Emotional Flips - Suck Eggs!!!So I’m having a bit of an emotional week. The families gone and I really miss them now I know it’s crazy I’ve been living in Hawaii and my family has been living in Boulder this has been my life for 6 years and it’s been fine it has but now of all the years I get home sick and not just home sick but mom sick I’m not kidding people I miss my mom badly and because when she was here and I had a hormonal flip she would be the one that would be like Sam it’s ok you ok it’s normal and now I’m having an emotional flip and its not the first time but its happened and I have no mom to say Sam frigging snap out of it or yes I knew that feeling very well.
So as far as my emotional flip it kind of goes like this I love Jason more than words could ever express there’s no doubt in my mind the boy has swept me off my feet ridden off into the sunset and there hasn’t been a day that I’ve looked back and thought that I could have done better than him in other words he’s my one my soul mate my best friend and the love of my love life. But now here is where the emotional flip comes in because I feel this way about him about us about our lives I hate him I hate that he let me fall in love with him I hate that he swept me off my feet I hate that I even met him and I especially hate the fact that he is my one my soul mate my best friend and the love of my life and I hate that he let feel this way for him that I’ve put all my hope and trust and understanding onto one person that I’ve built a life with him and that I have no regrets whatsoever! Its gets worse because then I hate myself for feeling all of this because it doesn’t make sense it really truly doesn’t because I cant hate Jason I know I cant because the minute I feel like that I hate myself more because of it so it’s like this vicious circle of hate and honestly I hate that too!
Now you’d think it would end there but it doesn’t I spoke to Jason I actually sat him down because I felt bad and did the we need to talk but I don’t want to fight move by sitting down next to putting my head on his shoulder that he knows so well and was like alright I’m listening so I told him I told him everything but I honestly couldn’t look at him in the eye or even at his face when I was finished he kept quiet and way too quiet and eventually when I got really uncomfortable in the silence I looked up at him and he was smiling and I’m like oh god he’s so pissed at me right now when he said Sam you making more sense than you’ll ever know you going insane because if anything I think you more scared and worried than anything else and if it makes you feel any better I’m scared and worried to he then hugged and told me everything would be alright. You’d think that would make me feel better WRONG because now to add to my hate list he’s now too understanding and the fact that he’s right and that I am scared and worried and he knew that without me saying a word about it makes me hate him more!!! Damit people I’m a complete and utter ***** I don’t HATE HIM I know this but everything about my emotional flip is telling me that I do and I don’t have my frigging mother to slap me over the head and remind why I’m being a frigging IDIOT!!! I need to be SLAPPED!!!!