Some Funnies For You All

So since my conversation with AJ things are going really well. On Tuesday AJ and I have been going out for a year this year has so made up for the last year and a half of complete insanity lol. So I’ve been thinking a lot about presents because I probably won’t be able to see him because he is in like intense training at the moment and I hardly ever speak to him now! And with him deploying soon I thought about getting something he could take with him. I then had a brilliant idea I’m going to make like a pretzel and jump into his luggage lol it was just a thought.

So know I’ve posted funny hospital stories in the past and I thought I would do some more these didn’t happen all in the same day but in the same week so I’ll kindly oblige I think we all need a laugh:

Alright so a girl comes in with lower abdominal pain. During her exam I asked her if she was sexually active she said no but I gave her a pregnancy test anyway. When the test came back it was positive here is our exact conversation:
Me: The results for your pregnancy test came back positive. Are you sure you not sexually active?
Her: Sexually active? No I just lay there I promise!
Me: Do you know who the father is?
Her: No. who?
Me: well how many times did you just lay there for was it for just one person or were there others?
Her: oh a few I lost count could one of them be the father?
Me: yes I’m pretty sure of it!
Her: oh crap! How do you know that?

So a surfer dude gets admitted and he’s really hot and is like the talk of the hospital when one day my friends who is a nurse walks out his room and is blushing badly she says to me “I just made the biggest *** out myself in front of hot surfer dude!” So what happened was she was giving him a sponge bath but was trying her hardest to be professional about it especially because he was the talk of the hospital and the last thing she wanted was to be embarrassed or embarrass him. She needed to wash his back and normally she would say “roll over” instead she said “Move over.” He looked at her and smiled and said “Oh I’m not sure there’s enough room, but trust me, I will try!” she looked at him and said “Oh crap I did not just say that!” he laughed and said “Yup you did.” She made some excuse about the water being dirty and cold and escaped the room which is when we bumped into each other!

I was at the army hospital the other day when suddenly we get a call saying a gun shot wound is coming in. suddenly the doors burst open and about 20 guys come running in they all shouting “Its ok dude you here now everything will be alright just don’t fall a sleep!” the sergeant comes over to me and explains that they were at the shooting range when a bullet ricochet off the boundary wall and bounced off a shield and hit his man! He said “He’s a ******* hero man save his life!” I rushed over because with all the shouting and hang on for your lives and don’t go to light dude going around I thought it was bad. When I got to the guy I asked him where he was shot he said in the leg we rushed him to the OR and removed the bandage from his leg the guy had a flesh wound the bullet scrapped the back of the calf and he needed some stitches we stitch up his leg and I walked out to the waiting room the 20 guys had grown to about 40 when I explained he’d be alright it was just a flesh wound they all looked at me and were like are you sure so I reassured them again and said he’d probably only have a scar and they all started laughing we went back to the guy and they were like you ok man he was like yes it serves you ******** right for not hitting on target I hope you all learnt your lesson!

We got a call from the ER that said “We need a surgeon there’s a guy down here that was having sex with his girlfriend and she grabbed a rubber ball and stuck it in his ***. The ball is now lodged in his rectum and we cant get it out we’ve all tried!” we all looked at each other and started arguing over who would get this wonderful opportunity. This guy and I got the go and we left to see what we could do to help with my attending! We were on our way discussing why anybody would do that because its just completely insane when we arrived I walked into the door in front of my attending and the guy started having this coughing fit the ball came flying out of his butt with extreme speed and started ping ponging around the room just as my attending walked in the ball hit him right square on the forehead! He then looked at us all and said “So I see everything is sorted here and turned to leave.” In the elevator we both looked at him and burst out laughing he looked at us and smiled and said “one day something similar will happen to you and I will be right there laughing my head off I promise.”

Alright those are the funnies apparently with our crazy hours everyone else decided to be lunatics as well!!
Storm25 Storm25
26-30, F
1 Response Jul 28, 2010

Thanks for putting up the stories they made me laugh!!!!