I Was The Doormat Of Two Families.

Im am the first born child. You would think its a great thing, being the first and the spoilt, the one that gets all the attention and first dibs on everything.
Well not in this reality for me.
I was born to a teenage mother and a abusive father, who is from a abusive family. My mothers side of the family are drug addicts and alcoholics who all suffer some form of mental illness.
I was in a tug of war, right in the middle, listening to both sides put down and degrade each side with atrocious insults and empty threats. I was the messenger, I was the one who went to bed every night with thoughts of anger and hate, all imprinted deep by members of my families slurring on their horrible words.
I picked up the pieces of my own shattered life and the pieces of others who didnt give a damn about me. All I wanted was normal family. But it seems when my parents decided to get together, the war of worlds erupted. My mother is white, my father is native. white and black will always attract some kind of scorn and close mindedness and I took the brunt of being a half breed w.hore as my fathers family called me.
I paid their bills, even without my consent.
I cooked their meals. I put up with my mothers mother, a drunk abusive old hag that nagged me through many years and told me how much she hated me so.
I put up with a abusive aunty who was trouble all her own life and because I had my children and she did'nt, decided to call child services on me for nothing.
And laughed at my suffering. I am the scapegoat of two families. Well was, until I walked away. Its sad to tell people I dont have anything to do with my own flesh and blood, but unfortunately in this life time, I was given these people to stand all over me :(
DarkHeartLove DarkHeartLove
26-30, F
2 Responses Jul 11, 2012

I am so sorry -- but you must have great strength and courage to get through all that and raise your children as well. And, you have recognized what was going and gotten away from it. Good job! Yes, it is sad to have to be alienated from your blood relatives, but it is better to create your own family and surround yourself with folks who actually care about you.

I know... It's sad knowing that your family will never be... I'm alone too, can't talk to my family, my friends alienated me because I left my family... my life is lonely and retarted LOL but I still laugh at it cause what else am I gonna do... If you need someone to talk to let me know...