Which Is the Real Older Sister?

Me and my older sister have always been like oil and water, we just didn't mix. I think when I was little she expected me to be like one of her dolls, just happening to be alive. She'd dress me up in cute little dresses and want to play dolls, I'd escape and go outside and wrestle with the boys and come back filthy. She always told me that girls don't act like that. I'd ask why and she just said no one would like me if I did. I tried to play barbies, but somehow barbie always ended up a spy or a superhero and Ken always ended up dead somehow. My sister never understood it. One time some boys came over and caught me playing with dolls. They started making fun of me, so I chucked a barbie at them. Well that started a free-for-all, and my sister came back, her dolls scattered everywhere and a couple of them had lost a limb and a head. I asked her if she wanted to play barbie war too. She burst out crying and ran out of the room. It was the first time I had upset her so much, and I really didn't know why.

 We both got older and she started highschool. I was in fifth grade, but I was already taller than her. She was, and still is, a tiny little thing. She started to get into trouble, drinking, smoking, and doing drugs. One night I heard her crying. She was right across the hall from me, so I walked out of my room and went into her room. She was smoking and drinking from a bottle. She saw me and started to ball about how bad she was. Being bad didn't really faze me all that much, I was always doing things I shouldn't. But my sister wasn't, she always followed the rules. I asked her to tell me what she did...and got every detail. She was drunk and probably stoned too. She told me things I had not a clue what they were. But I listened and pretty soon she stopped. She told me never to tell Mom, and I told her I wouldn't. She passed out. So every once in a while she'd sneak into my room and tell me she needed to talk to me. She almost always was drunk, and I learned everything about growing up. Her drunken ramblings was D.A.R.E. and sex ed combined. She thought it went right over my head, but I knew after a while exactly what she was talking about. I felt so needed, and felt like her closest friend. She even asked what I thought she should do, and I told her. After her freshman year and when I started middle school, she got clean. She quit smoking and doing drugs and drinking so much. She didn't need me anymore, so I was just the little sister again. She started to try to get me to wear make-up and ditch t-shirts. Didn't happen. When I still hung out with boys, she demanded to know which one I liked. I told her we were just friends, and she asked me why I would hang out with them then. She just didn't get it. I started my rag when I was 12 right before a basketball game. I just told my mom to bring me some stuff and still played. My sister was angry that I didn't tell her. She told me how freaked out she was and had to miss school for a week. She asked me how I felt. I told her I knew it was going to happen and didn't really want to talk about it, it was disgusting. She always tried to have "girl talk" with me, and I just wasn't all that into it. So she started to ignore me.

My freshman year started and sister started to date a guy who was a little obsessed with her. He was always, ALWAYS, with her. I really didn't like him, and made sure he knew it. My sister ended up breaking up with him, but it wasn't the end of it. My sister came over to our house one night, and I was walking back to my house when I saw his car pull into our driveway. I started to run and he started pounding on our door and yelling for my sister to come out. I didn't know what to do, I knew it was just my two sisters in there. We had left the softball bats outside in the yard, so I grabbed one and debated whether to hit him with it or not. He started to kick to door in and screamed that my sister was a *****. So I swung the bat and broke the back windshield of his car. He turned around and started yelling. I broke two more windows and he started to run at me. I swung the bat as he got closer and he dived out of the way, but got nicked in the back of the head. My sister yelled out the door that she called the cops, then went back inside. He wobbly got up and I stepped back and held my bat ready to swing. He looked at me with loathing and I told him if I ever saw him near my sister again, I'd break his head open. To emphasize, I swung the bat into the back door of his car, and left a head sized dent. He scrambled out of the way as I chased after him. He called me a crazy ***** and jumped into his car. I broke out his back tail light as he floored away. I ran up to the house and told my sister it was just me. She opened the door sobbing and told me how stupid I was to do that. I angry, so I told her maybe she shouldn't date nutjobs then show them where we live, and maybe if she had listened to me this wouldn't have happened. She started crying even harder and ran off and locked herself in the bathroom. I had to deal with the cops when they came, and my sister had to be talked out of the bathroom by an officer. My mom came home and I expained what had happened, and she was appalled about what I had said to her. She went to go comfort my sister and left me standing there feeling like an *******. 

Awhile after this happened I started to get into trouble. My sister tried to get me to talk about it, but since every little thing I told her somehow got back to my mom, I shut up. She started to pretend I didn't exist anymore. I started to spiral out of control, and she just said I was stupid and selfish and left it at that. There were no late night drunken ramblings for me. I wasn't about to put my little sister though what I went through. I told no one, not even my friends, about what I did. 

Two years later, I was alone. I had no friends. My sister had met a new guy and they had been dating awhile. I met him and thought he was great. We started talking. He was like the older brother I had never had. I'd go over to my sisters house and we'd drink and talk for hours. He'd ask me things about my sister he didn't understand, and I'd explain. We weren't at all attracted to one another, we were just friends. My sister did not like this one bit. She still did not understand that I could hang out with a guy and just be like a guy without any attraction. She'd come out and just sit there. We didn't talk nearly as much when she was around. That only made her more suspicious, but we just talked about personal things that neither of us wanted her to hear, things in our past. One night after a conversation that lasted until morning, she stormed out of her room and dragged him back to her bedroom. She started to yell at him, and it wasn't very pretty. I heard nothing from him. Soon the door opened, and she started yelling at me, and crying. She thought I was after him and called me a ****. She demanded to know why I had to take the only decent guy she's found. She also called me a pathetic loser. I kept my cool, and said it wasn't like that. She just kept yelling. I got up, and grabbed my keys. She told me how much she couldn't stand me and how she wished I would have just drank myself to death. I felt tears prickling I asked her to look at me, and how could anyone possibly like a fat, ugly ***** like me and I ran out the door. I went to my car and just cried and cried. 

She apologized later, blamed it on the alcohol, but it didn't matter. What was said was said. I didn't talk to her boyfriend anymore, even though he tried. I just kept my distance. Soon they were engaged, and she was trying to decide who her maid of honor should be. I knew it wasn't going to be me, and it wasn't. It was my cousin, who had never done anything for her, but who was always talking with her. So the day of her wedding I was the odd one out. I walked alone up the aisle, because the groom only had 4 standing with him and my sister had 5. I stood at the end in a dress, and watched them get married. I didn't even want to be there. It was a bright sunny day, and it was the most beautiful ceremony I had ever seen, and I felt like an ugly blot on it. They rode off in a horse and carriage, and I went for the liquor.

My sister is expecting now. She's due in four months. We've pretty much patched things up, or at least things are civil. When she got her ultrasound to see if it was a girl or a boy, the baby kept moving around like it didn't want her to know. Finally, they found out it was going to be a little girl. I think she might have her hands full. 

 

pleasegivemeasmile21 pleasegivemeasmile21
18-21, F
Feb 15, 2009