I Feel Like A Cold, Feelingless Alien Sometimes...

Everyone always says, "Awww, how are you dealing with that? Are you okay?" when they find out my boyfriend is in Afghanistan. But, honestly, I am not worried. I don't cry. I have this weird defense mechanism that makes it really easy for me not to think about things that hurt. I've never been a worrier anyway. I don't know why, and I REALLY, REALLY love my boyfriend. But I just don't feel that intense, sickening fear that I think I should be feeling... Call it faith, or whatever. But I am not scared of him dying or being emotionally scarred. I'm just not...He calls a lot and I always try to be the best I can be and cheer him up or just listen. Most of the time he is very silent, but I never let that bother me and I know if he didn't want to talk to me he wouldn't even be calling, so the silence doesn't mean anything other than that he doesn't have anything to say. I just feel like I SHOULD be devastated. I'm just going with the flow.
Fitfemmefatale Fitfemmefatale
18-21
1 Response May 22, 2012

Hey I'm Storm and AJ is my fiance he's currently deployed right now. I feel the same times there's a part of me that just switches off because i know i cant go there its a defense thing i think i'm just good at building those walls up because i've learnt to do it from a very early age - in a way its good but it can back fire on you as well which i hope it doesnt!! Good luck and well come!!

Wow, I'm glad I'm not the only one. I know it looks to some like I'm apathetic, but I'm really not. I just pray a lot, and I've never doubted that he'll come back home and feel the same way he always has about me. So, good luck to you, too, and I think maybe your significant other appreciates that you aren't a basket case so that he can worry less. Thanks a lot!