A Few Fun Things:

jason and I decided to have a long engagement..
now I'm trying to figure out when he's going to propose!!

also he wants me to buy a gun. do any of your men want you to do that!? I was telling him about one of my very irresponsible girlfriends whose taking her concealed weapons permit test so she can get a hand gun and how ridiculous I thought that was when he says "why el, I think you need a gun." i say "absolutely not jason. no." he says "well whats going to happen then when someone breaks into our house while I'm on deployment and tries to hurt you and Logan." I said "whose Logan anyway?" he says "our hypothetical child."
hahaha:)
elupchurch elupchurch
22-25, F
10 Responses Jul 26, 2010

The first thing Jason warned me about for his deployment, he says "el, I'm going to tell you right now, You will get a phone call at least once saying "I love you, you are my whole world, I need you to know and believe that. I'm going on a mission. I cant tell you where, why or for how long but I will call or email you as soon as I get back." so that scares the hell out of me. I dont know how you are dealing with that AND your pregnant. my goodness. I want to cry just thinking about it. I just try to always think positive, when you think and believe in positive things, the outcome is also positive! I just try to remember that:)<br />
<br />
Jason was telling me last night he says with his super heavy New York accent, "So I talked to ma today. She's always asking "So how're you and elllllllllllllllllllll?" and I always tell her 'we're fine Ma.' and the she replies ''well thats good, I just thought she would be too hyper for you.'' ' which got under my skin a lot, i told him "You know Jace, I know your mother loves me and I love her too, I just think she doesnt think we're a good match." he says "thats not true at all, you're just not the typical girl that I would have as my girl thats all. I think she's just surprised." this rubbed me the wrong way even more. I dont know, maybe Im being sensitive, It is afterall my time of the month..so I just didnt say anything. As a matter of fact I just clammed up all together. It pissed me off so much! I dont really even know why. I still dont know why and it still just hurts my feelings. I dont know maybe I'm just 'being a girl' as Jason would say. I do know that his mother thinks I am too young for him and obviously too ''hyper''. number one, I am in my early twenties and he is in his late twenties that is not a decade of a difference, i dont see how that is such a big deal. number two, he's been freaking married TWICE. so obviously the ''typical girls that he would take hom to Ma" are not working out. number three, I am not "HYPER" I am slightly energetic and get excited about things that i love, what the hell is wrong with that anyway!? He is the calmest most level headed person that I know. He is very opposite from me and he evens me out, he says the same for me. I just dont GET IT.<br />
maybe I'm more upset than I thought. I dont know. Sorry I'm ranting now.<br />
<br />
THEN, last night we're talking a little while after this whole mom convo started and we're talking about living in VA together and blah blah blah, how he gets up at 3am and everything. I tell him well you know I told you I'd make you your lunch so I'll just get up with you while youre in the shower I'll make your lunch and then just go back to sleep. he says "well thats sweet babes but I would never ask you to do that. i say well i know that but I feel like thats what i signed up for babe, I want to do those things for you. he says yeah, you'll do that the first year and then you wont want to anymore haha. this got me heated. he always says those things to me. In a way I know it's like he is comparing me to his past relationships without actually doing it. I've said things like that a lot and he always gives me the whole 'yeah until you get sick of me' or 'yeah until you decide you dont want to anymore' or whatever.. so i got quiet after he said that and he noticed and says 'what babes?' i said "nothing Jason, I'm done defending myself to you, you always shoot down whatever I say I am going to do for you. I say I'm going to do these things because I want to and I mean it and since you dont believe my words I can only show you through actions."<br />
<br />
so I think that got through to him and we didnt talk anymore about that. We got off the phone a few minutes later and he sends me this text:<br />
"I love you so much el. I will try harder to not be negative. You have already been the best woman to me i have ever known and I do not have the right to doubt you and the way you make me feel i shouldn't be doing it anyway. I apologize, I know that you will get up every morning that you can with me and I dont want you getting up when we have a baby, I want to be able to kiss you two and tell you that i love you every day before i leave while you two are sleeping. I have faith in you honey, I really do. I love you so much."<br />
<br />
so, he knows that he upset me. And tried to make it right which is all anyone could ask for. I love him and he is wonderful, I do just wish he had a little more faith.<br />
<br />
As for his birthday present, Im going to find a few more things to put into his carepackage that are just from me, along with his DVDs from his mom, becc and I. <br />
I must admit i do think it's a little lame that his mom didn't try. And I agree, it seems a little lazy. I know she loves him more than anything in the world, I know that she would kill for him and everything but she's kind of riding my coat tails right now. She's telling me that I'm buying him too much stuff and all that. I do spoil Jason but I feel its completely deserved. He is the love of my life and I am going to keep doing it. He's never been spoiled before and I want to be the one doing it!<br />
His mother does like me and we get along great, we talk everyday and she wants me to visit her regularly while Jason is on deployment, I love her and think shes wonderful. She is a hypocondriac though. Everything that could possibly be wrong with her health she has. For instance, this morning she's having surgery on her neck, why? I have no idea. She just has lots of surgeries, Jason says he rolls his eyes at her all the time. Thinks she makes it up and everything.<br />
<br />
NOW. The Nook. Jason loves it, he even named it. He takes it everywhere with him, he uses it in the field, at home and says he will on his deployment. He's uploaded tons of pictures from his computer onto it, he's got something like 15 new books uploaded to it now. He tells me all the time "thank you thank you thank you for my Nook el, I love it so much. Its the best present I've ever gotten!!" which makes me so happy that I bought it and went ahead and got it for him. They have all kinds of sweet accessories for it and everything (he of course has bought them all.) I think you should totally get it for Ray. I think he'd love it just like Jason does and I think he'd get a ton of use out of it. I went to barnes and noble and told the guy, listen I want the best electric book reader that you have, with the best reviews, that will get the most use everywhere in the world. he says to me "well then, you're goign to want the Nook. All ofthe glitches have been worked out of it. It has WiFi and 3g (which means that anywhere in the world that has cell phone reception he can get on the internet and download books to his nook which is great for deployments)." So I got him the best Nook that they had, the 3g WiFi with lots of memory space. It was only about 215 dollars and was worth every penny because he's so in love with it. I think it was the best purchase I have ever made. Jason tells all of his Marines "MYYYYYYYYYYY girlfriend went into barnes and noble and said "I want the best nook you have, only the best for my baby." (which isnt esactly right but I'll just let him say it haha) so anyway, yes, yes, yes, get him that.<br />
<br />
did i tell you that Jace and I are spending Christmas at his mothers if he gets leave? I'm a little nervous about that.<br />
<br />
-My letters were wonderful and sweet. They talked all about babies and marriage. How he wants to meet my family and ask my dad for his permission to marry me and talk to my whole family and tell them his intentions. I think it's adorible. He is WONDERFUL. I am so lucky:)<br />
<br />
My weekends are never anything special. I work all day friday, sat and sun. I work in a bar, the same bar Ive been at for three years and I hate it. I make a lot of money though which is why Ive stayed for so long. Jason all of the sudden decided yesterday that he doesnt like me working there anymore. He says "El I dont want you working there anymore." -this is the only time I have ever felt like he was barking orders at me and I kind of thought it was cute, he's being protective. He just sounded so final when he said it, like, okay el so quit now because I jsut told you i dont want you to work there anymore. I'm not really sure what I am supposed to do about that exactly, I need that job until I get my big girl job and even then Im not sure Id completely quit because I want to save as much money as I can.<br />
<br />
idk if you have a facebook but if you do you can add me: www.facebook.com/bettieohbettie<br />
and or email: elupchurch@yahoo.com

I talked to him for probably 2 hours on the phone last night, he knows me so well, he pays me so much attention it is ridiculous! He notices things about me that I dont even know that Im doing. but i love it of course:) When I go see him in California in September we're going to Sea World, I've never been to Sea World or seen anything like Sea World before so I am toooooooooo excited (and I especially like hearing Jason do impressions of the sea lions, that is tooooo funny).<br />
<br />
I DID GET MY LETTERS!!!!!!!!! he wrote a 4 page letter on dirty paper while he was out in the field and then typed me a second letter while he was on watch a few nights later. They are so sweet. My face hurt from smiling so much, in one part he says "..I know things wont always be creamed corn and potato salad (i like those things better than peaches and cream).." and THAT made me laugh so hard, he is retarded. absolutely freaking hilarious.<br />
<br />
Sooo...let me tell you what happened yesterday. I bought Jason all 5 seasons of Rescue Me on DVD for his 26th birthday which is coming up, I origionally bought him the Nook for his birthday but was way too excited about him having it and went ahead and sent it to him early. Which I do not regret at all bc he LOVES it. He was so surprised and uses it every single day, especially because he's been out in the field a lot so he's been using it there. But anyway, his mom has been telling me the last few weeks "I just dont know what to get Jason for his birthday, I dont know what to buy someone that buys everythnig he wants for himself anyway.." blah blah blah so I start feeling badly bc technically i have already gotten Jace two birthday presents and she cant even figure out one so I just say "Well you and Becc and put your names on my present along with mine if you want to." I didnt think she'd say yes. Well she did. I've been teasing Jason about his birthday present for a little while now, he cant stand the anticipation of surprises AT ALL so i like to tease him. Since he already knew i got him something from Best Buy, I didnt want him to get his present on his birthday and be like "why does this say from my mom and becc and you?" so when I talked to him the first time yesterday on the way to work I told him i said "So babe I wanted to give you a heads up and let you know that your mom becc and I decided to get you a present together for your birthday." he got quiet for a few seconds and then said "So my mom is putting her name on your birthday present for me?" i say "I did not say that." then he says "damn I'm good." then we had to get off of the phone bc I was at work, he text me later telling me that that really bothered him, that his mother is the "queen of guilt trips" and that he couldnt believe shed take advantage of me like that. I told him not to freak out, it was my idea blah blah blah. He's still pissed.<br />
whatever.<br />
<br />
what do you think about that?

Tri Care is AWESOME! I feel like we will cross that bridge when we get to it. Jason said something to me that scared me the other day. He says "El what happens if I can't get you pregnant?" and it really startled me because the only thing I've ever really known and wanted was to be a mom. I said "Well, we could always adopt but why do you say that?" he says "Well both of my exwives never got pregnant. My second wife said she had a miscarriage but it was while we were going through our divorce so I dont know if I believe that. And both of them immediately got pregnant by the first guy they were with after me. I'm just not too confident in my swimmers." So I say "Well Jace a lot of things have to be PERFECT to procreate it's not as easy as everyone thinks to get pregnant. And if you're really worried you can get your ***** tested and the doctor will tell you whats going on." then he says "Well, I'm going to keep a positive head and think that I just wasnt with the one I was meant to have babies with which is why it didnt happen. Watch, I bet we'll get pregnant on our first try!"<br />
<br />
Number one, Jason is NOT a positive thinker so I see right through this, he is legitimately worried, possibly even freaking out inside of his head. Number two, I found this conversation a little heartbreaking (and I can NOT tell him that bc then he'd feel awful). I've been needing to tell someone about this since it happened and it's nice to finally get it out. There is nothing I want more than to be a mom and bare a child of his! I dont want anyone elses babies, I want he and I to create something that is one half mine and one half his. This just kills me.<br />
<br />
Anyway new subject.<br />
I initially went to school for Elem. Education, to be a music teacher but I was married, pregnant at the time AND working full time, so I couldn't handle it. My mother's friend who ownes a huuuuge salon down town said to me one day that I would be really great with hair becaus of my personality and blah blah blah, so I went back to school for hair and makeup. Nothing really exciting but I think it's the right job for me and it's something I pick up and take with me wherever the military takes Jason and I.<br />
<br />
I am staying home again waiting on my letters, they really just HAVE to be here today. Its effing Thursday and he mailed them on Sunday so I know they have to be here today. They have to.<br />
<br />
Jason has all of these leave days saved up bc he never takes leave so he told me he wants me to stay in California for 7 days instead of 4 which is awesome! I am toooooo excited. <br />
This may be oversharing but I am totally nervous that I am going to be on my period and that will mess everything up.<br />
GRRRRRRRRREAT. haha<br />
<br />
Jason tells me all the time that I am the only one able to calm him down, he's always saying that I make him feel like a real person instead of some crazy angry man. I worry about him sometimes because he really thinks that bc he is a sniper and some of the things he's done in Fallujah has made him a bad person. It breaks my heart. I just want to tell him no, no it absolutely doesnt make you a bad person. but he wont hear it.<br />
<br />
I cant really believe it but I am really excited to get engaged. Initially I was a little freaked out but now its all I can think about and honestly now that Im a little more excited about it, marriage seems less scarey to me bc I know Jason, I know he'll be good to me, I know he's the one. blah blah blah. But I'm still not ready yet!:)

and also is a long engagement 6 months?<br />
I was thinking like TWO YEARS hahaha:)

Jason is probably the manliest man that I have ever encountered hahaha:) Hes 8 inches taller than me and has small feet (which does not mean he has a small....but anyway) hahahaha, He is absolutely covered from chest to ankles in tattoos, he's jack diesel! Sometimes he gets on that testosterone kick and I have to bring him down and remind him I weigh 107lbs and am a girl and am NOT one of his marines. <br />
<br />
So he is all of those things and I am 5'1" very artsey, carefree and very lively. He never raises his voice, even when he's really excited about things, he doesn't smile a whole lot but when he does, ohhhhhhh man:) it will take your breath away (and his d amn teeth are perfect!). I think the main thing that we have in common is that we're both really funny and we don't drink, although when he comes home and is around his family and friends they always try to get him trashed so in a sense he does drink. <br />
<br />
I am so ready to be pregnant! I was thinking that by chance, if we do get pregnant (and yeah, we say "we" get pregnant not "i" get pregnant) and he's deployed I am going to make a video journal of everyday and a scrap book of the whole journey. And when I find out the sex I was thinking of sending him a package with just baby clothes in it, like a pretty pink onesy if it's a girl or some baby cammies if its a boy.<br />
<br />
Im telling you I am so ridiculous right now, I have class this morning at 830 and I stayed home because I think I am going to get his letters in the mail this morning! :) so lets hope I didnt miss class for nothing. I've only got two weeks left until I graduate and can actually start my big girl life which i think is great.<br />
<br />
And nooooooooo, I wont be one of those women with the bumper stickers and all that crap. He would have a hissy fit anyway. <br />
I am however stealing his marine issue sweats because they are comfy and he doesnt wear them anywayyyyyyyyyy hahaha:)

SUH-WEEEEET website! haha:) totally awesome. <br />
<br />
Jason and I have both been married before so we are both really apprehensive about doing this again however we both are positive that we want to be together forever and have babies and all of that. I know we'll get hitched one day but I told him, we need to take things slow, lets work out all of our kinks before we do the d amn thing.<br />
We're trying for a baby before he is deployed in February, I get to see him so much because he has something like 100 days of leave that has accumulated over the years bc he never takes leave! <br />
<br />
You're right about the ring too, the more I think about wearing something from him the more I just want it on my finger, whatever it is, whatever it looks like!<br />
<br />
I just told him today infact that we're both really lucky to have found someone that we unconditionally love, it's pretty incredible and we are suuuuuch opposites!<br />
<br />
I dont know his reasoning but he's been on this testosterone kick the last week or so, talking about protecting me and Im not allowed to watch the news while he's on deployment and i need a gun and he'll beat people up wacka wacka wacka. It's a little funny but I know he's being serious :) <br />
It's sweet in his own manly way:)

:):)<br />
I'm going to see Jace in September and then again in October for the marine corps ball and then he's flying back to North Carolina so we can have christmas with our families. I told him i didn't want to get engaged until he met my family. I dont want them to think Im nuts and just marrying someone random because he is most definitely not random and is absolutely important and the love of my life!<br />
<br />
Logan..I like that name a lot but for a girl? I want slightly more unique names for our children but I suppose we'll cross that bridge when we get there!<br />
<br />
I know this is totally lame but were any of you afraid about getting an engagement ring that wasn't really you? I've got a pretty unique sense of style and I think Jason knows me well enough to know my likes and dislikes but I still get nervous! :/ i know thats ridiculous to worry about!<br />
<br />
Jason also said absolutely NO baseball bats! He said "thats too close, too close!!" he thinks that if i have a gun i can shoot them far enough away that they wouldnt even get a chance to hurt "Logan" or I. Buuuuuuuuuuuut I tried to explain to him that I am never going to shoot someone. not ever. I told him I was definitely more likely to stab someone hahaha wow. but true.

Jason has kind of mentioned how he'd feel safer if i just had one around the house and i have refused point blank so he's at this point just kind of waiting in hope!!

So i've grown up around guns and had guns around me my whole life and they still freak me out i see a gun and just freeze i have no idea why i still dont. AJ has been trying to get me to "get over it" by taking me to shooting ranges and my brother and AJ gave me a long "How to be safe around a gun" lecture and I'm still a baby when it comes to guns. AJ has mentioned in the past about him not happy about me not being safe while he's deployed and would be happier if i had some kind of weapon on me i told him that i would never ever get a gun and he's left it but i know he wants me to get one.<br />
<br />
AW little Logan that's so sweet and congrats on the long engagement enjoy it. Congrats girl!!! i dont think we've met my name is Storm and AJ is my boyfriend we both 26.

zack made me get on. well its his but ihave to keep it in the dresser next to the bed. i was totally against it but its not to bad. he even made me have shooting practice in the back yard lol<br />
aw thats so cute about "logan" haha super cute!