Looking Back At My Father

I look back at my life and realize that my father spent most of the first half of my life in and around alcohol.  He drank to the point my mother had to put him out.  I saw him one more time after he left before he died ironically on father's day when i was 21.  The most concrete thing my father ever said to me was when I was 12.  He leaned forward and said "Son, I was a **** up.  Don't do what I did in your life."  That might not sound like much but I recognize it for what it was.  My father holding up his life as a warning sign so that I do not follow him down the same path.  So I guess in one lucid moment my father saved me because I analyze a lot of my actions by what my father did in certain situations and I look to improve upon those choices in my own life.

GoodMan67 GoodMan67
41-45, M
2 Responses Feb 26, 2010

My father was an alcoholic, he was violent and abusive and I grew up full of hate and fear.<br />
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He no longer drinks but my relationship with him is scarred......we will never have that father/daughter relationship I dreamt of. That saddens me but even more, I am saddened that he will never acknowledge all that he has done to me or to my mother. <br />
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I dream of the day he tells us that he is sorry for all the pain he has caused us......perhaps then I could get over all the hurt. I think that would be lovely.

I decided that when I share something here, it's going to be real. Well some of the short stories I write will be loosely based on something. I'll take license. But if I relate something about my life. it's going to be the truth.