Love Is A Battlefield

hello ladies....well heres my update....i hate life! so chris is home on R&R and it has been nothing but crazy *** fights the whole week....well now the only way we know how to fix it is to take a break....we are not seeing other ppl we arent talking everyday [[actually we havent talked since he left yesterday]] and we wont be seeing eachother for a few days....he went to his mothers house.

idk this whole thing is strange for me, we went from lets get married to we need to take a break or we wont make it....
this whole deployment has taken a huge toll on chris...he had been there 9 months b4 comming home for R&R and now cant/wont settle in knowing he leaves soon to go back....hes deffinately not the same person right now, he is still in deployment mode and its tearing us apart bc i want to be close and he doesnt. and we still have 3 more months of this....the upide to this is he genuinely still wants to stay togehter and looked absolutely crushed when i told him i love him, as he was leaving for his moms. he said he felt like an ******* and i deserved to hate him. I DO NOT HATE HIM! i simple love this man, and this is deff the hardest part of this deployment so far. He is literally 15 min from my house and i cant talk to him or see him or be near him.....i know in my heart this needs to be done so he can get his head strait and figure out his thoughts. this war, has and is taking a toll on my relationship...and i never thought anything could rock us.

so now im at my house, where he had stayed for a week and everything is him. it kills but the best way i know how to deal with this is that i pretend hes deployed. i pretend that he isnt here so the hurt is less. he does wanna see me a few times b4 he leaves back to afghan he wants us to slowly ease outta this and figure out where we are. i am glad for that. i am glad that when he left he looked and felt sad, not bc i want him to feel that but bc it means he cares, he loves me and hes trying.

now i cant imagine what he will be like when he comes home for good, i cant. but i hope thru this he and i both learn how to communicate again and how to juggle depoyment and home life. i hope this makes us stronger, i hope this makes things better....hes asking for space and im giving him that.
CnC2509 CnC2509
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 16, 2010

Thanks girls :) idk its been so rough and all I want is for it to be better. I'm so angry at him and I hate feeling like this. I feel like I'm being played with right now bc he doesn't know what he wants. And so I'm taking it day by day.....I'm just sooooooo emotionally exhausted. I'm tired I'm lonely and I'm wanting to just scream! <br />
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Thanks for telling me you believe in us and that you think we will make it

Oh my God Caitlin!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We really need to talk soon. I'm really sorry to hear this, but you're handling it VERY VERY well... WOW you are such an amazing, strong person. I'm with you, I think this will be good for you guys.. Take it slow, day by day. I agree, I have complete faith in you two. I love you, and if you two can make it through 9 months of Afghan you can make it through anything!! Keep your head up, I'm just a phone call away.

cait i'm so sorry to hear this. i hate knowing that he isn't the same right now, and i hate that you still have to go through this 3 months down the road. i have faith in yall. a lot of emotions and things are going on right now, and i'm 100% sure that things will work out for the best. stay strong, sweet girl.