I'm Torn..any Advice?

Hey ladies how is everyone?:)
Haven't posted a story in forever!!!

I'm 17 and a Junior in high school. I'll be 18 in July!! My boyfriend James is currently in Missouri for MOS training. We've been together for a little over a year and he's been gone for half of it. It's hard but I would say we're doing pretty good :).
Anywho... Here's what I need advice about. So when I graduate high school I want to go to college to be a nurse. It's what I wanted to do for as long as I can remember. I also want to be with James. We have always planned on getting married after I graduate. Young, I know but when you know, you know. We've been through a lot more than the average teenage couple and I hate being judged for wanting to marry young. Anyways I'm getting off track. So he's more than likely going to be stationed in California and I live in Oklahoma.. I really want to go to college wherever he gets stationed but we would have to get married as soon as I graduate and I would have to get moved out there as soon as possible so I could start school. Now here would be the down side to that.. It would probably be harder getting into a college out of state, it would probably be more expensive going in California, and there would be that chance that he could get deployed and I would be in a new place, new school without anyone I know. It would be terrifying being all alone. But the upside to things is that I could finally be with my marine. I can't wait to finally be with him and he would make moving away from all my family and friends worth it. It would so much easier to go to college here and get married later. But I don't really want to do it the easy way lol. I'm so torn.. I can't talk to my parents about it yet because it's still a while away and they would freak if they knew I was thinking about getting married already. But they were married at 18 and are still happily married so hopefully they won't be hypocrites.. It'll be hard leaving home but it'll all be worth it once I get a taste of actually getting to be with him. The few times that he has got to come home, my parents let him stay with us. They make him sleep in my brothers room but it was so nice having him here with me all the time. So we've kinda got a little glimpse of what it's like to live together. Should I take the easy way and stay home an go to school here but constantly be wish I was with James, OR take the risk of going to Cali and finally be happy and content with James? If anyone has been/is in this situation and if you have any advice I would appreciate all the help I can get lol..I know what I want but I'm not sure if it's the smartest choice.

Thanks for reading!!:)


lolobeachlady15 lolobeachlady15
18-21, F
11 Responses Feb 4, 2011

Yeah I told him we can't get married until after his first deployment. Making it through a deployment is a huge step and I know we should make it through one before we can marry.

Its really up to you guys. The advice I always give girls facing this choice is to wait until after their first deployment to get married. So much can change during/after a deployment.<br />
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Brian and I always do our best to make the 'adult' decision even when its not as fun and its not as easy. We started dating before he went to bootcamp and then he was stationed in CA and I was in PA. The distance was hard some days but Brian was amazing and always kept us strong. Before his second deployment we got married and remained on opposite sides of the country. I finished up my associates degree while he was gone and after he returned I had no reason not to go with him. For his last 6 months of the Marine Corps we lived in CA together. It was nice to be somewhere different and to finally be together but California was not for me!<br />
Now he;s been out of the Marines for 7 months, we've been married a year and a half and everything is going great. Waiting it out and overcoming the distance made our relationship strong and I'm confident we can get through anything together. <br />
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Good luck!

Thanks girls!! This helps a lot. It a great feeling knowing I'm not the only one that has had to make this tough decision.. I really need to break it to my parents sometime. I have no idea how they'll react. I know that they'll support me either way in the end. They absolutely love James and know he'll take good care of me. I want to go with him. It would be taking a risk but I know it would make both of us happy.

Go with him! Thats EXACTLY what my brother and his wife did. They got married as soon as he was home and she was out of school. They picked up and moved to California. I really do think that the military pays for part of the tuition and plus being a military dependent will get you a waiver.

i agree with jdek! i mean come one this is a once in a life time thing...enjoy life to the fullest especially with your marine, god forbid anything happen bt if u missed ur shot you'll regret it big time. its a big step going from one place u know everyone and everything to completely alienated. but its like moving skools u dont know anyone bt as time goes on u meet new ppl. its the start of YOUR life. exciting huh? lol and with the parents. just break it to them lil by lil as the time comes nearer. they do want you to be happy and im pretty sure they'll be a lil upset at first but its because their used to having u their with them and knowing exactly wat ur doing. all parents get alil upset when their children marry off bt once they understand u really do love him they'll be happy for u and ur decision knowing their brought u up well:) goodluck and hope i helped:)

Well here's my opinion. I say go with him. If it's what makes you happy, then do it! I'm going to school wherever my boyfriend (husband this summer) gets stationed because I'll be happy. Of course, less of a chance of him getting deployed because of his job, but still. You can get a waiver for instate tuition because you are a military dependent. Also, tell your parents. Give them time to think about what you said, and let it settle. In the end, all they want is for you to be happy!

I know it's smarter to stay home but I'll be so much happier when I'm finally able to be with him.. I have about a year to decide and he supports me either way which is great.

do your schooling. he'll be there for you when you're done, you have your whoooole life to be with him! and plus, what if he gets PCSed to ANOTHER duty station before you're done your school? do you want to deal with the transfers ad whatnot?

i say stay were you are for now and finish college before moving down there you can still marrying him but stay were are for now. i never had a boyfriend but my family and best friends all kind of lived in Hawaii while I was at med school and yes it was hard i was in Cambridge and everyone i knew and loved were freaking miles away but i'm glad i did it and only because i knew that the being away from them wouldnt be forever. if you move you honestly are going to have wait a year (at least) to start and it'll take longer to graduate and like you said you know no one and there isnt much support so stay study finish then move the fastest you do it the sooner you'll be there and you've got more support where you are now! i would also tell your parents you thinking about getting married.

While I was in Cali with my husband I looked into going to the community college and I would have gotten the in state costs because of my husbands job and I didnt have to live there for a year to get that either.

depending where you go in cali. you have to live in cali for a year to even go to school in that state for some schools. out of state fee and living i guess is the best way to put it but keep on truckin.