What Do You Think?

So i have a 2yr old son from a previous relationship. my boyfriend is amazing with him they have a great relationship with one another. but a lot of people are saying that it isnt good for my son, me being with some one in the military. Especially since we are talking about getting married i would of course move down to San Diego where he is (well as of now he is down there). a lot of them say its not fair for my son to be taken away from his father (if you can call him that) an having to constantly move around and that im being selfish for not considering how this would effect my son..... are they right am i being selfish? i dont think i am, my bf is great with him and treats him as if he is his own. my son cant get enough of him whens he gets to visit us. i would greatly appreciate any opinions. and if any of you girls have this same situation?.....

Morgii Morgii
18-21, F
7 Responses Apr 26, 2012

I'm not in the position but i grew up with dad being in the military and honestly i dont regret the way i grew up or even my dad being in the military for one second really not for one second i never think my dad was selfish or my mom if anything this life they way we lived taught me how to tough it out suck it up. i looked at every change as a new beginning and a chance for me to reinvent myself and try new things more importantly it taught me to appreciate every second i had and enjoy every moment i got. I loved travelling yes during the time i hated it but my mom made a game of it every time we went somewhere she used challenge us to try something new and get lost in the moment and honestly we always did i learnt languages and cultures and traditions and i'm not sorry about it for a second that life made me into the person i am today its not selfish and whoever thinks that has absolutely no idea what they talking about they really don't!! <br />
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Opinions are like ******** everyone has one! Good luck!!

I dont have any children myself, but if i was in your situation i would not let what these people are saying get to you. The way you briefly spoke about his father it doesnt seem like he is in his life very much, im not sure of your situation at all. But if your boyfriend is that good with him and you love him and want to be with him then why not? I mean would it be selfish if that was his real son? <br />
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If this is something that you know will only be for the better, not only for your relationship but for your son as well then i say do it. Yes it will be hard because he will be away but your son will adjust he is still young. Its not like hes in school and your pulling him away from his life and dragging him to sd yenno? <br />
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After being with my marine im all for love and following your heart, its all about time which wen your with a marine you have very little of. I dont think its being selfish, just by you caring enough to post this story and question your decision is showing your trying to be the best mother and you want to make the right decisions. message me if you need to talk!! goodluck :)

It's so hard on little kids. But I don't think it makes you selfish to be in a relationship with a Marine. My daughter is 3, and I have to listen to her cry every night he is gone and not understand why daddy isn't here. She's not really old enough to understand. When he is home she is really, really clingy to him and won't let him out of her sight because she's always afraid that he'll be leaving for a long period of time. "Selfish" makes it sound like it's beneficial to you and harmful to others, but really you are going to be the one explaining to your child why he is gone and dealing with all the tears and questions. The lifestyle makes your job as a parent HARDER, not easier (in many ways. in other ways it makes it easier like the steady paycheck and the healthcare) You will be parenting alone most of the time. They work really long days, have duty, training, deployments, ect. The moving around a lot isn't that big of a deal, in my opinion. But since there is already a bond between your child and your boyfriend, then you will find all these things out for yourself as you move forward in your relationship. Best of luck to you guys! :)

My roommate has a 3 year old daughter and I have been a big part of her life since she was born. (I have been her daycare for 2 years so I feel like she's my own child). Anyways, Sara, her mom was in a relationship with this guy for the first 2 years of dahlias life. He obviously became a huge part of dahlias life and when they spilt a year ago it was and still is confusing for her. She is 3 now and has been abandoned basically by her father and a father figure sooo she is started to seem like she has a hate for men. I'm NOT by any means sayin that stayin with your guy is wrong or selfish or anything. I'm just sayin make sure you are 100% sure that this is the man you want to spend forever with before you get your son involved. It says your between 18-21 years old so your young and there is no need to rush anything!! I know you feel like as a mother you need to settle down faster and I understand that, but don't settle down JUST to have a husband and some support. Yea you may move around a lot but at 3 that's isn't an issue. Is your guy stayin in the marines for a long time? Because the only thing about moving with kids is them having to constantly make new friends. <br />
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But on a happier note, having a father figure and role model is amazing for kids. Especially little boys! And seeing that we are all with marines we are probably blessed with great men. I do not think you are being selfish at all. I think your family is just concerned. Just take your feelings for your man out of the picture and think about the type of life you want for your son. If this is it, go for it! If its not, then that's your call but be careful! I hope this is helpful somewhat. I don't mean to be a Debbie downer because having a kid and being with a marine can be an absolute blessing and so good for them. I just wanted to put in some opposing input to make sure you weigh your options before you take such a big step! Good luck and I'm sure things will work out great! You seem like an awesome mom!

I don't have kids but I grew up most of my life in the military. My dad was Air Force for 21 years and half of my life. I personally loved traveling and seeing new places. I don't think it's selfish at all on your part, you want what's best for you and your kid and having a solid family is definitely best. So ignore the hate.

Jordon couldn't have said it better. She's 100% right. :)

Thank you :)

I'm not in your situation, nor do I have kids yet. But here's what I think.<br />
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Those people telling you that, are the ones being selfish. From the sound of your post, you son's father isn't really that involved. So giving your son a father example, a man who's selfless and loving isn't being selfish. It's providing him with a role model. He wouldn't be the first kid that had to endure having a parent in the military and he won't be the last. Yes, it's hard, but at the same token the only reason those people get to enjoy their freedom is from men and women like your bf and my husband. You know what's best for you and your son, and no one can tell you your being a selfish mother. Especially after your putting so much thought into this. For them to say your being selfish, is like saying a marine is selfish for wanting a wife and a family. It's not! It's just a way of life, that offers stability for both of you and gives you the love from your man and a good example for your son. If your sons father wants to spend time with him, obviously yo ushould allow him to and maybe let him spend the summer with him when he's older cause he does need his father in his life if he isn't negative and putting him in a dangerous situation. But if you love your bf and you feel like marrying him is the best thing for you both, why not! Your bf loves your son and treats him like his own flesh and blood. It's more important to have a man give him that love then to wait around on his fathers love that he might not even be capable of giving. I don't know your sons father and of course I don't know how he treats your son, but the fact you said his father if you could even call him that. Tells me you need to do what's best for you both and give him the father example he deserves. <br />
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My oldest brother is my half brother, which is weird to say cause we never talked about half blood in our house, (I litterally had to think about what it was called, and I didn't even know the difference till I was like 10 even though I knew he had a different dad I never thought my dad wasn't his blood father cause my parents never allowed anyone to see him as anything but our dad's son) and his father is a dead beat. But my mom married my father when my brother was 3 years old and my dad has NEVER once treated him as a step child. My dad never believed in step kids, he asked my brother to marry him when he asked my mom. My brother has always called my dad, dad. He has always said my dad is the only dad he has ever had even though they allowed him to see his real dad every other weekend. But love isn't about blood, it's about love. My brother has raised his daughter with the example our dad set and he has always seen the difference in the love his biological dad gave and our dad gave. Till this day, he will always say who his father is and that's our dad. It was better for him to feel the love and see the difference then it was for my mother to stick around his real dad and let that control the life they had. My mom stepped out and found a better life not only for her but for him. That's what moms do, they protect their children and give them the best chance possible to understand love and family. So no, not one part of you is being selfish for wanting to offer your son love and family.