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Growing Up With An Alcoholic

From the ages of 9 years old until I was a senior in High School my mom was married to an alcoholic. Life was very difficult. My mother was physically and mentally abused as well as my older brother and myself. Things were so bad at home that my brother quit school and left home before he was even 16 years old. He lived out on the streets and ate out of garbage cans. I did manage to graduate high school but it wasn't easy considering what we all went through at home. My mom was not financially independent so she felt the need to remain married so we would have somewhere to live. She finally packed up and left him when I was a senior in high school. I have serious issues with people who are heavy drinkers to this day. I avoid them at all costs. I can't stand the smell of Bourbon or Whiskey it makes me ill. There is no reasoning with someone who is an alcoholic. You can never win. The best thing you can do is stay out of their way if at all possible. Remember this, most alcoholics can hide their illness from co-workers and friends. Sometimes when around these people they can put on quite a show and even come across to other people as a happy drunk. Noone else knows how they really are behind closed doors. So pray to God to help you through it and don't form a pattern and end up with a mate like your mother or father did.
cmost cmost 36-40, F 42 Responses Feb 3, 2007

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I know how you feel, I grew up in a similar environment. To this day, I still have trouble trusting men and I practically despise alcohol. I get really mad when my boyfriend drinks even though he never gets drunk. I can't help it, I just automatically become infuriated. It's something I'm still working on but it's comforting to know I'm not alone.

my dad was and continues to be an alcoholic..<br />
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when i was younger and he lived with us he'd would come home drunk and start beating on my mom. So i just made it a habit of staying up all night waiting for him to come home so i can protect her as best as i could but then again i was still in elementary so there wasnt much i could do. Sometimes i'd punch him as hard as i could just so maybe he'd stop, other times i'd yell and cry at the top of my lungs for him to stop. I just remember this 1 specific time i actually got inbetween him and my mom and he ended up hitting me on accident. He quickly realized what he had done and began to apoligize repeatatly but the damage had been done not much physically but deep inside.<br />
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This went on for most of my childhood ....more like all. Finally when i was in the 6th grade my dad got arrested for disturbing the peace and was sent away..... ever since im sad to say but id rather ignore his calls (which come like every half a year) then actually talk to him even though i havnt seen him for like 5 years. He just always makes me cry asking stupid questons like if we still love him and stuff. Most times he calls he's drunk so it gets harder to reply to that question each time. I still love him with all my heart since he is and will always be my only dad.<br />
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Back then i swore id NEVER put alcohol to much lips but that was a promise i couldnt keep. Now i myself drink at times. I dont know what to do. What do i do next?? <br />
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...what i can say is that writing this has helped me open my eyes alot about my childhood since ive never opened up about this situation before to anyone since it usually ends in tears when i speak of it

On more thing I forgot to post, is that I have developed this habit where I tend to lie a lot. Dont know why but I cant seem to tell people the truth unless I really trully trust them. When I meet somone I will lie about what Uni I am at, what job I do (as in work) etc etc.<br />
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Once again, Thanks ;),<br />
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H

I am currently 22 ( will be 23 in July 09).<br />
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I myself had an alcoholic father and my mother who married him was helpless. According to my mother, he started his first drink at around 16-17 years old and started his drinking way before my parents met and married in August 1983. This was also way before I was even born (1986). As a child I was always hit and was taught to listen to my and dad and obey him. being hit for what I believe were petty things such as not doing my school homework and wanting to play outside, being hyperactive as a chld etc. Sometimes I was confused as to why I was hit ( with the confusion of mainly thinking it was because I was a bad boy and had misbehaved or coming to later realise that it was my dad who was drunk and angry just taking his fustrations out on me although I believe when kids are naughty they ought to be smacked for discipline)). dont know???.<br />
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As a child I was always afraid. I developed this constant fear. I also developed behaviour problems where I had been hyperative as a child and couldnt stay in one place always running around ( much calmer as I have grown up). However as a child I was also happy when I would ride my bicycle and constantly played outdoors and had a dont care attitude. <br />
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Whenever dad came home I was fearful of being hit. <br />
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There were days when he would not hit me, would love me, we would go out for dinner with family ( mum and sister) etc. He also bought me things as a child. Any toy I wanted I would get if he could afford it etc. <br />
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Later on as I developed into a young adult I started doing negative things to attract attention, I was also bullied at school and dont know if my submissivness came from being hit as a child. I would get picked on,I was always a loner and felt isolated during break and lunch times at school ( year 8 - year 11) often hanging out alone and couldnt stand up for myself, hated getting into fights and confronting people incase I got hurt through punches and black eyes etc. <br />
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As I grew older I still continued attacting negative attention at college by being the funny class clown. People always thought that I was a fun and happy person to be around with me making jokes in class etc. Maybe I was being someone I wasn't really, to feel loved and cover up my insecurity who knows. I have never really had a proper girlfriend although I have ******* a few girls here and there, sometimes by luck. <br />
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I feel that I cant trust anyone in this world. I believe that If someone becomes too close to me, they would stab me in the back, maybe because previously I have had or thought I had friends or people like that. I still have a few friends now that I have made, but sometimes feel isolated. I know that I am intelligent and have potential and have had people say that to me. However, still dont know whats stopping me doing things in life. Sometimes I dont feel confident in myself and cant talk to women and feel shy and out of place or do so by being the funny clown. Also shy when I am near large crowds of people or hot women. I would like a girlfriend but I dont know if my childhood scar is permanent and would hate to bring it up when I get emotional with her during a relationship and then she would probably leave me due to my past. My dad and mum split in 2001 when I was 16 and he moved out. <br />
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I dont have much confidence but when I go out clubbing, I try and be the big man, and act funny and like I am having a good time but something deep inside still bothers me. <br />
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When I think about it, it make tears roll down my eyes.<br />
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I feel confused, yet I seem to have a goal in life.<br />
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I am currently in Uni ( first year) just broken up for summer. I have also sort of fallen out with uni class mates where I was a loud mouth in lectures and everyone loved me. Slowly I had arguments with certain people in class and stopped being the funny guy. I dont talk to many people in my class now.<br />
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I dont know what to do. I am attractive and can most out of life but sometimes have a fear to take risks although I am ready to take them.<br />
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Currently live with my mum. I am independent and have a job while going to uni and support myself financially. I am proud of myself in that respect. i seem to be a normal person but something deep inside is bothering me, dont know what.<br />
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My father has been out of my life for the past 8 years and I have coped well, I guess.<br />
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Hopefully a specialist out there can piece together what I have posted and can tell me, are these really to do with having an alcoholic father kind of symptoms or??? what else is wrong??<br />
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I will be 23 and want to enjoy my life more than I have ever done. But something stops me. Dont know what.<br />
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Thanks, <br />
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H

My dad is currently in the hospital (4th time this year) due to his alcoholism and I've been really struggling today. It really helped to read your message...I just wanted to thank you for posting it....I do know he loves me and my sibling and he can't stop drinking without help. It's just hard to understand why he won't get help and I'm so sad. I'm planning to attend the next alanon meeting in town to talk about and get support. L

sorry to hear that. so many problems we are facing in life. wish they will go away and leave everybody in peace. the sin of one person affects the universe we live in. it is cause and effect thing. wish you all the best in life and happiness in your future. God bless.

No comment. Everything the same here.

My dad is an alcoholic too. I'm thankful that he is not violent when he's drunk and can sometimes listen to reason but this vice of his really gets me worried -- he has diabetes too and well... his health, the state of his body (he has a huge tummy, balloon-like even) makes me wonder how long he'll last.<br />
I can really tell that he loves my mom and us, his children but if he really loves us, maybe he should stop?<br />
Often his inner thoughts that he didn't express when he wasn't drunk, are spoken when he is drunk. It's irritating because when he's drunk, he really talks a lot and never let's the other party defend themselves for fear that he might snap.<br />
I find it hard to overlook a person's inclination to alcohol despite other qualities (e.g. outgoing, intelligent) that many can consider great.<br />
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I'm really sorry about what happened to you cmost. But I'm not pitying you or something like that. Hopefully, more people would see how much pain alcohol can bring and stop drinking or never start it in the first place. Yesterday, after telling us the story about dad's outbreak in the lavatory, mom expressed disgust regarding the invention of alcohol in the first place.

My dad is an alcoholic too. I'm thankful that he is not violent when he's drunk and can sometimes listen to reason but this vice of his really gets me worried -- he has diabetes too and well... his health, the state of his body (he has a huge tummy, balloon-like even) makes me wonder how long he'll last.<br />
I can really tell that he loves my mom and us, his children but if he really loves us, maybe he should stop?<br />
Often his inner thoughts that he didn't express when he wasn't drunk, are spoken when he is drunk. It's irritating because when he's drunk, he really talks a lot and never let's the other party defend themselves for fear that he might snap.<br />
I find it hard to overlook a person's inclination to alcohol despite other qualities (e.g. outgoing, intelligent) that many can consider great.<br />
<br />
I'm really sorry about what happened to you cmost. But I'm not pitying you or something like that. Hopefully, more people would see how much pain alcohol can bring and stop drinking or never start it in the first place. Yesterday, after telling us the story about dad's outbreak in the lavatory, mom

My father was an alcoholic my entire life and half of his. He would work drink the rest of the night and pass out. On the weekends he would drink all day. Beer was his choice but occasionally he would have to have liquor which made him crazy and he would fight. Many times he would get in his car and rive, we would call the police and let them know he was drinking and driving. Never got pulled over. He had 4 DUI's only went to jail one time for three months.The day he got out his first stop was the beer store. After 29 years of my life like this I knew if he wanted to drink he would it is a disease. He ruined his body and eventually got psrosis of the liver where his stomach balloned 5 times the normal size. The doctor drained the fluid told him if he didnt quit he would die. After draining the fluid 4 more times because he never quit he went home. I knocked on his door one morning and found him in the bed his liver had pretty much busted and everything came up and pooled in his eyes,ears and hair. He had died. I tell that graphic story so no one will ever be an alcoholic and if they are. Please stop and get help. .

WOW IM SO SORRY FOR UR LOSS.............. MY BROTHER PAST LAST YEAR DO TO DRINKING... HE WAS 53

i occasionally joke about the idea of becoming a heavy drinker to mask some of the pain i have felt, but truth be known- i cannot handle the idea of being an alcoholic or marring one. my mother is an alcoholic and i have seen the pain and poor choices that can cause. i am sorry you had to endure a childhood that caused you pain.<br />
m

Female drunks can be just as bad, mindfighter. Where I come from the guys want to fight and the women want to screw everyone. Sound like a prize on the female part?? Tell that to 2 of my male cousins that got the same STD from the SAME woman!!