My mom has been an alcoholic all my life. I found out about it when I was 7. I am now 17, and in a few months I will be 18. She has said many horrible things when she was drunk. It makes me mad because people always say "drunken words are sober thoughts." It makes me sick to think that she could actually mean the things that she says to me. She tells me that I am garbage and nothing but garbage. I think I have been very patient in the past and I have been really good at hiding when something is wrong. I do not know what to do anymore. I just can't handle this anymore and I dont want to do it. I dont have the energy to deal with it anymore and I'm ready to get out. About 2 years ago she made me so unhappy with my life that I became suicidal. Everyday I would come home from school and I would sit there and think about how much I had wanted to die. I dont know how I did it, but without the help of anyone I got myself through it and to this day none of my friends or family ever knew that I had tried or even thought about killing myself. I have not thought about killing myself in about a year, but I just cant deal with my mom drinking anymore. I am so tired of it, it makes me sick. It is so bad that she doesnt need to do or say anything and I will be so angry with her that I want to punch something. I never act on this anger, but its there. I do not know how to deal with it, I just need to get out of here. My best friend knows how bad it gets here, but she doesnt understand. She always tells me things, but it's never anything that could ever help. She thinks that I dont want to try, but I know that there is nothing that can be done. The other night my mom was drunk and started a fight with me and told me that I was a "useless mistake." I told my friend that and she kept saying things that suggested that I had done something to make her say this and act this way. She kept telling me that I need to ignore her and to stay out of her way. I can not help that my mother is like that. It's not my fault, nothing she says is something I start, so I dont understand how my best friend could tell me that. Another thing she told me was that I should tell her when she is sober what she says to me when she is drunk. Her outcome of that situation is my mom staying in her room when she drinks or her laying off the alcohol until later at night. That made me so angry beyond belief. I cannot control my mom when she is drunk. When a person drinks they do not think about the effect it has on others. When I come to her and tell her something that my mom did when she was drunk, I wish that she would just listen and not try to give me advise because she clearly doesnt understand and does not know what it is like. It made me so much more mad than I was when I started talking to her. No one understands what I am going through.