Scared And Confused

Hey everyone. So I lately have been trying to find someone to understand me and I'm hoping that I will get some comment that will help. Officially my boyfriend is a poolee. He swore in today(technically yesterday). It was hard to watch everything go on waiting in a room of guys that are shipping off in days knowing that next year that will be him. We've only been together for 9 months but by far those 9 months have been the best relationship I've ever had. He gets things that most the time you wouldn't expect a guy to get. Today after everything keeping quiet and waiting til he was sworn in plus thinking about what everything he's doing it kinda finally broke me. I sat thinking I will not cry and I didn't until we got home. I just started crying and I tried to hide it mostly because I couldn't see through his mask and I just wanted to be strong and not let him know how much things were effecting me.
Now I need to make it clear we don't have the most normal relationship he's going to be graduating this coming year while I have graduated and am heading off to college. I try to be the mature one but by far I'm not really we both have a lot weighing on us in our families that made us be mature and that's kinda why we work so well. But when it comes down to it he's never let anyone through that mask. I mean occasionally me but not a lot and he hides a lot but I start balling and the first thing he says is "I'm sorry I haven't been giving you much attention its been a long hot day and takes me in his arms" all I could do was laugh a little bit at him because I knew that wasn't it and I blubber that out to him and he holds me til I settle a bit more then he looks at me and says, "I'm scared too." That let go the flood gates. I balled curled up on his chest and balled until I just didn't have anything left in me. For once I felt like I wasn't completely the only one that had a lot going on I really want to know though...Has anyone else been here at this point? I mean especially with the fact that I go off to college and just after the first year when I finally get comfortable with it he takes off. I'm scared that with everything going on that we will lose each other but I'm also afraid to watch him this gentleman that has been there for a lot to change. I'd like to hear some people on this and yes he is a manly man and probably would kill me for even saying that he was scared...Thanks for reading I know its kinda personal but I think there's more people that understand this than I really feel like there is.
UnknownFuture UnknownFuture
18-21, F
3 Responses Jul 10, 2012

Hey. Your story just made me cry, thats soo sad. My husband dosnt really show emotion either. because "hes in the Marines hes supposed to be tough." & all that good stuff. But honestly, Ive been with my husband since i was 14. he left for boot camp when i was 15 years old. Being soo young i didnt know what i was getting myself into honestly. But i dont regret it a day in my life. but anyway the first time He came home which was from boot camp he got to come home for 10 days the time i spent with him was amazing because i was just glad to have him home and know he was safe and by my side again. My husband left the new years eve 2009 to go to his first duty station. It was horrible, we sat in the drive way for a few hours just talkin and talkin then the stupid song amazed by lonestar came over the radio and i just broke down i didnt know it at the time because i was trying to be strong for him and not let him see me cry because i didnt want things to be harder on him. but when i looked over he was crying to. i couldnt help but cry harder when i seen him break down. he just took me in his arms hugged me and said "babe dont cry." since that night saying goodbye gets a little biit more easy each time. but only a little bit, not much.(: everytime he walks out that door. i realized i was standing alone with my hopes dreams and fears. it was the hardest times ever. Since then hes beeen in japan for the last two years and is now back in oceanside, CA. Thank god i got to move with him this time. You just gotta stay strong hun i know its hard at times, but things dont always go as planned. you just gotta stay strong and be there for him, because he is def missing you as much as your missing him. i can promise you. (:<br />
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Semper Fi.<3

Hey girl! My man is like that as well! He rarely shows emotion. And when he does it hits me hard. I've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and he left to bootcamp about a month and a half ago so we are halfway through. Let me tell you, I was scared! I was scared that not being around would change him, change me, change us. But what I realized, is that the distance is definitely making us stronger! I'm not saying its easy, I have cried and cried till I can't cry anymore. It helps though. Don't hold it in Kus it will eventually all come out! I really recommend that when he leaves to bootcamp that you write to him! I can't stress that enough, he will be very homesick and feel very alone when he leaves so make sure you write him from day 1. Also a tip, you won't know his address until he's 2-3 weeks into bootcamp and his parents get a letter with his address, but you can contact his recruiter a week after he leaves and he can get you his address earlier;) & also, make sure you talk and vent sites like these are so much help! I am actually in a group on Facebook with families of recruits that are in bootcamp with my bf right now! They are so much help! Because they know wht your going through. But yeah vent and write ! :) also keep yourself busy, sice your in college that shouldn't be an issue, but don't sit around and be down, keep yourself busy and time will fly!! Appreciate every second you have with him now girly :)

hey girl! my man was the same way. we had only been dating for a month when he left for basic. i still remember the week before he left i blubbered like a baby and he finally broke that day and cried with me. he wont admit it but he did. <br />
basically all i can tell you is stay strong. there will be days where you just wanna cry. trust me crying will help! keep busy and make memories before he leaves. bootcamp will be hard but having a site like this will help. i was only 16 when i started dating my man so i was worried we would become distant bc i was so young and he was gonna be so far away. weve been together for almost two years and its been hard but no relationship is perfect. if you feel like your connection is fading then try talking and getting back to the feelings you had in the beginning. <br />
if you need someone to talk to you can message me :)<br />