Feeling Crazy; Family Won't Believe Me
I will keep this short because I've just been through a lot of painful email exchanges with my family. There is no doubt that I was the family scapegoat. I am male, have three sisters (princess/hero, lost child, and star/mascot) to generalize (although we all fit them to a T).
We're not a nuclear family anymore; we all live apart. But more and more lately, when I'm with them, something will happen--someone, my Mom or sister, will say something to me they'd NEVER say to anyone else had they committed the same "infraction." I guess I can't take it anymore, I react--explode with anger, tears, etc.--and then all that happens is I'm confirmed as the "troubled one" or some other negative designation--and on top of that, i'm called out for exploding with anger, etc.
They will not hear me when I suggest the whole scapegoat thing. they think that's long in the past and that we've all moved on. i feel so sad, so angry, and so crazy. sounds crazy, but we really are all close and love each other. i know they'll listen to me eventually, but i've let each incident die down after a while. but it's gettin worse and worse, and they're all thinking that it's because i'm taking drugs, or having financial problems, or any number of things that aren't true, but that are easy to infer or assign to me.
This kind of anguish is not new to me, but identifying with /as the scapegoat is, and it's scaring and saddening me. is it really as big a deal as it seems? is it real? i've never been so sure, unsure, and confused about anything before!