3 Weeks And A Day

It's now been 3 weeks and 1 day since his last email, meaning that of course he hasn't called me either. I'm starting to get pretty worried now. The past 2 weeks went by in a blur because work's been so hectic that by the time I get home, I'm pretty much on autopilot of tv-dinner-bed, repeat. Of course my Marine's always on my mind, but for the past 2 weeks it was more like he was on the back-burner. But then yesterday, Friday, marked the official 3-weeks-since-I've-last-heard-from-him point, and it all kind of crashed over me, like a tidal wave. It f*cking hurt - missing him was as real and present as any physical pain. And although today was a really fantastic day and the day-trip to Monterey with my best friend and her little sisters was the perfect distraction from what's going on with my boyfriend, it never really left my thoughts. And now that I'm home, it's worse than ever. Even the drive home was really hard. I heard this song on the radio that perfectly encapsulated our whole situation and everything that I feel about it, and it made me just want to break down and cry. The song was Nickelback's "Far Away," and I swear it's like it was written specifically FOR & ABOUT being in a military relationship. If you haven't heard it before, I highly recommend it, but beware of it opening up the floodgates and leaving you in tears. Here's the link to the lyrics: http://www.metrolyrics.com/far-away-lyrics-nickelback.html
And here's the link to the song itself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4y-RzVGrHg&ob=av2n

Anyway, basically I'm just feeling really anxious and worried right now, and I'd give anything to hear from him. *sigh* It's one of "those" times. Oh, and this is rather disconcerting:

I just came upon a book of poetry in which one of my own poems was published, and naturally I was curious about it because I hadn't seen it in ages, so I'd forgotten it entirely. Well, lo an behold, as I am reading my own words from 5 years ago, I remember what that poem was about: a Marine trying to tell his girlfriend he's getting deployed. And here's why this is really f*cking freaky: I wrote this in 2007, back when the thought of me EVER dating a Marine, or anyone in the military for that matter, was utterly LUDICROUS. This was back when, if anyone had told me I would personally BE in a relationship with a Marine, I would have told them they were high and should stop doing drugs, as I didn't believe in long distance relationships, and the concept of loving someone you only saw a few months out of the year was just appallingly naive and masochistic. Little did I know, right? It's creepy really because this poem kind of just came to me out of nowhere, and wasn't even remotely based on anything I'd ever even thought about before. I'd never even considered or wondered about that situation or topic before! And then I sat down and wrote this thing, submitted it for this poetry competition, and pretty much forgot about it. A few weeks later, my poem was chosen as one of those getting published in the poetry book, I gave my consent, and went on about my life never thinking about it again. Forward to present day, and here I am: sitting in my room - now a changed woman - in love with her Marine boyfriend, freaking out about his current deployment. Life is so bizarre sometimes.

Oh, here's the poem, if anyone's curious. It's called "Confession":

She lay sleeping beside him, her breathing soft and steady.
Her arm was draped over his chest trustingly.
He was wide awake.
Too wired on coffee to sleep, too anxious and troubled to try.
He had to tell her.
"Tomorrow," he whispered, "I'll do it tomorrow."
But too many tomorrows had already passed.
He closed his eyes tiredly.
Twenty-six and already he felt forty.
The stress was aging him, the guilt weighing him down.
Now. He had to tell her now.
He prodded her shoulder gently, his hands shaking.
She awoke slowly, blinking away the remnants of her dream.
"Hello," she said, smiling at him sleepily.
"Hey," he whispered, his throat constricting.
He paused, trying to find the right words.
I'm listening, her eyes said, encouraging him to speak.
Just as he was about to confess, she kissed his cheek.
And just like that, all his resolve melted away.
"Tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow."
deleted deleted
4 Responses Mar 25, 2012

Those moments where you realize you haven't heard from them in a while can be heartbreaking. For one reason, like you said, you feel like you have put your loved one on the back burner and for two, you just want to hear a simple "hey, i'm okay!" I remember those long period of times not hearing from my boyfriend for weeks when he was deployed. It was awful, but then either shortly after, or the day of my wondering stage he would end up calling and take all that worry away! For me, I just tried to never think negative and prayed a lot! Just gotta be positive! He will call soon :) Keep goin strong!

Wow its a pretty good poem - i really like that song by the way and yup flood gates opened in a big way lol!! So as for not hearing form him it sucks right and honestly i completely get what you saying there's times i can go days without hearing from AJ and not even think about until one day something makes me stop and take stock and i realize how long its been then cry and have the usual heart failure and worry constantly the good thing about that is when that does happen i know in the next couple of days i will hear something lol stay strong girl you doing great you'll hear something soon!

Wow...your poem just made me tear up. You are a very talented writer! I think sometimes something in us knows what will happen. Have faith...you have the strength to get through this and it will make you a better person! I know it's hard but if you ever need anything I'm here for you. Semper Fi!

I drown myself with work as well. It usually helps in keeping my mind off missing my sweetheart. However, as you are probably already aware, missing them is inevitable. You're going to have days where you find yourself sinking in sadness from the thought of him not being around. My advice would be to welcome the feeling. There's nothing worse than a build up of negative emotions. He'll contact you soon I'm sure.<br />
<br />
You have such a way with words. I myself used to write and am trying to fi nd my way back to it. Alas, everytime I sit in front of a notebook, pen in hand.. BOOM.. writer's block. As for the song you mentioned, I LOVE THIS SONG and listen to it quite often. If the lyrics make you teary-eyed, the video will surely have you emptying a box of tissues.<br />
<br />
By the way, if you ever want to talk, feel free to message me. Chin up lady. :)