Ease My Mind Please!!!

Ok, so my ex and I have two daughters together, and he wants me back. Which is BOGUS. But he hasnt given up in over a year and even though he has a pregnant girlfriend, he asks me to dinner, asks me to stay the night blah blah and I ALWAYS SAY NOOOOO!!!!

Well, when he found out about Ian last November, he freaked out and texted him saying we were still sleeping together, (Ian was in NC I am in IA)

At the time Ian and I werent together for very long so Ian got upset but mostly just because he didn't have the time to deal with a jealous ex especially when he is far away. Well, Ian is deployed and I have been doing everything in my power to make Ian feel as loved and supported as possible. I write him EVERY day just normal daily emails. I send packages at least once a month, well tomorrow he has been deployed for two months and I've sent three packages already. ANYHOO-- my ex tried to grab my butt when I was picking up my kids from him and we got into this HUGE fight because he is NOT allowed to touch me. EVER. So he retaliated and ended up finding Ian on Facebook and messaged him that we have been sexually together before he deployed and several times since. WHICH IS COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT. :'( Well... I ignored it because #1 I didn't think Ian would even READ the message when he saw who it was from #2 I didn't want Ian to think I was stressing about it because if I am stressed he will stress for me too, and #3 I honestly didn't think Ian would believe him or care. Well, after he read it Ian posted on his wall, "doesn't f*@$#&* have time for this at all! >:[ " So I messaged him asking if he was ok, and he was very short and disconnected in his message back and since it was on FB I could SEE when he read my reply. I wrote I love you. and he saw it the same minute but didn't reply ANYTHING back. I've written several emails and messages since then and he has seen them but still hasnt replied. Today makes day FOUR... with NO contact. I'm freaking out because I don't know where we stand. Like does he believe him? Does he NOT want to be with me because he cant handle my ex and the drama he causes? I dont want to freak him out MORE by freaking out but I need to know whats going on in our relationship. Anyone have advice about what I can do to ease my mind about this?
lovethewhale lovethewhale
22-25, F
4 Responses Jul 11, 2012

I agree with these ladies. Another thing I would do though, is have Ian block your ex. Ovbiously this is a recurring issue and your ex is not going to stop. So to avoid future drama, block him. And from now on when you pick up your kids, try and have a friend ride with you and try and stay a few feet away from him at all times. Ian is probably just taking time to adjust to the situation and think. He will respond soon enough.

Yeah, I've done all the things you guys have recommended. I guess the part I am freaking out about is that I have written him on FB and it shows when someone reads it and he has read all my messages but hasn't replied at all. Its just a waiting game but I just wish he would let me know that WE are ok and that we are stronger than this. I WONT let anyone come between us, but I feel so guilty that he had to stress for even one second about me when he is THERE... of all places. :( Thank you for the advice ladies!

Just give him time and space. This is the biggest fear of most of the guys so just give it time since you've explained the situation. I'm sure he'll reply when he is ready but if you write him letters continue to do that if not I wouldn't message him until he messages you. I'm sure everything will be fine in the end.

i agree just give him time he'll get back to you when he's ready.

Write him a letter explaining everything that happened, the *** grabbing and the fighting. Tell him you didn't say anything before because you didn't want to upset him and what not. Reassure him that you want nothing to do with your ex and that you would never cheat on him. Tell him the reasons that you love him and remind him that you would never do anything to hurt him.

you should go check with a lawyers, see if you have a good case for harrasment or such. some lawyers give an initial free consultation, check it out. If you havnt alrdy, you should explain the whole situation to your Marine, not just bit and pieces and saying 'it aint true'. just so he can grasp a better understanding. Plus, your man might be out in the field so he cant reply...

I wish I knew how to help on this one but I don't. Sounds like you're ex has some serious issues and very little respect for people who allow him the right to be crazy. I'd say keep doin what you're doing. I wish there was some sort of legal way to fix it all but i don't know enough about laws to help you out there. Its hard to be a good mom to your girls when you are constantly trying to fight off their dad when you bring them to see him. Stay strong eventually he will talk