Deployment Fights?

my boyfriend and i have been together for a year and a half. we have never fought ever. he left in april for his first deployment to afghanistan. and it was almost as soon as he got over there we started to disagree on some things. but its ALWAYS stupid petty crap. like the other day our skype call got disconnected and he though i hung up on him, cause i happened right after he said "i love you" and because of the timing he thought i hung up. but i didnt, and i thought he had hung up on me. so i signed off of skype. then he facebook massaged me and was mad that "i hung up on him" and i was mad that "he hung up on me" then today i told him i had a surprise for him when he got back to the states. he HATES surprises. but i thought id have a little fun with him and try to make him guess by giving him really stupid clues that dont help out at all with what it is. he got mad that i wouldnt tell him. then it turned into him being pissed off at me about it. i know and understand that hes going to be a little on edge and stuff cause hes over there. and that im going to be on edge and extra emotional about things because hes over there. but i just dont get why this is happening. i love him with all my heart and it tears me up on the inside when this crap happens. i absolutely hate it. and i cant ever stay mad at him or not talk to him cause im upset with him because that time that i do get to talk to him is precious and valuable. im not going to give that up just because we got in a disagreement or argument. were planning on getting married when he gets back in december. and he brought up today while we were having our little whatever that he doesnt want to get married if we are going to fight. i totally agree with that, but its something that never crossed my might to even think of that because i love him to much to want to fight. and when he said that it totally caught me off guard and i immediately broke down and cried. it tore me up when he said that. and now i feel numb to the whole situation. he did apologize and say sorry for saying that, but its always going to be in the back of my mind.

anyways, is this normal? sorry its so long
sevs19 sevs19
18-21, F
6 Responses Jul 7, 2012

The best way I can describe it is like this: they are under constant stress. Even if he is on a bigger ba<x>se, it doesn't necessarily me he is safe, and even if he is, they have to WORK all the time. Nothing new - you know all this. What is DIFFERENT is that he doesnt have the time psychologically or emotionally to be the man you know and love. I'm not saying he doesnt love you, but if you were under constant stress you wouldn't be the same person you are chilling in your home, right? I can only imagine how hard it must be to keep your Marine head screwed on straight and make sure he is FOCUSED... while trying to maintain a level of emotional connection with his loved ones. My Marine left in May, and our jokes are gone, I obviously don't get the physical connection anymore, and I'm literally surviving off of what I hope will happen when he comes home. I know he has to be MARINE first, my boyfriend second, and I am ok with that as long as he is safe! I basically think you have to step back and make sure everything you are doing is to better HIS situation. I know it sounds bad, but we are JUST FINE here, yes we miss them, but that is NOT as big of a deal as what they have to deal with. THEY MISS US TOO. Its just that they have "bigger fish to fry" and try not to worry about the little stuff. Let it roll off your back and remind him that no matter what you'll wait and that you love him. No matter what the argument is about, if you interrupt and just remind him of that- it should help! :) Good luck to you girl and stay strong. This is a test to not only your love for each other but to your patience, faith, and loyalty! It speaks VOLUMES when you can overcome a deployment with as much or MORE love than you started with. Homecoming will be here before you know it! :D You can message me if you want, sounds like we are in the same boat!

thanks so much for your help and input guys! i do try to tend to take all the blame when fights happen, he has much bigger things to worry about then our stupid fights. but i also did find out he was taking estrogen blockers for when he works out. so that probably had a big thing to do with it. but he said he wasnt going to take them anymore cause he didnt like the way he acted when he was on them.

We're having the same problems. My man is in Afghan and he only has 7 days left!!! However, we keep fighting about the dumbest things...the other day we got in a fight because of not commenting on a facebook post...seriously? haha i find the easiest way to avoid these fights or prevent them from happening is just telling him that its just the distance that makes you guys argue. especially if you were together so long before he left. Also, I tend to admit that im wrong even when I dont think I am just to not fight about it, because the boys thats all they think about when they are fighting with us. We can do stuff to attempt to keep our minds occupied. Good Luck :) Stay strong! Msg if you need anything!!

so happy for you that hell be home so soooon!! you must be so freakin happy. i cant wait to have that feeling knowing hell be home in a week! it makes me excited just thinking about it haha =]

My man and I have been having the same issues. He's in training but has been gone 7 months now. We fight over the most pointless things known to mankind!!!! But in the end I know it's because he is stressed. And as one girl told me, he is probably upset he can't be here and decides to yell to deal with the distance. <br />
Another thing I have noticed is a lot of men find out their loved one is cheatin while they are away. I think when they are surrounded by good men getting screwed over by wives they get paranoid that you may be doing the same. I could be wrong though. <br />
If I were you I would just keep every conversation as positive as possible. Stop fights early and just reassure him that you love him and will be here waiting for him no matter what. Best of luck! Message me if you need to talk!

I haven't been through a deployment yet, so I can only speak from my own personal experience. But as rickibrat2 said, it's probably stress and fear on his side that is causing tension from him. My bf and I got into a minor fight last weekend when I saw him on his libbo (he's still in training) and once it was over we both appologized and said we were both stressed out. Stress causes almost everyone to overreact, even if they aren't in a military relationship. I would suggest next time your on skype and think he hung up on you, to try and call him back. If you can't get a hold of him via skype shoot him a message saying that you think you two got disconnected. That way he knows you didn't hang up on him and it won't cause the miscommunication (that can easily happen) again. As far as him saying he didn't want to get married if you two are going to fight, he needs to realize that there are fights in every relationship. No matter how happy the relationship is, there are "fights". It's all a matter of how the two of you handle them. Growing up (and to this day) I have never heard my parents "fight", but I can say that they have had their dissagreements. They just learned how to calmly dissagree and continue on to work it out. I aspire to have a relationship like my parents but both my bf and I are stubborn and hotheaded so it makes arguments less than civil sometimes. Just try talking to him and let him know that you don't ever want to fight but that sometimes you will dissagree on things. When that happens you both need to do your best to keep calm and civil (which I know can be extremely difficult at times). Keep your head up and good luck! If you ever need someone to talk to feel free to message me. :)

stress and fear