Feeling Better

Ok so yesterday I wrote about feeling selfish and really just wanting some time to myself on the phone with Jim. So today I woke up still feeling that way this morning. I finally got a phone call today and what happens not even 2 mins in he goes hey umm we are headed to the PX so I'll call later...umm ok and he hung up. The next call was about 5 mins and then he goes hey babe I'm falling asleep I'll call you later. We hang up and I have a mental breakdown, I was sobbing uncontrollably and I realize that all I want is a half hour conversation with my boyfriend and no distractions! and boyfriend is used intentionally, I have been talking to Marine Jim now for the last 2 months and while I love Marine Jim I wanted my boyfriend, not the hard *** emotionless man. I know I won't get my boyfriend for a while longer and have accepted that but it didn't stop the tears. I have been pretty good about keeping it together but there is only so many times you can suck it up before your body takes over and you end up in tears. He calls again and I'm at a funeral, my aunts father in law died and I'd only met the man once but went to be there for my cousins. So I go outside and he talks for about 5 mins, pretty much talking to himself about what is going on this week. He finally asks what I'm gonna do this week and I get about 2 sentences in and he goes hey my mom's calling I'll call later and hung up, didn't get a bye. he calls 10 mins later and goes back to telling me about his mental check list. That convo only last a few mins too. So now I'm really frustrated and my brother is pushing every button he knows and I'm already almost in tears. He's home for the week my gpa and mom have a bday 80 and 50, He lives in Norway with his wife who's stationed there. I freak out at him and he acts like this is a weird responds....well one my boyfriend has been gone for 2 months now, and I was in tears already once today and it wasn't like I was hiding it! Pay attention! Anyways so we all go out to dinner as a family and Jim calls again. he said he has 20 mins before he had to turn his phone in and that he could talk till then. My responds at this point is are you going to hang up on me again? because if you can't talk to me and only me for 15 mins then I will tell you I love you now and to have a good week. he said No I can talk, are you mad at me? I said no I'm not mad but I want an actual conversation if your gonna talk and I don't want you to say I have to go because of something else. he apologized and said that he could talk and would talk to only me. He did too. Which was really good. It was still Marine Jim talking and there wasn't much emotion but he payed attention when i talked and didn't rush to get off the phone cuz something else was more important. Not sure that he realizes how much 15 mins of undivided attention meant to me but I really needed it. Still on the verge of tears and anything could set me off but at least I'm not feeling unimportant like I had been. Hope everyone is well! Semper Fi