I Am My Families Scapegoat.
I'm not exactly sure when it started but i have been the designated scapegoat in my family for at least 20 years. Do ALL families have scapegoats? Or is it just the millions of dysfunctional families that have this dynamic.
It can be difficult at times when you realize no matter what you do, in the end something that happens becomes my fault. Gee did i drive my father to alcoholism? Did I ask him and my brother to abuse me? Did i say *Mom, even though you first stated you knew they were capable of that* did i turn my back on my very own child?
Is it HORRIFIC of me NOT to want to visit weekly? Is it my fault that my kids are bored to death when they are dragged their to visit their grandparents? I have NEVER spoken a word to my children about how you treat me, but guess what Mother and Father and my 4 siblings, 2 nieces and 1 nephew, they had front row seats the last time we were their and you treated me like dirt IN FRONT of them!
Did i physically beat MYSELF up at the age of three, so badly that you took me to a neighbors to take pictures IF you decided you might leave the man? Did i suffocate the family dog in a green garbage bag than tell everyone that i over-dosed him with medication in his ice-cream?
WOW i guess since i did (NOT) do any of the above, than it makes perfect sense that i would be the scapegoat.
NOW here are some things that i did do; yes i confronted my abusers and yes they admitted it, sorry Mother i guess i somehow provoked them into physically and sexually abusing me.
Did i stand by your side Mother when you dragged your own sister to court before your mother even died over her will? Yes i guess i was supportive, shame on me!!
Was i Everyone's problem solver for YEARS, sorry Mother,, did that upset you that they came to me instead of you?
Was i forced to check on father when he was in a drunken rage, to see if i could calm him down. Yes mom, sorry but you did insist on it.
Was i told to lie to my teachers and say that i didn't get my essay done when the fact was that father had thrown it in the fire, WHAT an offense you made me do at the age of 13, i guess i must be punished.
So. I know ALL the family's DIRTY secrets and YES i chose to speak about the elephant in the room. Well i suppose that is why i became the scapegoat. Well I'm gone now, so all of you can continue to **** on me and not fear i will bring up the truth.
In the end Mother, you forced your daughter to be the parent of the family and for that reason alone i will always be the scapegoat, well who will you blame now? will you ever accept ANY responsibility that all five of your children have psychiatric labels and medications to go with them? OR is that my fault too!!