Post
Experience Project iOS Android Apps | Download EP for your Mobile Device

Growing Up With An Alcoholic

From the ages of 9 years old until I was a senior in High School my mom was married to an alcoholic. Life was very difficult. My mother was physically and mentally abused as well as my older brother and myself. Things were so bad at home that my brother quit school and left home before he was even 16 years old. He lived out on the streets and ate out of garbage cans. I did manage to graduate high school but it wasn't easy considering what we all went through at home. My mom was not financially independent so she felt the need to remain married so we would have somewhere to live. She finally packed up and left him when I was a senior in high school. I have serious issues with people who are heavy drinkers to this day. I avoid them at all costs. I can't stand the smell of Bourbon or Whiskey it makes me ill. There is no reasoning with someone who is an alcoholic. You can never win. The best thing you can do is stay out of their way if at all possible. Remember this, most alcoholics can hide their illness from co-workers and friends. Sometimes when around these people they can put on quite a show and even come across to other people as a happy drunk. Noone else knows how they really are behind closed doors. So pray to God to help you through it and don't form a pattern and end up with a mate like your mother or father did.
cmost cmost 36-40, F 42 Responses Feb 3, 2007

Your Response

Cancel

im very sorry

As children, we can be fooled into listening to the alcoholic parent's anger and moods as if it were the teachings we needed to grow. That's what I realize I got when my dad finally came home and I was forced to come upstairs and watch him get drunk(er) on martinis. Thanks to all of you sharing. Namasté.

FIVE GENERATIONS OF ALCOHOLISM IN MY FAMILY MY ITALIAN GRANDMOTHE MADE BOOTLEZ WHISKEY IN AKRON OHIO THE HOME OF THE FOUNDING OF ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS WHEN THE DISTLL BLEW UP AND BURNED HER TO DEATH!!!! THAT WAS JANUARY 21, 1921 AND THINGS NEVER BECAME NORMAL MY GRANDFATERH YOUNG IN HIS TWENTY HAD TO CART HIS SON MY FATHER THROUGH THE BROTHELS GAMBLING DENS WHILE HE WAS GROWING UP AND HE SAW THE DEVASTATION OF WHAT ALCOHOL DOES TO PEOPLE WEATHER THEY ARE ALCOHOLIC OR NOT HE BECAME A CLOSET ALCOHOLIC I BENG A TEENAGE ALCOHOLIC I STOPPED IN 1980 SOBER AND CLEAN FOR 31 YEARS WHAT DI I LEARN FIRST TO HATE DEEPLY TO ABUSE WOMEN AND MEN TO BE A PREDATOR TO LIE TO CHEAT AND MANIPULATE TO GET MY DRUG BUT THE ONE PERSON I ALLMOST DESTOYED WAS MYSELF I HAVE FIVE CHILDREN ONE OF THEM DIED I WAS SOBER WHEN THAT HAPPEN NONE OF MY CHILDREN EVER HAVE SEEN ME PICK UP A DRINK OR DURNK THEY ARE NON ALCOHOLIC AND SHOW NO SIGNS PRESENTLY OF ADDICTION BEHAVIOR I WENT TO ALANON AND ADUCLT CHILDREN OF ALCOHOLICS I RECIEVED EDUCATION THAT MONEY COULD NEVER BUY THROUGH OTHER PEOPLE'S EXPERTEINCES BEN FRANKLIN SAID EXPERIENCE IS A DEAR SCHOO AND ONLY A FOOL WOULD LEARN NO OTHER OR IF YOU LOOK IT UP THE DICTIONARY OF ROOT MEANS EXPERIECE MEANS TO MOVE THROUGH TROUBLE. HENRY FOOD SAID EXPERIENCE IS OF SURPREME VALUE WHAT EVER ANY OF US HAD GONE THORUGH WE OWE TO MAKNKING TO SHOW SUIT AND SHARE WHAT WE LEARN YOU NEVER KNOW WHO IS LISTENING. GOD OR WHATEVER YOU BELIEVE IN IS THERE WEATHER CALLED OR NOT

You're one of the first stories I have read about a child of an alcoholic and I really feel like I connect with you. My father is an alcoholic and will be going to jail today. <br />
Before these past three weeks I was in the same situation as you, alone with just my mother and fathers drama. My sister moved out when she went to college, and right after college she moved out to CA. So i was left alone through the remainder of my high school yrs. And yes it is not easy... Much love to you <3

I do hope I don't end up like my parents..If I'd ever get married and have kids i don't want them to go through the hell I have gone through as a young teen and up until now..I cant stand the boozers or drunk people on trams at all..just the smell of alcohol on a person makes me cringe.

my dad became an alcoholic when i was 16 and it was especially hard because up until then he had been a great father who i loved completely and then he became a monster who destroyed me and my mums life.We still have to live with him though we have our seperate spaces .He has never physically abused us only becasue he knows i would scream blue murder at that and financially he depends on us. Though me and my mum want to leave its really hard because not only would he then be homeless but becasue he is also addicted to prescribed drugs and overweight that he also would'nt live for very long if we left.Though im not sure i even care. So though i hate him how can u condem anyone to that fate. Whats worse is the mental abuse, the bullying and the times when hes had his drunk mates around and we had to get the police round to get them to leave .Knowing my own father would'nt do anything to get these aggressive people out of our home even though we were breaking our hearts. I understand the damage this kind of abuse does to a person and whats worse is that the rest of our'family' dont believe us they are fooled by his victim act he puts on when their around. Knowng that the pepole who are supposed to support you dont want to believe you or help you.

I am a daughter of an alcoholic. It’s very hard to write about it, have tried several times but i don't want to think about it or be too dramatic? It has helped me to read other peoples stories, to relate and find the positives in my situation. <br />
My dad is the usual suspect alcoholic, an incredibly intellectual man. An academic, a play write and a musician. <br />
I know he has always been an alcoholic but has always been able to hide it under his bubbly personality. Sometimes it’s hard to remember all the wonderful things about him. He has lost a lot of his personality to drink. Even when he has sober months, he isn't the same man. <br />
He started drinking extremely heavily when i finished school and he was about to retire. I am the youngest of 3 and i think he felt like his job was done. <br />
My parents separated, which i always thought would be unbearable to think about but I was so relieved and realised what a toll many years of him drinking and smoking heavily in his cave had taken on my mum. Suddenly she was so much more relaxed and herself then I ever knew she could be. <br />
It wasn't until i cleaned out his room, his "cave" that i realised how bad he was. His room was piled with empty cask wine boxes and the walls were yellow from smoke. <br />
After this he moved on to vodka which ruined him even further. <br />
I remember one day him begging me not to leave his side and me feeling exceptionally guilty when i finally did, after several hours (while my friend waited in the next room). I would always visit my dad and go out to breakfast with him and try to be as supportive and nice as possible. <br />
Embarrassment never really worried me, however he did some very public things. One day he slipped over in the mall and his pants fell down and he refused to get up. Another time he yelled at me in a coffee shop 'do you want me to go to the corner and die'. There were several times like these.<br />
He went to visit his brother in the city with my aunt, where he twice almost got ran over laying in the middle of the road. That was scary to think that he could so easily die. That someone should be watching him all the time. <br />
When he returned we found out he had a blood clot on his brain, he was flown to a hospital in the city where he stayed for weeks and eventually had to have it surgically removed. My sister and I both thought how we didn't care if he was an alcoholic forever as long as he lived. We all visited him in hospital and I went and looked after him while he recovered. <br />
I thought that would be the life threatening thing that would stop him from drinking but a few weeks later, he was drinking again. We begged him to go to rehab and he did. <br />
He loved it, it gave him responsibility and activity. He loved having a part of helping other people through their depression and alcoholism. He was in rehab for 4 months and when he came out he was sober for several months more. <br />
For the first time in 3 years i felt ok to leave him, my siblings were home and he was sober. So I went overseas for 4 months. The best thing I could possibly have done because i realised that I could have a life outside of his alcoholism and even though everybody always said you cant stay for him, it was only then that i realised i could. <br />
Shortly before I came back he started drinking again, which I only found out on my arrival. I knew as soon as I arrived (even though he was sober) that he was different again. More self conscious, less involved. <br />
I felt so angry, so frustrated this time round. I tried to be sympathetic but every time i would talk to him I would just feel so angry. So frustrated at his selfishness. How could he not see how fortunate he was to have 3 wonderful children, a wonderful wife who has stood by him as a friend and his amazing family. All so very supportive. How many alcoholics have that after 4 years?<br />
He recently sobered up and everyone agreed, it was the best we have seen him since he has been a severe alcoholic. Much more comfortable and was actively doing things for himself. My brother said he thought this was going to be it, that this time was for good. 2 days later he is drinking again. Slowly he has gone back into his shell and now he is in a coma like state again, a walking zombie, deeply depressed again. <br />
This time around I feel sad for him, sorry that he is so depressed. How hard it must be to pull yourself out of that state. Tonight I went to him and my sister and I hugged him for some time. All feeling the pain of this horrible disease. <br />
Every time he lapses I feel the same amount of hurt. It somehow always feels like the first time. I always manage to get my hopes up even though I know better. <br />
I think he will die drinking, which is something i have only recently even been able to say without crying. He has never said that he wanted to quit. Not for him. <br />
I am very fortunate though, my dad is a wonderful person, I may make him sound like a monster but he has been a wonderful father. Never raised a finger to any of us.<br />
I looked up children of alcoholics; I could see a lot of the traits in myself.<br />
I used to be quite good at expressing myself, something I suppose I would pride myself on and now I really struggle, it never sounds how I want it to and I want to avoid thinking about things that make me unhappy. <br />
For this reason, I think all of us, myself and my siblings have lost a lot of confidence. Our dad was the person we all looked up to. Its hard to watch the most wonderful person fall. <br />
It said the children often avoid talking about their alcoholic parent/ their experience. I talk about it in a fairly factual way. It helps lift the burden; I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to bottle things up. <br />
One thing it said that I would hate to think I was is a victim. I don’t know if I act like one. <br />
I have tried to fight this for my dad. I’ve tried being kind and supportive, screaming and pouring my heart out. I’ve poured out every bottle I could, I’ve even wrestled him for bottles when he wouldn’t let go. I’ve matched his anger when he has yelled. Which are all hard things to do to someone you respect so much. <br />
My sister and I live with him, we told him once he either had to move out or stop drinking; He said he would move out and I realized I couldn’t kick him out. Better to know where he is and to give him whatever support I can. <br />
My dad drinking has been a very hard but good lesson to learn as a young adult. A whole new understanding of every situation, to understand that life is obscure that anything can happen to anyone. The seemingly obvious lessons which nobody can know until they experience a form of similar heartache. <br />
I haven’t traveled much, or studied enough; both which I regret but I have learnt compassion and strength; Two of life’s best lessons.<br />
I know I will manage any emotional time in my life because of this experience.<br />
Of course I wish this never happened but there are positives in any situation.

My mother is a chronic alcoholic, she has systematically destroyed all of her relationships and health (consciously or not), it's a disease/affliction that she is unwilling to fight. She has gone from a concert pianist/violinist to a mumbling old woman, many years ago I made a promise to myself that I would waste no more emotion on her - she has done this to herself and I will not let it affect me. Yes. it's an affliction, but she never lifted her mouth from the bottle to consider me. Call that self centered but I was a child, aren't parents supposed to do better? She has taught me one thing though. and that is self reliance, from the age of 8 she was never there and I don't need anyone now. The only people in my life are the ones I want (not Need), people come to me to help them. People come to me to fix their sh!t, these are the positives. Need something fixed? Go ask Rob - Nuff said. We all take different things from the crap that happens in our lives. Yes. I'm a grumpy old sod, but if you're my friend then you can knock on my door at 2 in the morning and it's not a problem. Come on in ... ... ...

I am a daughter of an alcoholic. It’s very hard to write about it, have tried several times but i don't want to think about it or be too dramatic? It has helped me to read other peoples stories, to relate and find the positives in my situation. <br />
My dad is the usual suspect alcoholic, an incredibly intellectual man. An academic, a play write and a musician. <br />
I know he has always been an alcoholic but has always been able to hide it under his bubbly personality. Sometimes it’s hard to remember all the wonderful things about him. He has lost a lot of his personality to drink. Even when he has sober months, he isn't the same man. <br />
He started drinking extremely heavily when i finished school and he was about to retire. I am the youngest of 3 and i think he felt like his job was done. <br />
My parents separated, which i always thought would be unbearable to think about but I was so relieved and realised what a toll many years of him drinking and smoking heavily in his cave had taken on my mum. Suddenly she was so much more relaxed and herself then I ever knew she could be. <br />
It wasn't until i cleaned out his room, his "cave" that i realised how bad he was. His room was piled with empty cask wine boxes and the walls were yellow from smoke. <br />
After this he moved on to vodka which ruined him even further. <br />
I remember one day him begging me not to leave his side and me feeling exceptionally guilty when i finally did, after several hours (while my friend waited in the next room). I would always visit my dad and go out to breakfast with him and try to be as supportive and nice as possible. <br />
Embarrassment never really worried me, however he did some very public things. One day he slipped over in the mall and his pants fell down and he refused to get up. Another time he yelled at me in a coffee shop 'do you want me to go to the corner and die'. There were several times like these.<br />
He went to visit his brother in the city with my aunt, where he twice almost got ran over laying in the middle of the road. That was scary to think that he could so easily die. That someone should be watching him all the time. <br />
When he returned we found out he had a blood clot on his brain, he was flown to a hospital in the city where he stayed for weeks and eventually had to have it surgically removed. My sister and I both thought how we didn't care if he was an alcoholic forever as long as he lived. We all visited him in hospital and I went and looked after him while he recovered. <br />
I thought that would be the life threatening thing that would stop him from drinking but a few weeks later, he was drinking again. We begged him to go to rehab and he did. <br />
He loved it, it gave him responsibility and activity. He loved having a part of helping other people through their depression and alcoholism. He was in rehab for 4 months and when he came out he was sober for several months more. <br />
For the first time in 3 years i felt ok to leave him, my siblings were home and he was sober. So I went overseas for 4 months. The best thing I could possibly have done because i realised that I could have a life outside of his alcoholism and even though everybody always said you cant stay for him, it was only then that i realised i could. <br />
Shortly before I came back he started drinking again, which I only found out on my arrival. I knew as soon as I arrived (even though he was sober) that he was different again. More self conscious, less involved. <br />
I felt so angry, so frustrated this time round. I tried to be sympathetic but every time i would talk to him I would just feel so angry. So frustrated at his selfishness. How could he not see how fortunate he was to have 3 wonderful children, a wonderful wife who has stood by him as a friend and his amazing family. All so very supportive. How many alcoholics have that after 4 years?<br />
He recently sobered up and everyone agreed, it was the best we have seen him since he has been a severe alcoholic. Much more comfortable and was actively doing things for himself. My brother said he thought this was going to be it, that this time was for good. 2 days later he is drinking again. Slowly he has gone back into his shell and now he is in a coma like state again, a walking zombie, deeply depressed again. <br />
This time around I feel sad for him, sorry that he is so depressed. How hard it must be to pull yourself out of that state. Tonight I went to him and my sister and I hugged him for some time. All feeling the pain of this horrible disease. <br />
Every time he lapses I feel the same amount of hurt. It somehow always feels like the first time. I always manage to get my hopes up even though I know better. <br />
I think he will die drinking, which is something i have only recently even been able to say without crying. He has never said that he wanted to quit. Not for him. <br />
I am very fortunate though, my dad is a wonderful person, I may make him sound like a monster but he has been a wonderful father. Never raised a finger to any of us.<br />
I looked up children of alcoholics; I could see a lot of the traits in myself.<br />
I used to be quite good at expressing myself, something I suppose I would pride myself on and now I really struggle, it never sounds how I want it to and I want to avoid thinking about things that make me unhappy. <br />
For this reason, I think all of us, myself and my siblings have lost a lot of confidence. Our dad was the person we all looked up to. Its hard to watch the most wonderful person fall. <br />
It said the children often avoid talking about their alcoholic parent/ their experience. I talk about it in a fairly factual way. It helps lift the burden; I don’t think it’s ever a good idea to bottle things up. <br />
One thing it said that I would hate to think I was is a victim. I don’t know if I act like one. <br />
I have tried to fight this for my dad. I’ve tried being kind and supportive, screaming and pouring my heart out. I’ve poured out every bottle I could, I’ve even wrestled him for bottles when he wouldn’t let go. I’ve matched his anger when he has yelled. Which are all hard things to do to someone you respect so much. <br />
My sister and I live with him, we told him once he either had to move out or stop drinking; He said he would move out and I realized I couldn’t kick him out. Better to know where he is and to give him whatever support I can. <br />
My dad drinking has been a very hard but good lesson to learn as a young adult. A whole new understanding of every situation, to understand that life is obscure that anything can happen to anyone. The seemingly obvious lessons which nobody can know until they experience a form of similar heartache. <br />
I haven’t traveled much, or studied enough; both which I regret but I have learnt compassion and strength; Two of life’s best lessons.<br />
I know I will manage any emotional time in my life because of this experience.<br />
Of course I wish this never happened but there are positives in any situation.

I have a very similar story. I really feel sad for my father - he is alone and obviously depressed due to his drinking. He doesn't want to have a family. Drinking is what is most important for him. My sister and I would like to stage an intervention, but we don't know if it is best for him; it might make him feel even more alone. Does anyone have any advice?

Sorry to hear these tragic stories, not to take anything away or discredit. But I grew up with an Alcoholic father and I must admit he was much more fun to be around when he drank. He always held down a job and committed almost all of his free time to his family. He also worked out all the time, I remember he ran a full marathon and the first thing he did when he finished was drink a pint of Vodka. He is still going strong!

I grew up with an alcoholic step father and became an alcoholic in life. Here is my story http://truefeminsmnaphtali.blogspot.com (Please read The taming of the Shrew)

I don't think I could have said it better than you or the responses. I've known my stepfather since I was 5 years old and looked to him as a father. Now at 22, the gin has stolen him away for good. He is dead inside. A few days after Christmas, he snapped on me for the last time. I'm the scapegoat for the family problems. My mother is too. The bullying we suffer from him is the most painful experience of my life. Oh sure, he puts on quite the show in front of others, especially his side of the family. He hides behind his phony bubbly personality, he plays the victim card so well in front of my stepfamily. But he is quite the monster behind closed doors. He has called me every name in the book since I was a young teenager. I'm so broken. I'm afraid my mother and I are both beyond repair. It is so hard to have the man who made so many promises, who had a hand in raising me, to threaten that he will punch me in the face. It is terrifying. I feel so helpless sometimes, all I can think to do is pray to God, pray to the universe, pray to ANYONE to give us strength. To get through this impending divorce. To be stronger than him. To not let him win.

At this point he is a desperate man. He will take my mother and I down with him if we let him. The smartest thing my mother ever did was take the pistols out of the house.