My Mom Drank Herself to Death

I'm in the same boat Aka (except my mom is still currently busy killing herself). It's a tough road so I feel your pain, but don't let her selfishness and her "disease" distract you from living YOUR life.

My father drank himself to death about 15 years ago and my older brother followed him to the grave the same way a year later. I have known many people to suffer this experience and we all have something in common. We mourn for what we have lost and grieve for what we never had. Only friends and relatives of other alcoholics can understand.

Hi. I am sorryto hear that so many of us had alcoholic parents who died or are dying. Your words moved me. My mother died March 1, 2012. She had been drinking heavily a little over 10 years. Her last months were spent hospitalized and finally in a private room of a nursing home. I was so mean to her about her drinking because nice didnt get me anywhere.My two daughters couldnt spend time alone with her since she refused to drive sober with them. My mother told me often in the beginning that it was the. fault of my siblingps and i that she drank. Our problems were just too stressful. Well i set out on a mission to solve all of our problems without bothering her. Nothing worked. Even through all the drinking and mess ups and lying my mother remained my hero. She was a single mother. Put herself back through college in her forties so we would make it. She was always strong abd let us know that we didnt need prince charmings.. we three girls had the ability to handle anything life threw at us. All of that changed with the drink though. She was like teenager who had rebelled. All of a sudden she could no longer handle anything and i gave her much support in and out of rehab visits. The problem is im sitting here quietly sobbing because i only remember the last few moths i had with her and her dying breath. The happy parts of my memories of her have all gone somwhere. If i cant have her back the way she was at least the powers that be could leave the good memories. I dont know if these words were aceeptable here but i thank you that i felt in good enough company to type them

As far back as I can recall my father always had a drink before anything else. As he got older the drinking progressed and there was less of anything else. I was about forty when I first realized that having flushed the best part of his life down the toilet he would probably drink himself to death. He did within the next five years. I have met many other people with this experience and there is definitely one thing that we all have in common. We all mourn for what we have lost and grieve for what we never had. My father never showed the least bit of interest in AA or in getting sober. I attended Al-anon meetings during the worst of it and met many other people who had been through experiences just like mine. They offered me something I had not found anywhere else, non-judgmental acceptance. No one else seems to understand what it is like watching someone you love drink them self to death. There is really nothing you can do to stop someone else from drinking. The combination of anger, helplessness and guilt would have been insufferable without the 12 step fellowship. You do not have to pledge or pay anything. Just turn up and keep an open mind. When the student is ready the teacher appears.

Here is something i wrote in my Humanities class as a 'This i believe' essay. I used a fight club quote at the end because it is truly a battle. I joined the website just to share my experience of my mothers death three years ago. Hope it gives some light to a situation as tragic as all these all have been.

I believe in Disaster,
A part of her, our memories shared and the lessons she taught me will stay with me always, but for now only her ashes are left for me to keep and spread throughout my lifetime. When I was eighteen years old I admitted my mom into the Baylor hospital and a week later my mom passed after over a decade of alcoholism on November 7, 2010. Her liver was completely deteriorated with little chance of turn around along with kidney failure. With her internal organs failing her I had to say goodbye and so I embraced her one last time and gave her a kiss goodnight in her hospital bed for eternity. In only a few months I will be graduating high school and walking the stage, completing a chapter, turning the page to my future and a future without my mom, my best friend. I can only speak about this now because then I had no voice. Often times I would find myself lying in bed before this disaster occurred and often wondering how I was going to take care of my mom for the rest of our life together at 8 years old . I hope she will quit soon-10 years old. When will this end?- 13 years old. I’m looking up rehabs at 15 years old.. What is rock bottom? the ultimate question in my mind by 17 years old.. Often times I wanted to just call the police or scream for help, my mom is dying! Please save us! For years. The rabbit hole of depression can take people so far and often times it was difficult for me to understand, but it affected me just the same. I felt depression, I felt physically sick, and I felt hopeless for us.
I believe in Resurrection,
Much like a phoenix rising from a pool of his past ashes to live yet again, I have too, risen. I have been released from that pain, the addiction and lifestyle in silence. I am even more relieved my mom no longer has to suffer and now I can find happiness like she would have really wanted. Though her ashes I possess cannot be resurrected into the amazing being she truly was, I forgive her for choosing the path she did, I forgive her because I love her. Love is the only real thing on this earth and I know despite her depression, she loved me like a mother and that is immortal. I will hold her last words forever close. My mom was a wise woman, she prepared me to handle all I can now and that is the greatest gift she gave me; to choose. I choose to live, I choose to carry on after disaster. I choose to rise above because I am alive. As bittersweet the years I spent with my mom were I truly believe ‘Only after disaster can we be resurrected.’

Hey. i'm so sorry that you are going trough this. My mother is a alcoholic too...

I am sixty seven and my mom died due to alchoholism 42 years ago today, March 17th. She was only 47. I really have not gotten over this my entire life, although one might say my life has been successful with a family, career, friends and now retirement. I always have this feeling that I could have done something but either did not or could not. I worry about one of my sons now, who at 39, drinks too much. My greatest fear has surfaced again...how can I help my son?

I am 17 years old and my mother passed feb 4 2013 due to alcholism she died at 43 and today is her birthday march 14... all that i pretty much wanted in a family never came true..but my mother was never a bad woman if anything everyone looked up to her as a great mother she was a beautiful woman and her personality was unforgettable.. when my mother started to drink it was when my dad and my mother got divorce he beat my mother i don't really know him as a person but he was rarely in my life and we moved to Charlotte so my mom got a house with her bff she was with since 7th grade and she got me and my brother in school he is 16 now and we did everything but i did eventually realize when i grew up to be 15 she was a real alcholic since we've moved here....she was adopted so i don't know that side...it was just only me her and my brother she called us the three muskteers...she eventually had health issues first it was the vomiting of blood or bleeding a lot after metapose she then has weird ceizures after she could barely walk down the staris... and nobody has ever known of this she beca,e somebody she wasn't and eventually this day she agreed to go to the e.r then me forcing her and it was when she was there over a week somebody says she has 3months or 30 days she died in a week i watched her as she passed away I'll never forget it...they pronounced her dead 3times...she didn't want to let go...but i never knew she was on life support the last time i saw her in icu i was argruing with my stepdad about my real father getting custody of us again not being 18 in the law legal way it sucks and at the end he did get my brother...charlotte. his whole life to Colorado with a bunch of strangers the next day...i miss my mom a lot i didn't get to say bye....i really wish she would just see me for a sec to kiss me and hug me gooodbye...buti try to stay strong for her and my brother..they put him in a mental hospital he said he would try to kill himself now he's regretting what he says bit im not alowwed to talk to him about my mom and the good ans great memories. If anyone needs advice i need some.....ans how to emotionally deal and aceept this..

Wow, I can't believe that I just discovered this blog. I have been wondering where to turn to. I looked into an al anon group recently but did not make it to the meeting, then got busy with things and was telling myself that I am okay.

But I know in my heart that I am really not. My mother died on Christmas day of cirrhosis of the liver. Her liver and kidneys slowly shut down over the course of about a month (although the process had begun years before of course). She had hepatic encephalopathy which gave her dementia and ventrices which made her vomit blood. They told me she was sick again at the beginning of December just as I was finishing my masters thesis. I wasn't able to come down immediately. She had many bouts of "near death" over the last ten years, and I was just too wrapped up in trying to finish something that was very important to me to break away (not to mention I did not have the funds to do so).

As per her usual routine, she began to make a miraculous recovery around the middle of the month, so I rested easy and celebrated my graduation with plans to visit on the 23rd. During that time she developed an infection called sepsis, which involves complete organ failure. She slipped into a coma just 48 hours before I was supposed to arrive. I had kept in touch with my sisters throughout most of her ordeal (who were able to come down earlier than me). They said that she had been violent. She was hallucinating. They had to strap her down, and she still kept hitting, slapping and biting herself.

When she passed she was completely bloated, green. Her eyes kept rolling in the back of her head like some sort of possessed demon. It was the most horrible thing I think I have ever seen. However, when she passed we all felt an odd sense of peace. In a way, I thank God that she is finally gone, but I still miss her of course.

Despite all of the pain and damage that she did to us as children and the horrors that she put us through, the fact is that before the booze got her she was a beautiful, vivacious, creative woman who put a smile on almost anyone's face when she walked into a room. We are all so sad that we could not help her, but she refused all of our help and continued to lie and steal and squander everything that ever meant anything to us all so that she could continue drinking. I feel so angry and hurt still and also numb.

We spend Christmas and New Years cleaning out her apartment, because she had nothing left (not even a life insurance policy) and we had to have her things out by the 1st. Luckily, the apartment complex was lenient with us b/c of the circumstances. Anyway, I still feel really numb, because this is all so fresh. But I just couldn't believe some of the parallels with other stories I was reading, and I guess I just needed to get some of this off of my chest.

I can't believe this horrible disease has effected all of us so deeply, and I am truly sorry to all of you. I think we have to find strength in sharing our stories and in building better lives for ourselves. God bless to all of you, and thank you for listening.

This is so sad, and also so that so many of us (myseof included) can relate. My own mother hasn't yet passed, though at her current rate it's inevitable. I haven't spoken to her in months, she's caused much grief in my life and won't acknowledge she has a terrible disease/addiction to the bottle. I don't know what I'd do if she passed away with our relationship as non-existent as it has become. I hope I never have to find out. Best of luck to you, my heart goes out to you and all others dealing with the loss of a parent to the liquid devil... <3 <3 <3

my mom was the best. She took me and my sibiling on holidays and camping. She was always there for us. I miss her so much. I wish everyday that I could talk to her one more time. Is there anyone else out there that had a parent that was like this,and still left this world because of alcohol abuse. I would of done anything for my mom and she would of done anything for me. I donot feel my mom ruined anything for me I have many great memories of her and I love my life.

my Mum died two weeks ago. She pretended it was not happenning so i pretended a bit too. i loved her so much, but when icomfonted her she knew all the reight things to say i am guilty but i beli eved her ****

You wrote this quite a while ago, but I thought you should know I appreciate it. My mother died a few weeks ago, also from alcohol and drug abuse. I was so mad at her for ruining my childhood and adolescence, and now it's all so much worse because there will never be any resolution. She left my whole family to clean up her mess, and I can't even mourn normally because her life was so screwed up and now I'm having to deal with it.
Of all the stuff I've looked at online about the death of substance abusing parents, this is the one thing that resonates with me.

I am 28 years old and just lost my mother who was 54 from liver and kidney failure due to her 20 year battle with alcoholism. My story has a heart-breaking twist though. My mother drank heavy most of my life. I didn't have the best childhood, but after 20 years my mother had spent the last 2 years attempting to remain sober and change her life. We thought she was lucky that so far she hadn't managed to have any serious health or medical problems from drinking and we thought she was especially in the clear considering she hadn't drank in two years. I was enjoying getting to know the mother I didn't have in childhood. Life was good for a little while. One day several months ago, I was at my mothers house and we were talking and getting ready to go shopping for the afternoon and when my mom went to grab her purse from the other room she suddenly fell to the floor. I ran to her and saw blood dripping out of her nose and mouth, her eyes were rolled back in her head and she was barely breathing, she wouldn't respond to me. I called 911 and she was rushed to the hospital and put on life support in the ICU. We found out she had liver and kidney failure due to her 20 years of alcoholism and even though she had stopped drinking, she had done so much damage, that her liver had been slowly shutting down for a while and we just didn't know. She spent months in a coma in the ICU and we were told she wouldn't survive. Somehow, she pulled threw and woke up. We were told in order to survive she would have to receive a liver transplant as soon as possible and that until then she'd be put on dialysis to flush out her body like her liver and kidneys were suppose to do. We quickly realized she wouldn't survive being placed on a liver transplant list so I decided to be a live liver donor for her. Because she had been sober for 2 years and had changed her life and received therapy/treatment for her alcoholism I was willing to have a piece of my liver removed and given to her. I went through months of testing while she remained in the hospital on dialysis but finally I was cleared to donate and I was a match. 2 weeks prior to the date planned for the actual transplant surgery, I was visiting my mom in her hospital room and was talking to her while she was hooked up to the dialysis machine and in mid-sentence she suddenly flopped over and once again blood was running from her nose and mouth and a series of loud beeps and noises began to sound off all the monitors she was hooked up to. I was frozen in shock.Her heart had stopped. Nurses and doctors ran in and started trying to resuscitate her. They managed to regain a heartbeat and she was placed on full life support but went into a coma and never woke up again. We found out even with dialysis, at that very moment, she had completely lost any and all function in her liver or kidneys and since your liver is what creates the enzymes that make the blood clot, she began leaking blood from her nose, mouth, ears, eyes, everywhere. She was bleeding to death internally and mainly at the injection site of the dialysis tube. They tried to keep transfusing blood in as fast as it was leaking out, they tried to give her plasma and medicines to attempt to get her blood to clot, but it failed. She lived another 8 hours on life support, enough time to alert family and everyone to come see her to say their goodbyes. We had been so close to possibly giving her a new lease on life. It was too little too late. I had done everything to try and save her and at the last minute she passed anyway. I have tried to accept I did everything on my part I could. I have tried to remember, she caused it on herself with her poor choices that spanned over 20 years but its hard to get past she really had tried to change but all the trying in the world just couldn't undo all the damage she had done to her poor body. It just gave out. So she didn't die in vain, all I can do is break the cycle and not follow in her footsteps. I never want my own child to live with what I've been through. Never. But I do hope my mother, where ever she's gone to, has found the peace she just couldn't seem to find here on earth. I hope now she's free from her pain.

I am 21 years old. I grew up in a foster home because my parents had addictions. I moved to the city two years ago, where they both live and although they still had struggles, I would spend as much time as I could with both of them. My mother died almost a month ago of alcoholism. She was 45. She started drinking really heavily recently, drinking the toxic stuff - rubbing alcohol and mouthwash. Her boyfriend John had been staying away from their place on and off because her drinking and behavior while drunk was bad for his heart. He had a couple heart attacks in the past year so he was looking out for his own life. My mom tried to stop but was struggling, especially when he would leave. She was paranoid he had found someone else. I guess she eventually drank herself to death because her body broke down finally from gastrointestinal bleeding. She passed away on the 10th of July in her hotel room with no one but her cat Princess around. John found her when he came home from work. He and myself and my sister are all devastated. He feels guilty. My sister and I feel lost, I'm at least glad that we all have eachother. I feel so much pain for not only myself but for John and my sister as well. A week before she died, the last time I saw her, she had stomach pains. Lying in bed, upset about John. I asked her what it was and she just told me she had gotten beat up. I wish everyday that I had done something different when I had seen her last. I wish she told me the truth about the pain. One of the last things I said to her was "dont worry mom, Barbara and I are going to help you through this. Just hold on, we are figuring everything out, just hold on" I only got two solid years with her from when I moved to the city. Now I have to live on without her. I know she is no longer hurting but it's so hard to accept the "forever" part of goodbye. Alcoholism is such a horrendous part of life and I would never wish the pain I feel on my worst enemy. Rest in peace to My beautiful mother Tina James and everyone else's lost family members on this site. God bless.

i found al anon very helpful in understanding myself and a lot of the issues I faced because of my mothers alcoholism. through the program i have begun to understand many of my behaviours and fears and I am learning how to be a better role model to my kids. It is really hard though and i can see it is a lifelong journey as I put up so many defences as a child to cope with living in such a difficult situation. I also have needed a lot of individual counselling but the mess unravels year by year and as long as I am growing it feels right. i wish you love and courage in your journey.

I am now older than my old man was when he passed due to his drinking. (One of the 1000's of reasons why I don't drink.) My best friend never even made it to age 50. I get so angry when I think about this because I relate what they did to themselves as suicide because each death was COMPLETELY PREVENTABLE.

My mom is 52. She has been an alcoholic since the age of 14. She met my father at an AA retreat on the beach..they are both alcoholics. Alcohol tore apart their marriage. She had ten-12 years of sobriety before she started up again. During those years she gave birth to four of us. I am the oldest of four, ranging in age from 17-23. We are all good kids, probably despite them. My dad would never admit he has a problem, but he has a bad temper and his stressed out easily, especially with chronic back pain. My mom is extremely depressive and suffers from severe anxiety. I love them both, but I am becoming numb to the situation. Since my grandmother died (not an alcoholic), my mother has not been the same. A year of sobriety here, a few months there. But today I was driving two hours to pick her up from her job because she lost her liscenece and wrecked her car due to alcohol. Trying to support her and help her keep a job, I dropped her off, she would stay in a hotel near the job site. Today i drove up there..she wouldn't anwser my texts. I called her a couple of times, no anwser. More calls...she finally anwsers. I know she was drunk. After 12 years of dealing with this, I know what she sounds like under the influence. "are you drunk?" -"no.." "Oh. well...please anwser the phone when I call. I will be there in thirty minutes."



I call when i reach the work site and she has turned off her phone. I try all the different hotels in the area, and finally find the one she is staying at. They won't give me her room number, so they try to call her room. She has all calls blocked from the service desk. I call the cops. When they get there, I explain the situation. They go up to her room and a few minutes later ask me to come up. 20+ liters of wine bottles. Barefoot. Livingston. ****. wine. **** in the toilet. vomit in the bathtub. she had her shoes on. The cop gave her a guilt trip and then left. I asked her if she wanted to die. She said yes.



Guess I'm not worth living for. How can I let her go with out trying to save her? it's a loose-loose situation.



God bless the children of alcoholics. Our hearts are heavier than mosts. Let's compare scars, we'll show them whose is worst...

I am 27 and my alcoholic mother who is 50 yrs. old was just sent to Hospice yesterday. I have dealt with her alcoholism most of my life. She was mean, unloving and cruel due to her drinking from about the time I was 10 years old and on. Then, as she developed liver disease from drinking, I was the only one around to care for her. She had abandoned me for drinking when I was just a little girl yet here I was being there for her. She never apologized for what her drinking had done to me, I doubt she's even aware how she's truly wounded my soul. I am now 27, I am watching her slip away more and more everyday and I can't help but feel, I wasn't good enough for her to live for..

Alcoholism is a disease, no one is to blame, I think of alcohol like being a demon within someones body, it happens to lots of people no matter what their background is, I sometimes think that it is worse than drugs, its a bigger killer and what makes it worse is that its socially exceptable and its legal. If you have lost someone to alcohol misuse its very hard to cope with the loss, just remember its not your fault dont dwell on all the bad times, remember the good times you shared together, its good to make an album and put together any photos of any good shared memories you had, it really helps when you are feeling down.

I am the daughter of, the granddaughter of, the wife of, the mother of, the niece of, and the sister of alcoholics. Did I forget anyone, Lord I hope there's no more.



My brother (at 43) and uncle (at 60 something) died of alcoholism. My grandmother died when I was 18 (43 years ago), but I don't know if it was related to her alcoholism, but I'm guessing it was, as the family never really talked about it.



My dad at 50, when I was 15, decided he had had enough, and with help he quit and never drank again. He continued to hang out at the same places he had when he drank; he switched to coffee if it was in the am, and then soda if it was in the pm. He wouldn't give up his friends; he felt if he had to do that, he'd quit nothing. I don't know how he had the strength, but he never drank again, and died at 77 from something totally unrelated.



My husband, whom I never thought of as an alcoholic (but he did) because he only drank beer, quit when he was 40, which is just over 25 years ago. He gave up going to taverns or bars entirely for the first 20 or so years, and it's only been recently since retirement that we now go to a bar with friends occasionally. He is always the designated driver, and I wouldn't wish it any other way.



My daughter has 7 years clean and sober now. We thought we'd lost her when we finally said we would no longer help her. She finally hit bottom, lived on the streets or wherever she could flop with a friend. Then she pulled herself back up, put herself through college beginning at 34, and is now a juvenile alcohol and drug counselor; who better than someone who's been there?



As I've never been anything other than an occasional drinker, I can't say how hard it is for them to stay sober, but I thank God every day that they each decided enough was enough when they did. I would not want to lose any more of the people I love to alcohol.

I think I understand some of what you are going through due to the experience of alcoholism in my own family. Most of the time I spent with my father as a kid was both dangerous and frightening because he was so drunk. I can not recount the number of times I felt my life was in peril because he seemed unaware of how impaired his judgement and movements were. He would drive me in his car, even take me on the open sea in a leaky fishing boat when he was too drunk to walk in a straight line. As a teenager I felt nothing but anger towards him, and guilt at my own anger because most of his (drinking) buddies spoke so highly of him. I suppose he had some admirable qualities but he basically flushed the best of his life down the toilet. Not once did I ever hear him admit that his drinking may be doing him or anyone else some harm. A year after he drank himself to death my older brother followed him to the grave in the same way. It's enough to scare you off it for life. I very seldom touch the stuff these days, now that I've seen the damage done. I have learned a bit about the disease of alcoholism and my part in it by attending AA meetings. They are free and very often welcome visitors as observers. My older brother was aged 54 when he died an alcoholic. I've met (sober) men who looked better at age 90. My father lived until about age 79. He was defiant to the very end that he would 'have a drink' whenever he wanted to.

I am so sorry to hear hun. I lost my mom 6 weeks ago and its very hard.



I hope you manage to get thru this. Stay strong. I cry alot. lol



Debbie you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hi. My mom is 76 and still an alcoholic of more than 30 years. You are not alone- I feel like I have many problems from how I was raised by her (abusive). Low self-esteem, always doubting my own decisions, pessimism, hopelessness, self-mutilation being the worst. Try reading about detachment from Alanon. You are not alone.

I dont exactly how you feel but i can relate my mom died from the same illness the only thing is that im 14 years old and now a girl liveing without a mother i miss her so much and its really hard im so sorry for your loos and your not alone

my mother is almost there. just a few months ago another trip to the hospital but this time it was alot worse, the doctors told us not to expect her to survive but she somehow pulled herself out of her drug-endused coma and as soon as she went back to her house which she pays for with my child support money, she began drinking again. i really want to help her before it come to death but its almost there and i dont live with her, im only 16 i dont have the choice. i feel extremly guilty not helping her but this is my last year in school i have big exams coming up and i cant help her too often. she definitely doesnt want to stop. we've tried everything, detox multiple times, she ended up on the streets for a few years when i was younger i hardly reember that though, we've given her ultimatiums we even made her move out ,she lives alone and the rest of my famly has given up and im close to it but i know if i did and she died i wouldnt be able to cope with the guilt. got any ideas on what i should do?

a good book for you is "Perfect Daughters" by Robert Ackerman PHD.

I haven't written for a long time on E.P. which is probably one of my favorite things to do I've been pre-occupied taking care of sick uncle, but after reading your story I was inspired to write a comment I'll try to keep it simple. I think you need to start with you first and slowly unravel the effects your mother illness on you if your feeling terribly confused try to find a way to pin point it, I'ts hard and sometimes selfish I know I've been there, and a lot of the times very painful but if you face it and hurdle one bridge at a time you'll feel better for awhile and then the funk will start again and then you'll know it's time to go searching for yourself sometimes it;s something small sometimes it's something big but once you find out the reason for the blue funk your in you can cry it out or take over and be the parent to yourself your mother wasen't. I've gone from loving my parents to hating them and pitying them and then finally understanding them. I'm still having those blue funk days and I don't always deal with them as a healthy adult, but I've come a long way in the past 28 years, yea it seems like a long time to go soul searching but you really haven't got much of a choice its your life you can go on beating yourself up over it or take charge and love yourself which I will tell you honestly I still haven't learned how to do well thats my smelly opinion get help from a 12 step program you'll find your not alone and that it's not an uncommon disease and there are many people suffering from the effects of it just like you. Good luck and pray it works, thats all.

I am moved with compassion for your loss at your mother's death and for the losses that you must have endured all during your life due to her Alcoholism.



I am an adopted child, but my biological parents were alcoholics, and through therapy I learned that children born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome tend to become addicts themselves, not necessarily to booze, but pills, sex, etc. That was supposedly found out by doing Autopsies on the brains of children born of alcoholics.



I plan, at some point to share my adoption story, and it will touch on alcoholism. I plan to call it "Legacy of an Adopted Child", so look for it. I hope that it will be a good one and that I'll write it well. Take care. I will pray a prayer for you. (Hope that's ok)



nightangel53

I wrote on this site Aug 2007, (read above) because I lost my mom to alcohol and didn't know where to turn. Thank you all for your advice. I went to meetings for children of Alcoholics, grievance counseling, and took anti-depressants. I had a dream that my mom was upset because I was so depressed, and that did it. I knew she wouldn't want me to keep grieving. It still hurts, but now I focus on the good things in my life. I have no kids but a little niece and nephew, a wonderful job and husband.



Not a day goes by that I don't think of my mom. It's still hard, but I know life goes on. You have no choice, but to live this life as best as you can. Just pray for them and yourself. Good luck and God bless.