I Have No Title

Wow I’ve been morbid posting a lot lately my doctor is literally going to send me over the edge with this in a way I think he already did but he’s forgiven‼ The initial diagnosis I received was PCOS along with a tear because everything happening at the time I wasn’t exactly paying attention and it went right over my head then my mom got all internet on me and was asking me a million questions she kept saying it made no sense I wasn’t over weight in fact she thought I was too thin I was fit and healthy I wasn’t going bald or had no facial hair my response was because I was on the pill and its genetic it didn’t have to make sense I just got the gene it happens and you didn’t have to have all symptoms, symptoms were never a requirement some people go through their whole life with out knowing like me I didn’t have a frigging clue until we started digging and my mom said Storm it just doesn’t fit to be honest I wasn’t exactly interested either then my family jumped on the bandwagon and brought out every medical text book I had within reach so they could do some research really I’d be sitting down and they’d be comparing notes on what one text book said and making ticks and crosses of known symptoms that I was having – it involved in depth discussions about me I had like self appointed doctors all around me‼ I was about to actually shoot one of them when what they were saying actually started making sense my only symptom was irregular periods I had none of the other symptoms was that even possible and I was pretty sure it couldn’t be then the ingrained second opinion kept leaping into my brain I was pretty sure result would be the same though either way I still had a tear and although I can do something about there was still a risk and besides I was just getting used to it.  Then my doctor called and told me to get over to his office he needed to speak to me now.

There was a mix up in the lab – don’t be like me and get excited because its pointless and it doesn’t get any better I still cant have kids the only thing that changed was the diagnosis. I now have Primary Ovarian Insufficiency or Premature Ovarian Failure the two diagnosis’s are worlds apart but one thing stays the same I have a hormone imbalance only with this one my ovaries decided to stop working because I was on the pill before and it seemed to be working he’s put me back on it for a while and I pretty much told him I wasn’t making any decisions now this wasn’t just about me anymore. He’s also told me that at some point I needed to get a full check up I left his office called my GP and told him and he’s fitting me in tomorrow once again I feel like I’m just going through the motions I cant wrap my head around any of this its just beyond me right now I’m doing what I have to do what I know I have to do anything beyond that is a no go it’s actually insane it really is I almost in a tiny way think I already knew I wouldn’t be able to have kids and not because I have dodgy ovaries and technically I’ve kind of known it for a while being told to leave it and see what happens kind of sets off a million alarm bells in a way I think all of this just confirmed what I had been thinking for a while I just have make peace with it and tell AJ – it’s a lot harder said than done. My mom however did make me laugh it’s probably the most ironic thing she’s done in while I told her the new diagnoses and she ran over to the computer and looked it up and said oh thank god you just have bum ovaries that just stopped working nothing to hectic like you turning into a boy 5 minutes ago she shouting at my dad for being insensitive because he read out a symptom and said Storm I’ve got to tell you that you’ve never looked more feminine in your life‼  However one thing remains the same it’s still genetic the minute I realized that I couldn’t help but think about Savannah the gene is in our family the men get the gene but it’s dormant they can pass it on to their kids and especially their girls. Savannah could have this there’s a big chance that she does because Jas may be carrying the gene – what’s even more crazy is now is I’m more worried about Savannah than me or AJ -  trying to figure out what’s actually going on in head at this point is mission impossible right now I just leave it to sort itself out.  

Ok I’m done with doom and gloom I cant anymore it goes against every fiber of my being I’m not making any decisions now because AJ isn’t here and I know he’s going to say I don’t care just be fine for me I can actually hear him saying it but he still needs to be here none of this changed that‼ good news though he’s nearly home its  so close seriously it’s within reach now I can see the finishing line now its not exactly fingers and toes stuff yet I still have to borrow a few fingers and toes from other people but nearly‼ so to answer my dads earlier question yes I can hold out until then‼ More good news is actually saying to my mom that it’s genetic it doesn’t have to make sense and there’s nothing that could be done was something I needed to say and I needed to hear me say it no it doesn’t make it easier it makes it more understandable because I know there is nothing I could have done differently. So I want you all to know that as crazy as the day was with being miss diagnosed I had a good day one of the better ones in a while for the first time I can actually say we’ll be fine and actually believe it I still have to have a really crappy chat which I’m dreading but I feel like I can actually do it now I have no idea what was different today but it was I’ve been looking into adoption and IVF I’m convinced that even though I have this unpleasant thing AJ will still be dad I know I don’t want this on my daughter or son so I’m stopping the buck here my gene pool is out the picture AJ’s isn’t it’s the only decision I have made and we’ll figure it out I know we will and it’s a big step it’s something that I refused to do a couple of days ago and here I was jumping into it researching it I know I’m taking it step by step the difference is now I actually do believe it  as for rest of it that I touched on yesterday I’m just playing it out I know it’s the only thing I can do at this point it’s messy but I have to it but over all I think Zombie Storm is making a break through‼

Once again THANK YOU EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU‼!  

Storm25 Storm25
26-30, F
6 Responses May 17, 2012

This update made me happy! And I know you and AJ are going to be AMAZING parents someday! (and freaking YAY he's almost home!!!)

I'm so glad to hear this news! You are an amazing person and I have always loved reading your stories. They have help me get through boot camp and prepare for what is to come. <br />
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As I commented on your first story about this, I am adopted myself and I feel extreemely luck to have been. If you have any questions about it please message me! I will answer anything I can. :)<br />
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Good luck and stay strong!

So glad to hear it was a misdiagnosis. Again I think you're so brave and I have the greatest respect for your family!! They sound amazing! I agree, don't ever give up, you will be an amazing mommy someday! Good luck girl and God bless!

I'm glad you got a breath of air today. Might not be much but at least it gave you a little bit of clarity and some idea of how to deal with such a tough situation. You can handle this, between you and AJ it will all work out. Your both fighters and the world is just gonna have to deal with the fact that your gonna win this round, even if it isn't exactly how you thought it would go to begin with.<br />
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Keep finding things to make you smile it will help keep you sane

Don't give up on your dream if becoming a mom. There are so many options now that are available. You a re a strong and amazing woman. Keep it up Storm <3

Yayy so glad it's getting better!!! And I have so much respect for you decided to stop the gene there. It's probably one of the most selfless things I have heard in a very long time! But definitely don't give up on being a mother! A child would be very lucky to have the 2 of you as parents from what i see on this site!!