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At A Loss...

Hello, I have been dating my Marine for nearly 2 years now. I met him through a mutual friend while he was still stationed in North Carolina. 4 months into our relationship, he was sent to Afghanistan. Saying goodbye to him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I didn't see him for 9 months, then he had a 2 week R &R that went by way too quickly, and 3 more months in Afghanistan. We communicated mostly via email, and sometimes Skype when he was able to get internet service. We stayed true to each other and I'm happy to say he returned home to a more than ecstatic girlfriend. We had our squabbles, which seemed much worse over email.... but nothing more than any normal couple. We've been planning to live together ever since he got back, but he hasn't found a place to buy yet, so we have to commute about 45 minutes to his or my house to see each other. Recently, he got a pipeline job, so he is usually gone all week (only home on the weekends) unless they are working close to home. So when he is home, he has a bunch of things he wants to get done, or people to go see. If I want any time with him, I have to drive to see him, and that's if I fit into his plans. He no longer compliments me it seems, and we never have alone time. He was coming home the other night and I told him I would be at home alone, so he should come by after work. He got off work at 5, and I was expecting him to come over... but at 7 when I texted him, he told me it was pointless because he would only be there for an hour before he had to drive back home. This is the third time this month he has foregone coming to see me while I have the house to myself. Also, he would only have to get up maybe an hour earlier if he came to stay at my house, and left for work in the morning from here. I have gone to stay with him multiple times when I had to work in the morning, and my job is 50 minutes closer to my place than his! I woke up 2 hours early to leave because I just wanted to stay with him. So I don't understand why he can't give me any of his time, and why the compliments or the affection have stopped. The last time I saw him, we watched TV, went to sleep, and he didn't wake me up to kiss me goodbye like he normally does in the am... in fact, we never kissed at all that night. I don't know what to do... Could it really be time to give up on the man I waited a year for... not even sure he would make it home to me? I just haven't been happy lately from the lack of attention, love, and time. I'm desperate to fix things between us, but I'm not going to be unhappy either. Any advice for an aching heart? Thanks!
EquineHeart1 EquineHeart1 18-21, F 5 Responses Aug 1, 2012

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Yes almost all marines are stubborn, :/ it sucks but is part of the reason we love them also. But here's the thing, you don't want to be unhappy, but you can't avoid the issue in fear he's going to just give up! If you're feeling like your at a fork in the road where you both have to decide if you want to keep going or go a separate way, then you NEED to confront the issue and give you both a fightin chance. It's going to hurt if he's not on the same page obviously, but it's going to hurt longer and more if you guys just stick this out because you don't want to figure things out. <br />
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He needs to be willing to work with you, you guys are actually extremely close! My husband and I were 2.5 hours away from each other when we were dating, and if he wasn't in the field or working or even if he had only half a day to spend he would drive out to see me. I get he's back from deployment, it's been hard for my husband adjusting back also. But that doesn't excuse him closing you out at all. You can't be the only one in thiss relationship making it work. Maybe he doesn't realize your feeling this way or how serious he's hurting you right now,, but you NEED to talk to him about it and figure out where this relationship is going.

That's very helpful... I agree. I'm going to do the best I can to make him understand where I'm coming from. I can only hope he loves me as much as I love him. Thanks for the words of encouragement!

No problem :) and try and confront the issue in a loving way, if you go aggressive saying he needs to do this or that he's going to shut down. So say you'd appreciate him making more effort cause you feel like your the only one right now or something along those lines. Just try and be gentle and loving when you bring it up to him..

I agree with these ladies! You need to tell him how you feel! You don't have to demand him to change or anything, but he needs to know how you are feeling. Be calm patient and loving. But communication is key

He is so stubborn though (I wouldn't be surprised if most Marines are...) and I'm afraid that if I say things need to change, or he needs to get help, that he will just end the relationship. I know he loves me... heused to tell me I was one of the only things getting him through deployment, but if I try to tell him that I need him to be more loving he's going to see it as me trying to control him & I'M NOT. I've never wanted that. But he thought I was being controlling one day when I asked him who he was going to the movies with... he said that it didn't matter and i shouldn't need to know (don't jump to conclusions... he was with his brother & sister...) So I'm just so lost on how to fix this.

my husband was like this after deployment, he still is most days. You need to sit down with him and have an actual face to face conversation with him and figure out whats going on. It could be anything at this point so you need to and you deserve to find out whats going on.

I think you need to have a face to face talk with him and ask him what is bothering him, what changed. But it needs to be face to face, not on the phone, or text. But you also need to remember that a lot of boys come home from deployment and they are a little off for a minute, there is a good chance he is unintentionally pushing you away.