My Ex Boyfriend ~ The MarineI am not a Marine Girlfriend anymore but my (ex) Marine has not wanted to let me go since I broke it off with him eight months ago. Make no mistake - I loved this man with all of my heart but war and ptsd ~ to which I have MUCH patience with ~ completely took him to a dark place that I could not help him with and I could not take the emotional abuse and stress anymore. His name is Rowdy and he's an awesome man and I stood by him and put up with MORE from him than anyone else ever would of because I loved him and really thought he was the one. His behavior eventually drove me away and I when I finally make the decision to leave I stay gone. I did everything that I could to salvage our relationship and he chose not to listen to a word I said until it was too late. I'm not into yo-yo relationships and once I walk out the door I promise I am out the door forever.
Rowdy just texted me this morning to inform me that he is once again going back "over there". Afghanistan this time. Rowdy has been to Iraq 3 times as a Marine and then when he got out he's been 2 times as a contractor - last time was policing and this time he's going to be a rifleman in a personal security detail or something.
Since Rowdy and I broke up I have moved on and have an amazing boyfriend, that I love and that loves me. He's my best friend and we have a mutual respect that makes our relationship flow so smoothly that we are a Super-Couple. Everything is so calm in this relationship and other than a few bumps it's actually an easy relationship to be in. My boyfriend and I didn't jump into this - we've known each other for a very long time but that is another story for another day. Rowdy, however, has not moved on.
I still care deeply for him and I even have a special place in my heart for him. I will always love Rowdy but I will never go back. I just won't and I am not that kind of girl - again, no yo-yo'ing here. The decision to leave him was not an easy decision to make and I took months and months pondering it. I did not make it lightly and it was a very permanent decision.
What disturbs me is that Rowdy, in our text-conversation this morning, told me that all he wants is to die and go to Heaven and that since he can no longer have "His Molly-baby" in his life it's best for him to go back over and slaughter and kill the bad guys. And then he forwarded an email to me that he sent to one of his team members in this new contracting job "I want my baby back. She doesn't want me. The end. I will go back to work and do what I can to to forget how I failed her. I will brutally kill my enemies and with luck I won't see too many more birthdays. I love my Molly with all my heart. Oh my God, what have I done?"
To have this put on me like that is just not fair.
I guess I would like for you all to know that "My Marine" was in the Corps for a long time. And Once a Marine, Always a Marine. And he can't get enough of the war and he has the blood lust. Done with the Corps - he goes back as a civilian. He was damaged goods before he and I got together and I can't help but wonder if he would have actually HAD a good woman in his life while going through all that stuff he wouldn't have been different when him and I finally got together. He has finally learned and he accepts responsibility for the demise of our relationship. A huge case of you don't know what you got until it's gone...he has dated other women since our break up and he says "they are all trash". When I ask why are they trash he says "They are not you. They are not kind and considerate. they don't love as you do. They are creepy. They hide who they really are and then there true colors show later. You were real and were always the exact same person you presented yourself to be. No shockers with you."
Stand by your Marines - most of your guys are young and impressionable. Support them and take care of them. Be honest with them but don't be silly and girly. Don't let them turn into Rowdy who had no support and who fell into a black hole that even I couldn't help him out of. And I'm not bragging but I am a great catch. I'm not an emotional basket case. I'm not a woe-is-me kind of girl. I'm not just saying I put on a front about that either and then secretly cry to my girlfriends. I am deal with the hand that is dealt kind of girl, pick myself up, find a solution and move on. The words "I just can't live without him" will never be uttered from my mouth because I can and I will. To Rowdy and to my current boyfriend I am an ideal woman because I don't ever get "emotional woman crazy". I think logical and although I can be emotional and I DO feel emotions they are never what drives me. What makes me the (these guys') ideal woman is that I am very real, very honest, and very confident, and very LOGICAL. I nurture and I care for my loved ones and I remain flexible. I listen and do my best to understand. Even if I don't agree - I try my hardest to understand where they come from. At the same time my eyes are wide open and I will not be manipulated and lied to. I will not be abused. To me it's simple - if it doesn't feel right, it isn't right. If it smells fishy, it's fishy. And if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Support your Marine and take care of him. Respect the situations he will be in. But DEMAND that he treat you with respect too...
My story still makes me sad. I want Rowdy to be happy but I'm afraid he will be alone for the rest of his life. I will pray and hope that he isn't ~ he deserves to find someone and be happy. I hope your Marines will never push you away the way Rowdy did to me...
Just another saga of My Marine story...