They Always Blame Me!For many years I have been the one who my family blames. No matter what I do, I seem to be wrong and I'm excluded from family gatherings (Christmases, weddings and other get-togethers). However, some of my family still use me for hospitality when it suits them!
I have tried so hard to be accepted by my two younger sisters and younger brother, their partners and children.
I have tried to figure out why I'm excluded and realise that it started with my father who saw in me characteristics of his older brother, whom he hated and an aunt he loved to ridicule. I was never taken seriously by my father, was ridiculed by him and regarded by him as his least favourite, least lovable child.
I tried to build up defences against my father's abuse of me and also my sisters and brothers, as he passed his behaviour on to them. My mother was too weak-minded to intervene much on my behalf.
The damage of being my family's scapegoat has had terrible consequences for me. I married when very young a man who quickly sided with my father and siblings against me. I divorced him after a few years. Twenty years later my second husband behaved in a similar way to my first and became a buddy of my father's and they both insulted and abused me verbally. When I was young I made friends with people who treated me in a similar way to my family but now I have better people around me. I have understandably always been afraid of groups and usually keep away from them. I am therefore a bit of a loner and mistrust people, which has made me feel very lonely at times.
My daughter has suffered at the hands of my family and, as a result, doesn't want to know them. She advises me to keep away which I am doing now (but very late in my life unfortunately).
I am sad I couldn't have put my family behind me earlier. Initially I think they were jealous of me as I could outsmart them in an argument.
I don't have the strength to write about the terrible experiences I' ve had at the hands of my family. I blame my father but I do feel my sisters and brother could have seen through my father's twisted cruelty. It seemed that whenever there was stress in the family they turned on me and "kicked" me. I really am a total scapegoat for them and it is very painful indeed.