Welp This Is My Goodbye

sooo long story short chris and i broke up, the strain of this deployment mixed with all the other stresses hes dealing with has made him lash out at me and call our relationship as done. he still wants to be friends and so do i....he asked me to be at the parade deck when he comes home bc he WANTS me there [[that was a big thing for him to ask]] ill be holding his stuff he comes home....i knwo this man still loves me he, its apparent, he did do the punk ***** thing and call me to break up with me but he did apologize for not having the balls to do it to my face, he said it would have just hurt 10X more than what it already did....

i know this war has taken a toll on his psychy, and he has a lot on his plate. between trying to renlist and lat move to a different MOS to not knowing where he will be based at and then his mom is sick and theres us on top of that, its just too much and im the one thing he can cut out right now. it hurts more than anything ive ever felt and i cant make it stop but what i can do is focus on school he leaves friday so enjoy hanging out with him and learn to try and be friends....everyone feels that we will work it out and that this will get better and he will see he wants to be with me and misses me. and i hope he does but nothing can be figured out til hes back for good and thats 3 months away. so im still gunna write and as will he and check in and see whats going with eachothers lives. and ill be at homecomming and well see where we are....he needs to figure out his head without me. and i understand....

sooo ladies i wish you all the best of luck with your men, ill pop in from time to time.

<3 caitlin


ps. id like to say to everyyyyone who told me when they go to war they dont change **** YOUUUU, bc i know im right otherwise chris wouldnt be acting as he is. he wouldnt be miserable, he wouldnt be so messed up....


much love ladies!
CnC2509 CnC2509
18-21, F
8 Responses Jul 21, 2010

Caitlin. . . I'm really sorry. You'll definitely be ok, it just takes time. Now do something for you! I think you should do something along the lines of what my bestfriend did... She joined the National guard, before she left she did drill 2 weekends out of each month, she went to basic, got promoted in basic due to her drill, went to AIT, became a soldier medic!!!! Her schooling is all paid for, she's in for 6 more years, going to Afghan this winter to give checkups to kids and women, and will someday be a great great great rich doctor. I think the military could be a GREAT thing for you. . . Whether it be Navy or whatever! Whatever you end up doing, live it to the fullest! You have SO many opportunities ahead of you. Stay strong, please call me sometime! I love you so much, and you're still one of my best friends!

LYMTLI (Love you more than life itself) and you will be ok babycakes. I know that and the people who love you know that, even if you don't yet. It is going to hurt, but it WILL get better with time. Love ya girlie!

ok call me!!! I'm home finally! so sorry about dumb work chick!

thanks everyone!!! im doing good hahaa today we gave eachother all our **** back....all the way down to his dogtag i wore and my senior picture thats seen iraq and afghan....bahaha im hurt but what can you do...it felt planned out anyways...im not trippin, if its ment to be we will find eachother again, if not his loss bc i was am amazing gf. leah...you gotta text me!!! haha or call boy do i got a lot to telll youuuuu! hes outrageous!<br />
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anyways, next month im getting to see my older brother after like 11 years now, and im more than likely moving or joining the navy....hahaha life is full of possibilities and im gunna grieve over this let it run its course and see where i end up :)

I agree with Cait, they change. Whether they want to or not, the war changes them. I am so sorry Cait!! I'm here anytime girl

Caitlin, I am so sorry to hear this. I feel for you and him. I know personally that war does change people I have seen the same thing with my sister and her ex fiance. and it is really sad, because she just like you was the one thing that kept him going.. until one day it wasnt the case anymore. Hang in there though. Like you said use this time to focus on school and now more than ever stay strong. I wish you the best and i hope that you will be ok. If you need anything or just someone to talk to message me. Good luck with everything and i hope he realizes that he misses you and doesnt want this. <br />
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Aly

I'm so sorry Caitlin. You two have definitely been through a lot. And maybe you two will figure it out but I do think that its good that you're still going to be there for him to talk to and to welcome him home.<br />
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And anyone that told you war doesn't change them obviously hasn't had to deal with a deployment.

Everyone changes, that inevitable im sure the deployment made him change faster then normal considering all that he is seeing and doing, but ppl can choose to stay together thru all this, and if he is not wanting to do that till he is back if that...i mean, idk if that will matter. yea you guys can work on things alot more being together but what is being broke up now going to do????....If he wanted to work on things i would think he should stick it out with your and not give up like that...