I would pride myself on and now I really struggle, it never sounds how I want it to and I want to avoid thinking about things that make me unhappy. <br />
For this reason, I think all of us, myself and my siblings have lost a lot of confidence. Our dad was the person we all looked up to. Its hard to watch the most wonderful person fall. <br />
It said the children often avoid talking about their alcoholic parent/ their experience. I talk about it in a fairly factual way. It helps lift the burden; I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to bottle things up. <br />
One thing it said that I would hate to think I was is a victim. I don’t know if I act like one. <br />
I have tried to fight this for my dad. I’ve tried being kind and supportive, screaming and pouring my heart out. I’ve poured out every bottle I could, I’ve even wrestled him for bottles when he wouldn’t let go. I’ve matched his anger when he has yelled. Which are all hard things to do to someone you respect so much. <br />
My sister and I live with him, we told him once he either had to move out or stop drinking; He said he would move out and I realized I couldn’t kick him out. Better to know where he is and to give him whatever support I can. <br />
My dad drinking has been a very hard but good lesson to learn as a young adult. A whole new understanding of every situation, to understand that life is obscure that anything can happen to anyone. The seemingly obvious lessons which nobody can know until they experience a form of similar heartache. <br />
I haven’t traveled much, or studied enough; both which I regret but I have learnt compassion and strength; Two of life’s best lessons.<br />
I know I will manage any emotional time in my life because of this experience.<br />
Of course I wish this never happened but there are positives in any situation.

I have a very similar story. I really feel sad for my father - he is alone and obviously depressed due to his drinking. He doesn't want to have a family. Drinking is what is most important for him. My sister and I would like to stage an intervention, but we don't know if it is best for him; it might make him feel even more alone. Does anyone have any advice?

I am a daughter of an alcoholic. It’s very hard to write about it, have tried several times but i don't want to think about it or be too dramatic? It has helped me to read other peoples stories, to relate and find the positives in my situation. <br />
My dad is the usual suspect alcoholic, an incredibly intellectual man. An academic, a play write and a musician. <br />
I know he has always been an alcoholic but has always been able to hide it under his bubbly personality. Sometimes it’s hard to remember all the wonderful things about him. He has lost a lot of his personality to drink. Even when he has sober months, he isn't the same man. <br />
He started drinking extremely heavily when i finished school and he was about to retire. I am the youngest of 3 and i think he felt like his job was done. <br />
My parents separated, which i always thought would be unbearable to think about but I was so relieved and realised what a toll many years of him drinking and smoking heavily in his cave had taken on my mum. Suddenly she was so much more relaxed and herself then I ever knew she could be. <br />
It wasn't until i cleaned out his room, his "cave" that i realised how bad he was. His room was piled with empty cask wine boxes and the walls were yellow from smoke. <br />
After this he moved on to vodka which ruined him even further. <br />
I remember one day him begging me not to leave his side and me feeling exceptionally guilty when i finally did, after several hours (while my friend waited in the next room). I would always visit my dad and go out to breakfast with him and try to be as supportive and nice as possible. <br />
Embarrassment never really worried me, however he did some very public things. One day he slipped over in the mall and his pants fell down and he refused to get up. Another time he yelled at me in a coffee shop 'do you want me to go to the corner and die'. There were several times like these.<br />
He went to visit his brother in the city with my aunt, where he twice almost got ran over laying in the middle of the road. That was scary to think that he could so easily die. That someone should be watching him all the time. <br />
When he returned we found out he had a blood clot on his brain, he was flown to a hospital in the city where he stayed for weeks and eventually had to have it surgically removed. My sister and I both thought how we didn't care if he was an alcoholic forever as long as he lived. We all visited him in hospital and I went and looked after him while he recovered. <br />
I thought that would be the life threatening thing that would stop him from drinking but a few weeks later, he was drinking again. We begged him to go to rehab and he did. <br />
He loved it, it gave him responsibility and activity. He loved having a part of helping other people through their depression and alcoholism. He was in rehab for 4 months and when he came out he was sober for several months more. <br />
For the first time in 3 years i felt ok to leave him, my siblings were home and he was sober. So I went overseas for 4 months. The best thing I could possibly have done because i realised that I could have a life outside of his alcoholism and even though everybody always said you cant stay for him, it was only then that i realised i could. <br />
Shortly before I came back he started drinking again, which I only found out on my arrival. I knew as soon as I arrived (even though he was sober) that he was different again. More self conscious, less involved. <br />
I felt so angry, so frustrated this time round. I tried to be sympathetic but every time i would talk to him I would just feel so angry. So frustrated at his selfishness. How could he not see how fortunate he was to have 3 wonderful children, a wonderful wife who has stood by him as a friend and his amazing family. All so very supportive. How many alcoholics have that after 4 years?<br />
He recently sobered up and everyone agreed, it was the best we have seen him since he has been a severe alcoholic. Much more comfortable and was actively doing things for himself. My brother said he thought this was going to be it, that this time was for good. 2 days later he is drinking again. Slowly he has gone back into his shell and now he is in a coma like state again, a walking zombie, deeply depressed again. <br />
This time around I feel sad for him, sorry that he is so depressed. How hard it must be to pull yourself out of that state. Tonight I went to him and my sister and I hugged him for some time. All feeling the pain of this horrible disease. <br />
Every time he lapses I feel the same amount of hurt. It somehow always feels like the first time. I always manage to get my hopes up even though I know better. <br />
I think he will die drinking, which is something i have only recently even been able to say without crying. He has never said that he wanted to quit. Not for him. <br />
I am very fortunate though, my dad is a wonderful person, I may make him sound like a monster but he has been a wonderful father. Never raised a finger to any of us.<br />
I looked up children of alcoholics; I could see a lot of the traits in myself.<br />
I used to be quite good at expressing myself, something I suppose I would pride myself on and now I really struggle, it never sounds how I want it to and I want to avoid thinking about things that make me unhappy. <br />
For this reason, I think all of us, myself and my siblings have lost a lot of confidence. Our dad was the person we all looked up to. Its hard to watch the most wonderful person fall. <br />
It said the children often avoid talking about their alcoholic parent/ their experience. I talk about it in a fairly factual way. It helps lift the burden; I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to bottle things up. <br />
One thing it said that I would hate to think I was is a victim. I don’t know if I act like one. <br />
I have tried to fight this for my dad. I’ve tried being kind and supportive, screaming and pouring my heart out. I’ve poured out every bottle I could, I’ve even wrestled him for bottles when he wouldn’t let go. I’ve matched his anger when he has yelled. Which are all hard things to do to someone you respect so much. <br />
My sister and I live with him, we told him once he either had to move out or stop drinking; He said he would move out and I realized I couldn’t kick him out. Better to know where he is and to give him whatever support I can. <br />
My dad drinking has been a very hard but good lesson to learn as a young adult. A whole new understanding of every situation, to understand that life is obscure that anything can happen to anyone. The seemingly obvious lessons which nobody can know until they experience a form of similar heartache. <br />
I haven’t traveled much, or studied enough; both which I regret but I have learnt compassion and strength; Two of life’s best lessons.<br />
I know I will manage any emotional time in my life because of this experience.<br />
Of course I wish this never happened but there are positives in any situation.

My mother is a chronic alcoholic, she has systematically destroyed all of her relationships and health (consciously or not), it's a disease/affliction that she is unwilling to fight. She has gone from a concert pianist/violinist to a mumbling old woman, many years ago I made a promise to myself that I would waste no more emotion on her - she has done this to herself and I will not let it affect me. Yes. it's an affliction, but she never lifted her mouth from the bottle to consider me. Call that self centered but I was a child, aren't parents supposed to do better? She has taught me one thing though. and that is self reliance, from the age of 8 she was never there and I don't need anyone now. The only people in my life are the ones I want (not Need), people come to me to help them. People come to me to fix their sh!t, these are the positives. Need something fixed? Go ask Rob - Nuff said. We all take different things from the crap that happens in our lives. Yes. I'm a grumpy old sod, but if you're my friend then you can knock on my door at 2 in the morning and it's not a problem. Come on in ... ... ...

my dad became an alcoholic when i was 16 and it was especially hard because up until then he had been a great father who i loved completely and then he became a monster who destroyed me and my mums life.We still have to live with him though we have our seperate spaces .He has never physically abused us only becasue he knows i would scream blue murder at that and financially he depends on us. Though me and my mum want to leave its really hard because not only would he then be homeless but becasue he is also addicted to prescribed drugs and overweight that he also would'nt live for very long if we left.Though im not sure i even care. So though i hate him how can u condem anyone to that fate. Whats worse is the mental abuse, the bullying and the times when hes had his drunk mates around and we had to get the police round to get them to leave .Knowing my own father would'nt do anything to get these aggressive people out of our home even though we were breaking our hearts. I understand the damage this kind of abuse does to a person and whats worse is that the rest of our'family' dont believe us they are fooled by his victim act he puts on when their around. Knowng that the pepole who are supposed to support you dont want to believe you or help you.

I do hope I don't end up like my parents..If I'd ever get married and have kids i don't want them to go through the hell I have gone through as a young teen and up until now..I cant stand the boozers or drunk people on trams at all..just the smell of alcohol on a person makes me cringe.

You're one of the first stories I have read about a child of an alcoholic and I really feel like I connect with you. My father is an alcoholic and will be going to jail today. <br />
Before these past three weeks I was in the same situation as you, alone with just my mother and fathers drama. My sister moved out when she went to college, and right after college she moved out to CA. So i was left alone through the remainder of my high school yrs. And yes it is not easy... Much love to you &lt;3

FIVE GENERATIONS OF ALCOHOLISM IN MY FAMILY MY ITALIAN GRANDMOTHE MADE BOOTLEZ WHISKEY IN AKRON OHIO THE HOME OF THE FOUNDING OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WHEN THE DISTLL BLEW UP AND BURNED HER TO DEATH!!!! THAT WAS JANUARY 21, 1921 AND THINGS NEVER BECAME NORMAL MY GRANDFATERH YOUNG IN HIS TWENTY HAD TO CART HIS SON MY FATHER THROUGH THE BROTHELS GAMBLING DENS WHILE HE WAS GROWING UP AND HE SAW THE DEVASTATION OF WHAT ALCOHOL DOES TO PEOPLE WEATHER THEY ARE ALCOHOLIC OR NOT HE BECAME A CLOSET ALCOHOLIC I BENG A TEENAGE ALCOHOLIC I STOPPED IN 1980 SOBER AND CLEAN FOR 31 YEARS WHAT DI I LEARN FIRST TO HATE DEEPLY TO ABUSE WOMEN AND MEN TO BE A PREDATOR TO LIE TO CHEAT AND MANIPULATE TO GET MY DRUG BUT THE ONE PERSON I ALLMOST DESTOYED WAS MYSELF I HAVE FIVE CHILDREN ONE OF THEM DIED I WAS SOBER WHEN THAT HAPPEN NONE OF MY CHILDREN EVER HAVE SEEN ME PICK UP A DRINK OR DURNK THEY ARE NON ALCOHOLIC AND SHOW NO SIGNS PRESENTLY OF ADDICTION BEHAVIOR I WENT TO ALANON AND ADUCLT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS I RECIEVED EDUCATION THAT MONEY COULD NEVER BUY THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPERTEINCES BEN FRANKLIN SAID EXPERIENCE IS A DEAR SCHOO AND ONLY A FOOL WOULD LEARN NO OTHER OR IF YOU LOOK IT UP THE DICTIONARY OF ROOT MEANS EXPERIECE MEANS TO MOVE THROUGH TROUBLE. HENRY FOOD SAID EXPERIENCE IS OF SURPREME VALUE WHAT EVER ANY OF US HAD GONE THORUGH WE OWE TO MAKNKING TO SHOW SUIT AND SHARE WHAT WE LEARN YOU NEVER KNOW WHO IS LISTENING. GOD OR WHATEVER YOU BELIEVE IN IS THERE WEATHER CALLED OR NOT

As children, we can be fooled into listening to the alcoholic parent's anger and moods as if it were the teachings we needed to grow. That's what I realize I got when my dad finally came home and I was forced to come upstairs and watch him get drunk(er) on martinis. Thanks to all of you sharing. Namasté.

im very sorry

I feel so connected to all of your stories, I grew up in a horrendous home with 6 siblings all suffering at the hands of an alcoholic. I have been abused on every level possible, some of my brothers did move out to neighboring families as farm hands but I had to stay as a girl. I am still trying to deal with all of this and want to talk to my siblings, but they act like it never happened. They don't want to talk about it and get angry when I try. I just wish someone would listen, I don't know if it will help but I know acting like it never happened doesn't work for me. I feel like I'm hiding a lie and no one really knows me. I don't know that I will ever know who I am if I'm living a life of denial.

Well I have to clap my hands to you for sharing your past,I also grew up with not just one--two bad drinkers as Dad. So I know about the hasell of living in fear and shame and also Fear for Mom and self. Never knowing what to be ready for from day to day.

both my parents are alcoholics since before I was born ... I'm now 42. It's a wonder they're still alive. I have such issues with trust and self esteem, have developed a social phobia and hope to recover. My parents are still drinking and so is my brother since he is a teenager. He is two years older than me.<br />
<br />
There is a lot of pain and hurt .....

thanks about your honesty!<br />
sorry for all the pain you had to go through!<br />
you are on good path....if you feel you have some isssues maybe you can try counceling...it may help you to better understand yourself...especially things like why you lie........<br />
its bad habit that can compromise your success....!!!<br />
from small lies ...big lies are born....you can get tangled up in it and your reputation may get damaged badly.and unrepairably<br />
<br />
good luck i hope you will find the middle golden road

i was never physically abused, but was mentally abused. Crazy how as the older i get, the more i see it effecting my life and the more it hurts!

I am in year 12 and am doing an assignment at school for one of my subjects. I have chosen the topic the effect of alcohol abuse on children. I will be specifically researching how this effects adults of alcoholics and whether many people are string enough to turn their life around despite experiences. These comments and stories have really touched me for i am too a child of an alcholic, and it is so nice to here that i amnot alone and that thereis still hope, thankyou so much, and congratulations on those strong enough to tell your stories.. &lt;3

You and I have nearly the same story. In my case, luckily, there was never any physical abuse but it certainly took a huge emotional toll on me and my mother. My dad was a clinical alcoholic since my very first memories up until it finally killed him the day before I was to write the last exam of my senior highschool final exams. He sometimes stayed sober for up to a year but if he took only one drink, he could not stop until he ended up in hospital. The way I always knew thet he fell off the wagon again was if I got home and he was super friendly and baught gifts and stuff for us. He was always a kind hearted and very intelligent and caring father and husband when sober and furtunately never turned violent. When drinking he would spend all the money on us without thinking and sometimes disappear until someone found him passed out drunk somewhere in a different town and got hold of my mom to come and pick him up or end up in a hospital somewhere. You can't imagine what it felt like when he disappeared for a week and not knowing if he's dead or alive. That's how I grew up. To this day I miss him so much and wish he could have known his grand children and be there for me through these difficult times I'm going through.

It's re-assuring to know others are out there who have experienced and lived through alcoholic parenting. I think my Mom was alcoholic, but she got it under control after she had a severe depressive episode when I was in High School. Since then, however she's been emotionally abusive, and is on a diet of pills that don't seem to help her much. A lot of maintenance to have her in my family... I try to avoid her now as much as possible.

Oh honey, I feel for you and I KNOW how you feel, even being a woman. YES!!! all these issues are part of being in a alchoholic home!!! the trust issues ,the self esteem they are ALL from that. GET HELP you are SO young and I know how you feel I have been getting help withit since Iwas about your age, it NEVER goes away it just gets duller.. I have been dealing with depression ALL my life, at times I just want to die so the pain will stop. My mother took her own life when I was 21; it devestated me and sent me into a wirlwind of a bottomless pit! What keeps me alive is my son who is 15. If he wasn't here I belive Iwould be with my mom. My mom was and still is the ONLY person who accepted me the way I was. I am on four meds for my depression and anxiety. I feel like a freak sometimes.

To all of you that posted , I feel like we're all related, your experiences fits into my life, I thought for so many years that I was all alone.I come from a family of Alcohol, drugs, guns, violence. I was beaten, mentally abused and told that I would never amount to anything. My father was an ex-professional boxer, who grew up in the worst times in America (Racism) you would think that that would make us a closer loving family, well it didn't; my father abused all of us, my mother wasn't educated and she was young so she didn't have any place to go, she was her family's outcast.I and my brother and sisters just watched the madness, the fights, the verbal assaults add that with alcohol and low income, you get the police,the doctor and fire trucks at your door on a regular basis.<br />
<br />
As a child I acted as if my family was normal, I had lied to myself.At times there was no food, our lights, phone, gas would get cut off because of non payments.I couldn't sleep some nights because I would always hear an argument brewing and at times that would turn into my father hitting my mother, that made me angry because I loved my mother, but as I tried to love her she would turn her back on me and beat me all the time, as I got older I knew it was because I favored my father, my father was great when he wasn't drinking a hard worker a lover of music and kind. He had a demon inside from his past that would come out when he drank. That the side we saw often.<br />
<br />
I got my first job at 12 just so I could have school clothes, I went to school hungry many times because we didn't have food at home, the money was absorbed from the liquor, that was another reason for my dad to be angry at the world, he would go into rages I saw his pain but couldn't verbalize to him how I understood his anger because I had my own and my fear of him made me afraid of things all around me.My laughter on the outside were really tears on the inside, I didn't want any of my friends to know that I was hurting deep inside, exposing that would make me look even weaker than I was.All of my friends to me look like the perfect family, I wish I had a family even until this day, I'm not close to my aunts or uncles or cousins because when we were hurting nobody threw us a life preserver to help us, they only talked about us behind our backs, we had jealousy in our family, I don't know why we were all poor.<br />
<br />
I spent a lot of years bitter and tearing up relationships with women trying to love me, in fact I hated the word "love" because I never knew it, or felt it. I got better treatment from perfect strangers in life.<br />
Perfect strangers reached out to us, those strangers were mostly white people, they would always assist me, my coaches, my teachers, some neighbors, it was white folks that showed love and concern for me.<br />
I have to give them credit and thanks for what they did for me. I show my appreciation by not being prejudice or labeling those I don't agree with as racist. When I was growing up and hanging out with a group of friends somebody would be in the group that I really didn't know too well and they would try to flex by taking advantage of somebody else, they would see a white person and say lets go rob them or beat them up, I would say that's not right and protest it to the point where I would almost come to blows with those who said it.Nothing makes me more angry than seeing cowards trying to bully someone not bothering them. My escape from my alcoholic father was sports, music and reading, we had no money to travel as kids, so I read a lot. I lost my older brother who was and still is my hero and my older sister because they had a pain that I didn't analyse and the dysfunction of our family brought them to their demise.<br />
<br />
I don't understand this test called life, all I know is HURT people, HURT people.I let go of my anger by trying to help others and by doing my part to make my house a lovable place. I never heard the word "I love you" as a child, so I made sure that my kids hear it from me everyday. We must break the cycles, we are survivors for a reason, every last one of you on here are very strong and the Universe had their hands on your life, do something with it that will make the next person better.<br />
I refuse to let my past haunt me, I let it go, at times I still have trouble going out of my way for certain people who threw me under the bus as a kid, thinking that I wasn't going to turn out to be nothing but a piece of black crap. Fortunately I found the God in me and overcame a lot of adversity and pains.People believe me, everyone of you are special and you can contribute to this society more than you know.You are still standing and that says a lot, but don't just exist share your talents with the world, you have been through the fire.I appreciate all of your stories and thank you for sharing it. it has already me better for reading your stories, I saw pieces of me in everyone of your stories, trust me we are all related.<br />
<br />
Peace & Balance!

I am a 45 yr old female 22+ yrs. married with 2 adult kids of my own, both in college. I am the only one with kids. I am the 4th of 5 ACOA kids. My mom and my 4 siblings (2 older brothers, 1 older sister & 1 younger sister, range in age from 55 to 40 yrs. of age), all 4 of my siblings are drunks, 3 siblings the 2 older brothers and youngest sister also became drug addicts, but the drug addicts/drunks are the only 3 who now are sober. My mom, 4 siblings and I were all hit by our angry drunk dad often enough. The WORST times were when we kids never knew when his and my mom's drinking would turn into a fight after partying with the neighbors at our house...s**t aIways rolls down hill, & we always got hit & yelled at alot. The fear of the chaos a & the unknown, for me was horrible!I lived in fear of my dad & never knowing when we were going to get hit again, was horrible! We kids also had to clean up before and after their parties because Our house WAS THE NEIGHBORHOOD BAR. WHAT FUN! My mom is more of a codependant, who still makes lame excuses for my dad's drinking & hitting all of us. All 4 of my siblings still haven't coped well with their dysfunctional childhood, but I am grateful for God's help & have found help through counseling, self help books and ACOA. Didn't think history would repeat and I was surprised that my drunk dad now sober 1.5 yrs., was such a bully control freak to my own kids, hen they were younger. He was rude to his only 2 grandkids that he saw only twice a year. My folks and 4 siblings are dysfunctional angry dry drunks. They still treat me rudely like they did when I was a kid! They are now rude to my family and I, when we visit so we now limit our visits, and time back to see them. I think they're threatened by our non-drunk normalcy. Thankfully, though we live 6 hrs away and haven't seen my family often in 10 years. I haven't allowed this awful situation to ruin my life. My folks have also always played favorites with the two girls, one older (she's drunk anorexic, who's dating a drunk) than me, and the one born after me, and the younger, who was a coke addict and drunk. I am a little tired of my folks still favoring them to this day. guess the dysfunction will never end! I'm grateful I'm 400 miles away! Glad not to be there. I know now it'll never be a close loving family....but I'm happy & free from the pain of wishing for it! Just wish it hadn't taken me so darn long to realize that fact!

I am a 45 yr old female 22+ yrs. married with 2 adult kids of my own, both in college. I am the only one with kids. I am the 4th of 5 ACOA kids. My mom and my 4 siblings (2 older brothers, 1 older sister & 1 younger sister, range in age from 55 to 40 yrs. of age), all 4 of my siblings are drunks, 3 siblings the 2 older brothers and youngest sister also became drug addicts, but the drug addicts/drunks are the only 3 who now are sober. My mom, 4 siblings and I were all hit by our angry drunk dad often enough. The WORST times were when we kids never knew when his and my mom's drinking would turn into a fight after partying with the neighbors at our house...s**t aIways rolls down hill, & we always got hit & yelled at alot. The fear of the chaos a & the unknown, for me was horrible!I lived in fear of my dad & never knowing when we were going to get hit again, was horrible! We kids also had to clean up before and after their parties because Our house WAS THE NEIGHBORHOOD BAR. WHAT FUN! My mom is more of a codependant, who still makes lame excuses for my dad's drinking & hitting all of us. All 4 of my siblings still haven't coped well with their dysfunctional childhood, but I am grateful for God's help & have found help through counseling, self help books and ACOA. Didn't think history would repeat and I was surprised that my drunk dad now sober 1.5 yrs., was such a bully control freak to my own kids, hen they were younger. He was rude to his only 2 grandkids that he saw only twice a year. My folks and 4 siblings are dysfunctional angry dry drunks. They still treat me rudely like they did when I was a kid! They are now rude to my family and I, when we visit so we now limit our visits, and time back to see them. I think they're threatened by our non-drunk normalcy. Thankfully, though we live 6 hrs away and haven't seen my family often in 10 years. I haven't allowed this awful situation to ruin my life. My folks have also always played favorites with the two girls, one older (she's drunk anorexic, who's dating a drunk) than me, and the one born after me, and the younger, who was a coke addict and drunk. I am a little tired of my folks still favoring them to this day. guess the dysfunction will never end! I'm grateful I'm 400 miles away! Glad not to be there. I know now it'll never be a close loving family....but I'm happy & free from the pain of wishing for it! Just wish it hadn't taken me so darn long to realize that fact!

I have grown up with both parents socially very well fit alcoholics.<br />
A smooth ride you may think but actually... for me alcohol consumption (in itself ) is per se a moment of alcoholism. Always and for everyone. It's how you cope with the effect rather than the amount of drinking that makes alcohol a problem. And I've seen a lot of **** too.<br />
If a person is bad before, that person is only getting worse under the influence of alcohol.<br />
You have had some really bad luck growing up under such sad circumstances but what you really should do, is not to be afraid of the drink, watch up for bad personalities instead.

I think the families that suffer having to live with an alcoholic suffer the most. My step father was an alcoholic and so was my father, I know it isnt a choice though, Alcoholism believe it or not is a disease not an addiction it is also genetic I drink occasionally, but fear the fact of becoming what my father was, and cant stand being around a drunk either.

i understand that. my father is an alcoholic..

I am sorry to hear you grew up that way. I am an Adult Child of an Alcoholic and mental/emotional abuse survivor - However the alcoholic is my mother. She was also a rage addicted violent drunk with mental illness. I dropped out of high school and joind the military at 17 y/o because I had no other way to get away of our home - I was ready for a nervous breakdown (and eventually had one years later). Alcoholism runs in families and so I sought refuge in alcohol and drugs to ease my own pain. Many years (and lots of effort) in therapy, and abstenance and I am now clean and sober (and mostly sane LOL) for a lot of years. <br />
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One cannot help but be terribly wounded growing up with substance (and other forms of) abuse in the family - but I can tell you this for sure - there is hope for healing and lots of people out there willing to help in the recovery process. Blessings to all of you - my fellow Children of alcoholics - for you are not alone!

My dad was an alcoholic, but not from early on that i can remember, it was more from my early teens. He's dead now, and I continue to struggle with trust issues in men, and so does my mum.<br />
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My dad used to spend more than half his pension on tobacco and alcohol, and when he didn't have enough to buy more alcohol, he would want us kids to lend him the money for it, but I never would.<br />
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He was abusive before being an alcoholic, but became worse as he became an alcoholic. The breaking point was when he gave me a black eye when I was 17 after drinking a day straight without really sleeping other than the occassional blackout he had in his chair.<br />
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To this day I haven't forgiven him, and I don't think I ever will be able to.

Dad was an alcoholic....I can relate. It sux!

For cmost and all the others in pain.<br />
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I am sorry that you have had to live with the horror of an alcoholic father or mother. I did too and beleive me, reading your story and the stories of the others on this page, I can relate to just about every thing that everyone said.<br />
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I don't no what the right thing to do is. I felt trapped in that I needed somewhere to live and eat (as a child) and my father's drinking was there from the time I was born. As a child I didn't understand why my Dad would fall asleep with his face in his dinner plate and then fall to the floor and look dead. My mother would just say something like 'he'll be alright, he is just tired' and then put a blanket over him and leave him on the kitchen floor.<br />
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The older I got the meaner he would be. He did some pretty terrible things to me while I was growing up like grabbing me from behind and cutting off all my hair. He also told me repeatedly that - I was no bloody good, I used people, I was lazy, I wouldn't have any friends, on and on. Whenever I hurt myself as a child he would just laugh and say 'I didn't feel a thing'. You get the point.<br />
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Perhaps you could leave and live with a nice family or friend if that is possible. Please don't feel guilty because it is not your fault and all the horrible things these drunks say about us is nothing more than a projection of how they feel about themselves. This being said, it still isn't easy, it's a living hell for most of us. And also don't feel sorry for your mother as she has choices to make on her own. Just take care of You.<br />
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I still can't forgive my father and he has been dead for 19 years. Sometimes I wish that he was alive just so that I could kill him. <br />
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I have been working hard at therapy for years and all I got from doctors were the labels 'Chronic Depression, Bi-polar and Generalized Anxiety Disorder as well as bottles full of pills that turned me into a complete Zombie. I have managed to stop most of the pills and I haven't had a street drug or alcohol for 21 years. I still feel lonely (even though I have been married to a very nice woman for 20 years) and sad and also have the feeling that I just don't fit in this world.<br />
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Sorry for the venting, but it help's and maybe you can get a notebook or journal and write out your innermost feelings as I have been doing for years. It helps a bit to let go of the pain. There are many books at the library and most book stores on the topic of Journaling .<br />
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I really wish for you the very best. If I could send you an Angel or a Guardian, I would. I think you have one anyway and that perhaps you might try talking with one of them. To yourself of course otherwise they will start putting labels on you that you don't deserve.<br />
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All the Best,<br />
Aatma