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I Am the Girlfriend, Fiance, Or Wife of a United States Marine

So Lost, Need Advice.

By: usmcgirl93
Written on August 7th, 2011
For anyone who read my first story, you know that my boyfriend and i have been together for 2.5 years. He just left for boot camp on the first of this month to MCRD San Diego, but as most do he started acting really distant the last few weeks he was here. We went through a really rough time about 2 weeks before it was time for him to leave, where he was pushing me away, being distant, only wanting to hang out with his friends, and not being himself. I ended up leaving town for a week to visit family and to just give him time to think and space, since i thought that was clearly what he needed. While i was gone he called me saying that he thought we would be better off as friends and told me that he really loves me but as a friend and that we should just both be single. Of course my first thought was that this was another effort for him to push me away because he was scared of leaving me but when i mentioned that he insisted that he only loved me as a friend and that we just be single. When i returned to town he texted me to see how i was doing and we ended up meeting up just to talk about things. When we met to talk he explained to me that he was scared of me meeting someone when i go to college (this fall) and felt guilty for putting me through such a hard relationship, and thats why he said what he said. I forgave him and told him that if it would be easier for him to go through boot camp single so that he wouldnt be so worried then i would respect that. However, after the conversation he kissed me and just wanted to be with me and conitnued acting like we were still together, I love him so i had no objection and plus by this time we only had one more week together and i just wanted to enjoy it and not discuss whether or not we were going to be together or what his worries were or what my worries were, i just wanted to enjoy him. For the rest of the week we basically conitnued on as if we were together (doing all the things that couples do) but we both knew that we were going to be "single" when he left for basic. It wasnt until the day that he left that i found out that he didnt tell any of his friends or family that we werent together anymore, and the day he was leaving i went with him to the recruiting station where i was introduced as his girlfriend. It threw me off because we never talked about getting back together, and it was his idea to go in to boot camp single in the first place. Now that he is gone, i wish we would have talked about everything. I love him, but I'm confused. I feel like he may have only been saying he wanted to be single so that he wouldnt have to worry about me breaking up with him during boot camp, but i dont know if he was only saying that to protect himself or to test me to see if i would wait for him or move on. I would have waited for him, and now i dont even know if i should. I dont know what to write or how to write him and i cant bring any of this up because i dont want to stress him out, i just want to be supportive. Im worried that if i dont write to him as his girlfriend then he will think that i gave up on him and am already moving on, but if i do write to him as a girlfriend and thats not what he truly wants then i am just waiting for no reason and i should just deal with the hard process of moving on and being there for him as a friend. All of my family tells me i should just move on and not wait for him since he told me that he wanted to be single, but i know that he loves me and was just going through a rough time. Now, im going through a rough time and i go back and forth between trying to support him as a friend and leaving my emotions out of the way to following my heart. I dont know what to do, and no one seems to understand. Any advice would be great.
By: usmcgirl93
Age: 18-21 , Female
596 people have read this story

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7 responses
  • tennisdork17
    tennisdork17

    Honestly? Does it really matter? Could you see yourself with another guy and be as happy as you are with him? Thats what i told sean-even if he went into boot camp single i wouldnt be with another guy because simply they cant make me as happy as sean can. If you can move on while he loves you and you love him then do so. But don't feel like you are forced to.

    Sean and i broke up 2 different times before he went to boot and now, 50 days into it, our relationship is as strong as ever. haha he has even told his platoon that i am his fiancee.

    Does it really matter if you have the title of 'girlfriend'? you love him, he loves you and that should be enough. its nothing you guys should worry about while he is in boot camp. actually (this may sound harsh so sorry) its insignificant compared to what he is going through.

    its like you said. support him either way no matter what your title is and his colors will show during boot camp. you will see that he loves you more than life itself. becasue he will learn not to take you for granted. just write your letters to him like you are talking and everything is normal. those letters no matter who they are from, remind him that noboy has forgotten about him.



    Overall girlie- dont worry about it! if it makes you happy then refer to him as your bf you can sort things out once he gets back and you are in his arms again. everything will work out so be happy!

    Aug 8, 2011
    1 like
    • usmcgirl93
      usmcgirl93

      This comment made me smile actually lol, youre so blunt but its all true. I love him so much and i know he loves me and thats all that matters. We have always been a support for eachother and thats not going to change, especially now when he needs me the most. Youre right, this is insignficant on the grand scheme of things. Thanks for your honesty, this really helps. :)

      Aug 8, 2011
      1 like
  • trublu09
    trublu09

    I can understand why he did what he did, im sure he was feeling all types of ways in the last couple of weeks and did what he felt was best because im sure he was worried. I dont think he should have broken up with you just to continue to act like ya'll are still together though, you gotta have faith in your relationship no matter what, you have been with him for so long, you are there for the long run. yes ur going to college but if its meant to be it will be.



    You wouldnt be a distraction, especially when they are busy 24/7 with barely enough time to think. they need their loved ones from back home he will see that as he goes along because it really get lonely. Not everyone gets a dear john letter. write write write, he will need it!! you love him, tell him you love him. when you are missing him, tell him when ur missing him, tell him everything. support him because that will show him that he made a mistake by breaking up with you. dont write anything that might start a long distance arguement though, that would blow.



    dont stop living your life though, have fun before you go to college, live it up, we all have to remember that the men are off doing their thing and we have to as well, there can be sad crying days but u gotta stay stong for the men. (easier said than done lol)



    the last couple of weeks when my bf was here, we argued about boot camp a lot, because i didnt want him to go, i was scared of so many things (still am) but this is the best decision he has ever made besides making me his gf (his words in his letter) ^__^ a lot goes through the recruits heads, they have it wayyyyy harder than we have it. take it day by day and see how everything goes. semper fi

    Aug 7, 2011
    2 likes
    • usmcgirl93
      usmcgirl93

      yeah, i wasnt happy that he chose to be single going into basic but i was just trying to be supportive. Now that he is gone i will continue to support him no matter what because i love him, he definitely was losing faith in our relationship though and i hope that while he is gone he will see that i will be by his side no matter what. Thanks for the advice. Its so cute that your boyfriend said that in his letter :) i cant wait until i start getting letters.

      Aug 7, 2011
      1 like
  • nycgirl718
    nycgirl718

    Hey girl. I understand what you are going through. My bf is leaving tomorrow. We've been together for a year and have been living with eachother for 10 months! We were the perfect couple but the past couple of months, its been arguing and breakups. Men especially Marine men, are not going to break down into tears. If they cry for the relationship and break down on their feelings, it will make them feel weak when they are at bootcamp with DI screaming in their faces while fellow recruits just stand there. He doesnt want to be the "punk" of the group. It could also be that others are telling him your girl is going to cheat on you, blah blah blah... My bf and I are completely honest with each other even if we dont like it. During our arguments, I told that he doesnt love me, and wants to be a single marine so he can date all the girls he wants to. He said I was wrong, he loves me bc, he lets me borrow his car, supports me financially and emotinally on all decisions I make, trusts me and always come home. One thing he told me that he never shared before, was the HIS ACTUAL RECRUITER TOLD ALL THE GUYS THAT IF THEY HAVE GIRLFRIENDS, THEY SHOULD JUST BREAK WITH THEM!! He said girlfriends, are a distractions and they dont need that. We are not wives, or dependents, we are not promised. They need to focus on being a Marine, not a boyfriend. I thought this was complete BS!! My bf said if I didnt love you and was focus on only my future, we wouldve went our separate ways, then he said, this is for OUR future. I am still with you and expect you to wait for me. My bf was also distant. Even today when I started to cry, he was mimicking me to distract me. They dont want you to suffer while they are away. And no, dont bring up the issue about your "status". It is the last thing they want to hear, and it makes us sound selfish. I suggest you wait for that first letter, read his words and try to feel what hes writing, you know your man and dont lie to yourself, try to see what HE is trying to tell you. Then write to him, as a response, put an I love you but dont appear sad. They dont want that. 3 months of trainng compared to the the MOS training and deployments that await, we are going to wish, they were back at bootcamp. Im here if you need me bc my journey just begun as well....

    Aug 7, 2011
    1 like
    • usmcgirl93
      usmcgirl93

      Thank you so much for your advice, its always good to see that my boyfriend isnt the only one who did and said those things. Things that i know he didnt mean. He told me the same thing about his recruiters and other marine friends, they all suggest being single and i know thats what fueled what he was saying even though his actions were completely contradicting to what he wastelling me. I know that he is worrying about being weak and me being a distraction, he told me that and also that he and his friends think its innevitable that all girls will screw over marines! Total BS. I will be strong, i cant wait to ssend him my letters and to start getting his. Thanks for the advice.

      Aug 7, 2011
      1 like
  • clw5
    clw5

    Hey girl we are kindn of going through the same thing! If you need anything let me know. I think you should just supporthim the best you can. If you want to be with him, talk to him like you want too ya know. Only you know how your heart feels. (: dont listen to you family, I mean my family has said the same thing about Josh, we have been together 2.5 years and he broke up with me exactly a month before he was leaving saying he wasnt happy and he just wanted to do this alone. I mean I know this isnt him so I am not giving up on him and I think your guy isnt giving up on you and he does love you...I mean they say things but they do things that are completly opposite of how they are really feeling. Actions speak louder than words (: I am here if you need to talk girl!

    Aug 7, 2011
    2 likes