Rape- Help!

HI everyone!

Ive been following this group for a while- I'm sure you all know how much it helps meeting other people who are going thought the same thing as you!! everybody has been so supportive and help full so i thought it'd be the best place to get advice on this,,,

My fiance is a marine and at the moment he is deployed in Afghanistan. Ive been struggling with this deployment, its my first one with him, but Ive been making it through... We've been getting into the groove of things and made our time difference and lack of communication work for us, if that is at all possible. Basically we've learned how to 'deal' with each other is that's the right word... Things were finally o.k and then....

Ive been studying to become a nurse and was helping out at our local hospital. As i was getting into my car, three men came up to me and one of them hit me over the head with a pole- he knocked me out. The next thing i remember was waking up with a man on top of me raping me. I had no idea where he was. He kept on telling me that when he and his friends were done with me he was going to kill me. I was terrified. They heard something outside and went to check it out. while they were away, i managed to get up, find my car outside the house and drive. I was lucky to get away. I don't think they were joking about killing me. He even explained how he was planning on doing it.

This happened 3 days ago. i feel numb. i want my baby with me. I need his arms around me. he is on a mission for about another week so i haven't had the chance to tell him. but I'm scared. i don't think hell be angry at me its just... i don't know how he will react and i don't want to worry him and take his mind off of what he needs to be doing- getting himself back to me alive. I'm scared... i just want him to be OK. to be safe. i don't want to jeopardize his safety.hes got so much to worry about i don't want to add to it all...

I was thinking that maybe i should tell him when he comes home for R&R in 2.5 months. but i don't want to keep it from him either. i just want him to be OK. so i just would like you guys to tell me what you think i should do. have you ever spoken about it to your man? what would he want you to do? What do you think he'd want you to do? Please help me!

its not that i don't want to tell him! i don't know if i can get through this with out him. i need him. he always makes me smile and makes things feel better. i love him. hes the first person i wanted when it happened.

I'm just scared.

Ashley
ashley20105 ashley20105
22-25, F
6 Responses Jul 22, 2010

HI girls!! <br />
firstly i just want to tell you how much i really appreciate your comments!! for especially oowhitecloudoo for actually phoning him!!<br />
After reading all your guys comments i decided to tell him as soon as he was back from his mission. what you girls said makes sense you know. i dont know what i was thinking to not tell him until he was home.<br />
Its been a tough few days, its really been horrible and then out of no where i get a ohone call with a number i didnt recognise.my heart stoppes!!<br />
IT WAS HIM! i couldnt believe it!!! the first thing i asked was if there was something wrong because he was suppoosed to be on a mission for another couple days.and girls, this brought me to absolute tears! he said that he just had this feeling that something was up. It was bugging him so he managed to make a plan (i think they stopped briefly at another base or sometihng) and he called to check up one me. BY that stage i was in a tears. partly because of everything thats been happening and secondly because ive got him. im so lucky. For him to manage to get hold of me in the middle of no where because he had a bad feeling.<br />
I told him ( i sensored it a little)what happened and he mostly kept quite while i poured my heart out other than all the i love yous he threw inbetween my pauses.<br />
obviously hes upset. his voice got a little shaky but he said all the right things. i love him so much,<br />
One of the things that i was upset that i actually didnt mean to tell him was that i was devistated that those mentook my virginity andnot him. he was so sweet and said that we wouldnt count it. that him and me will be special. i am a bit nervous though, after everything.<br />
I feel so much better now. like i can start to heal. i also made the dicision that i wasnt going to let tose men take what is left from me. im not going to let them win. im going to carry on with my life. pick myself up and focus on the good things like my marine. itll still be hard though but i REFUSE to let them win!<br />
I just want to say THANK YOU! again!! it means a lot!!! <br />
ash<br />
xoxo

Holy ****. did you notify the police?? That would have been the first thing I would have done, the second thing I would have done would be to write both a letter, and a facebook message to my fiance'... a very descriptive one, and then I would tell him to call me ASAP because I needed to talk to him about it. He can't be mad at you for getting raped... It's those 3 disgusting freaks he should be mad at.

Hey girl I'm really sorry to hear about this. You're in my thoughts and I'm praying for you. So I just tried to put myself in your shoes and imagine what in the world I would tell my marine and what he would say back...it didn't work so I actually just called him to ask and he spoke on behalf of deployed men. This is our conversation. (I tried to imagine what my worries would be about telling him)<br />
me: hypothetical situation. If you were deployed again and I was raped while you were gone would you want me tell you immediately or later when you get home?<br />
him: yeah, I'd definitely want you to tell me while I was gone.<br />
me: okay but what about what you would need? wouldnt you be worrying about it and then what about your safety? Wouldn't it be safer for me to wait?<br />
him: No. It would tear my world up to find out after you had already gone through that and then the healing knowing that I wasn't apart of it...<br />
me: Wouldn't you feel a little helpless though? I wouldn't want to make you feel bad at all.<br />
him: Well after it would happen there would be nothing I can do to stop it from happening. So I'd want to help you get through it (as much as i can). We're kind of a team, you know? I would just hate to think I wasn't there for you when you needed me....<br />
<br />
So I think you really should tell him. Let him be apart of it with you. he is the person you need and I think you can at least begin to try to feel better once he knows and you can talk about it with him.<br />
<br />
we are all here for you. let me know if you want me to ask anything else to get a deployed marine's perspective.<br />
<br />
love, <br />
emily.

Hey girl, I am so sorry that you are going through this I cant even imagain how hard it is. But the other girls are right you have to tell him. He wil be angry yes. But he needs to know if i didnt tell my b/f he would be really upset with me for not telling him. I know it is our instinct to protect them and comfort them why they are over there but right now you need the comforting. and even though there is nothing that he can do about it but listen at least he will know. You also need to go to the police if you havent you could stop them from doing it to someone else. That is just terrible that someone would do that. I am really sorry if you ever need anything please message me I will do all i can to help you. <br />
<br />
Aly

im with the other girls. tell your man. he loves you. and he would want to know. i know that zack would be mad at me for not telling him and worrying about him and not myself in that case. i understand that you want to make it ok for him but you need to makes sure that you are ok first. i am so sorry this has happened to you. my mom was raped as a teenager and i know how hard it was for her because she couldnt really talk about it to anyone and that has scared her. if you ever need to talk i am a really good listener.

Oh my god, I am so happy that you are alright. I am so sorry that this happened to you people are so disgusting in this world. As far as telling him, I know if this happened to me my husband would want me to tell him right away no matter where he was. Also it might help you emotionally if you can talk to him about it. I know my husband would kind of be confused if I didn't tell him right away and wish that I had. We have to be strong when there away and censor certain things but I really don't think this is one of them. He needs you to get him through deployment and now you need him to get you through this even if its a million miles away with limited communication. hope this helps a little. and PLEASE stay safe.