Scared And ConfusedHey everyone. So I lately have been trying to find someone to understand me and I'm hoping that I will get some comment that will help. Officially my boyfriend is a poolee. He swore in today(technically yesterday). It was hard to watch everything go on waiting in a room of guys that are shipping off in days knowing that next year that will be him. We've only been together for 9 months but by far those 9 months have been the best relationship I've ever had. He gets things that most the time you wouldn't expect a guy to get. Today after everything keeping quiet and waiting til he was sworn in plus thinking about what everything he's doing it kinda finally broke me. I sat thinking I will not cry and I didn't until we got home. I just started crying and I tried to hide it mostly because I couldn't see through his mask and I just wanted to be strong and not let him know how much things were effecting me.
Now I need to make it clear we don't have the most normal relationship he's going to be graduating this coming year while I have graduated and am heading off to college. I try to be the mature one but by far I'm not really we both have a lot weighing on us in our families that made us be mature and that's kinda why we work so well. But when it comes down to it he's never let anyone through that mask. I mean occasionally me but not a lot and he hides a lot but I start balling and the first thing he says is "I'm sorry I haven't been giving you much attention its been a long hot day and takes me in his arms" all I could do was laugh a little bit at him because I knew that wasn't it and I blubber that out to him and he holds me til I settle a bit more then he looks at me and says, "I'm scared too." That let go the flood gates. I balled curled up on his chest and balled until I just didn't have anything left in me. For once I felt like I wasn't completely the only one that had a lot going on I really want to know though...Has anyone else been here at this point? I mean especially with the fact that I go off to college and just after the first year when I finally get comfortable with it he takes off. I'm scared that with everything going on that we will lose each other but I'm also afraid to watch him this gentleman that has been there for a lot to change. I'd like to hear some people on this and yes he is a manly man and probably would kill me for even saying that he was scared...Thanks for reading I know its kinda personal but I think there's more people that understand this than I really feel like there is.