I'm In A Glass Case Of Emotions!So for the past week or so.. I have been a complete mess. That is not very likely of me, at all!
I don't like it, not one bit. I've been strong, but it's been caught up with me.. and cant control it at the moment.
I guess this could get long, explaining why I feel this way.
My Marine and I have been through really rough stuff.. 5 yrs of heart breaks, arguing, hurting, and so on..
He chased me back when I found out something he tried to hide.. and I left him. Went out with another guy. and then i came back to him.. and this was 3 months before him leaving to boot camp. We finally sorted things out and he was back to the sweet and amazing guy i fell in love with. It was like the first time, the cute smiles, butterflies, etc. So happy we actually got back, and i couldn't have asked for it any other way. I'm happy that he realized the girl he was with before was not for him.. and he wanted ME back.. and i think she is so prettier than me.. but why me?
My problem now is that im over thinking about the past so much .. that im not enjoying anything now. worse that he's gone.
The 3 months i spent with him before leaving was beyond amazing and unreal. Now im just so insecure about how i look, unhappy, stressed.
Im just not happy with myself at all.. it bugs me that he never deleted that girl off his Facebook.. like why keep her there? He couldn't really give me an answer.. so that truly bothers me. . i don't want her to see his fb or him to see hers. it doesn't make sense. I compare her looks to mine and i just hate it. :/
Yes im a bit jealous because they had a past.. and they don't talk now. but still.. its just so difficult. this was like a yr ago .. and i cant seem to get over it? slowly but surely I am.
Now im just sad that he's not the same because he is a Marine.. and he so much more to focus on.
I need to go out and do what makes me happy too because he's doing his... and college is not really helping. I'm so undecided. I dont know what i have passion for or what im good at. I'm so young.. but i don't like these worries. I wanna make myself happy first, because i know i wont be able to make him happy. I know ill just make things worse and let out my frustration out on him when we talk.. i don't want it to get like that.
And with all this I mean by I don't ever want to lose him again.. ever. :[
I hope this long distance wont be in the way. we have been through so much. i think anything is worth it.. I dont see myself anyone else but him.. he is my best friend. I love him.
I needed to let this out my chest.. writing/typing helps me a lot. and if any comments that would be helpful!
raindrop21 18-21, F 3 Responses 0 May 13, 2012