Getting Close..

2.5 weeks, thats all I have left with him until he leaves for Parris Island University.  My recruit and I have only been together for 4 months, but it feels like 4 years! When we got together I was fully aware of what was going to happen in 6 months from the time we met. It felt like such a long time away that I wasnt concerned about it.  Now here we are 2.5 weeks away, and things are getting interesting.  I feel him detaching, he doesn't want to talk, he doesnt want to hang out , tempers are short and patience is wearing thin.  All I want to do is be with him, but I cant force him to hang when he doesnt want to.  I know he feels it too, I see it all over his face.I cant even begin to understand what he is going through.  I know he loves me, and I love him, I tell him as often as I can since I wont be able to here shortly.  I tell him that I will be at graduation, and I will be here when he gets done with job training in March of next year. 
Is this normal for Marines and recruits to go through, to detach from those they love? What can I do to make this easier for my recruit and for myself?
llriley0510 llriley0510
26-30, F
7 Responses Feb 17, 2012

My guy left for Parris Island last Monday. The week before he left I noticed he was getting quiet and in a bad mood some days, but he couldn't explain why. He just kept saying "I feel terrible. I just feel terrible." It's SCARY for them! I mean, he knew he was about to start 13 weeks of hell and he wasn't going to be able to talk to his family or anyone he loved. You just have to be patient, stay happy, and don't let him see how sad you really are or he'll just feel guilty. Try to have fun with him the next 2.5 weeks. Show up at his house with a favorite movie or try to plan a fun outing and let him know in advance that you have something planned. Reassure him that you WILL be there when he gets out. <br />
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I'm Jordan, send me a message if you ever need to talk! I definitely know that first week can be really brutal and the ladies on here definitely helped me get through it without going completely crazy. ;)

Thank you so much ladies! It feel so good to know we are not alone in what we are going through and that there are wonderful women out there to help support and guide. I am so proud of Tj (my bf)! He did what people said he couldnt do, which was make it through the delayed program. Thank you for all your advice and help! My name is Lyndsay if anyone ever wants a listen ear!

All the advice given is great, just remember it's really not about you. He may say hurtful things about you or the relationship but that's just him trying to protect himself. Even recruits have heard all the horror stories about all the stereo type marine girlfriends and wives. This is your time to show him you're not one of them. I heard recruiters would recommend their marines to break up with their girlfriends cause, " women just can't stay faithful in this type of relationship." I've noticed it was all the bitter marines that got burned by a tag chasers who were the ones saying that. That always plays a factor in their minds. In the end he truly wants you to be happy, sometimes he might feed himself the lies that him being gone makes you miserable and your better off without him, so he thinks pushing you away will make you happier in the end. Just stay strong, reassuring, and patient. Most marines have done this at some point, even my husband did it for a little before he deployed. They learn how to trust that your relationship is different then all those other nasty marine relationships, it'll work out in the end. Try not to fight back, that only reassures his insecurities right now, listen to what he's saying and calmly respond. Your love will shine through his doubts sooner or later. Especially once he starts getting letters from you. Try and write as much as possible, you wont get his address for like 2 weeks, but just send a bundle of the ones you've already written. <br />
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Good luck girl, if you ever need support you can always private message me, we are all here for each other. <br />

Hey! Well I was kinda in the same boat as you before my fiance left for boot. We were dating for just 2 months when he left for boot and now we're at almost 8 months and he's been gone for 5 of them. But, before and now he never tried to detach himself from me which is why its hard for us, but I guess it's hard for everyone. You're saying all the right things though. When you start writing letters just be his support and tell him how strong he his and that you'll be there for him every step of the way. That's all you really can do. But, be strong for him and everything will be fine.

I agree with both of them!! It's definitely normal! Mine always said things like I won't hold it against you if you can't stay faithful & crazy stuff. But we had only been dating 2 months the day he left! It's only because of how fearful he is! He's scared to loose you, & he won't know anything that your doin! Also I'm sure he's fearful of the training! It will be rough on any body!! But the biggest reason I would think he is backing away is because of how scared he is that you won't be there! The only thing you can do, is prove him completely wrong!! Be there time 10 for him!! Show nothing but support!! No doubts at all!! & be patient!! && Have pride in him!! Which I'm sure you do! :))

Hi there! So rlapierre7 gave some wonderful advice, just felt like adding my two cents!<br />
When my boyfriend was close to leaving, he had weird issues too. He got to be somewhat of a jerk. He picked fights and was sometimes unsympathetic towards me. He got angry quickly and we ended up breaking up (for like 10 minutes... but it seemed like a big deal then). Not that I think anything like this will happen to you, but I wanted to let you know, you're not alone!<br />
When he came home from boot camp, it's like all of the silly arguments didn't matter. He was nothing but sweet during his time home.<br />
I hope this can provide some optimism for you! <br />
It will get better, hang in there! <3

Yes most of the time its how they cope with the thought that they are not going to be around you nor their family but instead thrust into something that is meant to break them. The best way to help them is just to be patient and understanding. You have to realize that he's starting to prepare to be away. I know its frustrating because all you want to do is be with them the last few days but if he needs space give it. Always remember he loves you