3 Weeks And A DayIt's now been 3 weeks and 1 day since his last email, meaning that of course he hasn't called me either. I'm starting to get pretty worried now. The past 2 weeks went by in a blur because work's been so hectic that by the time I get home, I'm pretty much on autopilot of tv-dinner-bed, repeat. Of course my Marine's always on my mind, but for the past 2 weeks it was more like he was on the back-burner. But then yesterday, Friday, marked the official 3-weeks-since-I've-last-heard-from-him point, and it all kind of crashed over me, like a tidal wave. It f*cking hurt - missing him was as real and present as any physical pain. And although today was a really fantastic day and the day-trip to Monterey with my best friend and her little sisters was the perfect distraction from what's going on with my boyfriend, it never really left my thoughts. And now that I'm home, it's worse than ever. Even the drive home was really hard. I heard this song on the radio that perfectly encapsulated our whole situation and everything that I feel about it, and it made me just want to break down and cry. The song was Nickelback's "Far Away," and I swear it's like it was written specifically FOR & ABOUT being in a military relationship. If you haven't heard it before, I highly recommend it, but beware of it opening up the floodgates and leaving you in tears. Here's the link to the lyrics: http://www.metrolyrics.com/far-away-lyrics-nickelback.html
And here's the link to the song itself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j4y-RzVGrHg&ob=av2n
Anyway, basically I'm just feeling really anxious and worried right now, and I'd give anything to hear from him. *sigh* It's one of "those" times. Oh, and this is rather disconcerting:
I just came upon a book of poetry in which one of my own poems was published, and naturally I was curious about it because I hadn't seen it in ages, so I'd forgotten it entirely. Well, lo an behold, as I am reading my own words from 5 years ago, I remember what that poem was about: a Marine trying to tell his girlfriend he's getting deployed. And here's why this is really f*cking freaky: I wrote this in 2007, back when the thought of me EVER dating a Marine, or anyone in the military for that matter, was utterly LUDICROUS. This was back when, if anyone had told me I would personally BE in a relationship with a Marine, I would have told them they were high and should stop doing drugs, as I didn't believe in long distance relationships, and the concept of loving someone you only saw a few months out of the year was just appallingly naive and masochistic. Little did I know, right? It's creepy really because this poem kind of just came to me out of nowhere, and wasn't even remotely ba
Oh, here's the poem, if anyone's curious. It's called "Confession":
She lay sleeping beside him, her breathing soft and steady.
Her arm was draped over his chest trustingly.
He was wide awake.
Too wired on coffee to sleep, too anxious and troubled to try.
He had to tell her.
"Tomorrow," he whispered, "I'll do it tomorrow."
But too many tomorrows had already passed.
He closed his eyes tiredly.
Twenty-six and already he felt forty.
The stress was aging him, the guilt weighing him down.
Now. He had to tell her now.
He prodded her shoulder gently, his hands shaking.
She awoke slowly, bl
"Hello," she said, smiling at him sleepily.
"Hey," he whispered, his throat constricting.
He paused, trying to find the right words.
I'm listening, her eyes said, encouraging him to speak.
Just as he was about to confess, she kissed his cheek.
And just like that, all his resolve melted away.
"Tomorrow. I'll do it tomorrow."