Boyfriend In Bootcamp...worried About His Ex

Ok ladies I need some help on this one. We have been together 9 months in august, and he has deliberatly taken things very slow with me because before me he dated a girl who really is better defined as a sucubus. She is horribly mean and gave him depression, literally. Now he says I am the only person who could pull him out of that. And just before he left, he said he loves me for the first time : ) which trust me, with him was a HUGE deal. We were together all the time before he was gone and his family absolutly adores me, they even gave me a job as a nanny for his siblings just to make sure I stick around (it was my boyfriends idea). And they would never in a million years ask gabi (evil sucubus) to do that. Gabi has been after me ever since he and I got together. I know that they talk and it generally doesnt bother me because I know how he feels about me and I know he wouldnt ever cheat. But the day he left she posted "love you baby miss u I can't wait to see you when you get back!" I lost it. But of course he wasnt there to comfort me, he was already out the door and at the hotel. I had to wait for him to call me that night. He actually did confess that he tells her he loves her everyonce in a while, but he means it in a friendly way, and as soon as he realized he loves me he stopped. For the most part, this coming from a guy would mean automatic break up. I refuse to be second best to a girl like her. BUT then his mom walked in (I stay at their house most nights) and realized what had happened and explained to me a few things. She and her son are very close, she says he cares for me more then I realize. That honestly he just says those things to Gabi to appease her and keep the crazy away, he complains about her all the time and they have had the "just friends" talk mulitpule times, the most recently being the wednesday before he left. She says she sees eli and I are really best friends too which is something she never saw with gabi. And that eli speaks of me highly all the time. So basically my question is, do I write him a letter asking him to help me be strong about this and explain how the gabi thing makes me feel? Or because he is already going through so much leave it alone and hope graduating bootcamp will make him grow up about her?
blairrae blairrae
2 Responses Jul 21, 2010

Thanks everyone...I know that this sounds like I am making excuses for him. I am not. I know its wrong and he does too. Its just killing me that I have to wait 3 months to have a real conversation about it. He does have her address and he told me that he is going to write her once. Which kills me. I have zero doubt in his feelings for me. I just have doubts about his feelings for her. I know he loves me more, but I dont know what he really feels about her. What if I just put in one sentence, nothing accusatory, just letting him know he needs to help me be strong about this. I am really struggling with it ladies. I love him and we dont know what we'd do without eachother. But still i refuse to be with someone who tells someone else he loves them.

I agree with both the girls ^^ because it is not at all ok to say that to an ex they are an ex for a reason and if they still "love" each other something is wrong. Whatever you do though no matter how much you want to talk to him about it.. DONT.... It is not going to make anything better. Treys sister tried to stir the pot with my right after he left for boot and i more than anything wanted to tell him so he wouldnt write her and he wouldnt want anything to do with her. but i never did if anything comes up when he gets home from boot in 22 days dont you think i dont have ever message saved she sent me and everything she said to me written down so my back is covered. So just dont ever worry about her. If she doesnt have his address or he doesnt have hers it will be fine. You are clearly the one he wants or he wouldnt have stayed with you when he left. Hang in there if you need anything feel free to message me. <br />
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