Confused Marine's "girl"

So hi, sorry this is so long!! my name's Amelia and I've gone through a year with "my" marine. We've dated and been best friends for the past 4 years, only dating officially for a year. A year ago when he came to me and told me he would be joining the Marines I supported him 100%. We weren't dating at that point but we started to get closer and opening up to eachother again. I wrote him throughout bootcamp and he came to spend 4 days out of his 10 day leave with me about 3 hrs away from his family. We talked about dating but he didn't want to start anything because he would be in Monterey at the Defense Language Institute for 18 months leaning Arabic. He didn't think he could commit to me and his work and told me not to wait for him.

Flash forward to a few weeks while he was waiting for MCT to start and he called me saying he wanted me to move to where he got stationed when he got there.

Throughout his schooling we've talked every single week and he says he talks to me more than his own family. He says he sees a future with me but doesn't want me to wait but really hates when I talk to other guys and has always been very honest with things in our "relationship". He is very busy with school and has encouraged me to talk to other people with significant others in the military so that I can be prepared.

So jump forward to present day. He invited me out and I flew out there to see him in California -from the Virgin islands where I now live- for a few days (all we could get because he's super busy). We spent every moment together we could, he got a rental car for me so I could drive around while he was in class and got my hotel room. I left missing him so much but also found that he had been sleeping with other people. He says it's just sex and I have nothing to worry about when it comes to me and him. He says that once he gets done with school next November we will work things out and move forward. He also said if I didn't live in the Virgin Islands we would be together.

I guess my question is should I keep hoping that it will happen? If something better comes along I guess I could date someone else but the truth is, I'm very much in love with him. I just dont know how to handle caring so much and having no control over things. I have a job that I love here and I'm happy I just miss him every single day, even if I'm very busy.

I'm hoping that sticking by him without giving up my life will help him understand that I'm serious about him. His father was military and he says he doesn't want to put me through this for the next 15-20 years if I don't want it. He's seen how hard it can be and doesn't want me to get hurt.

He calls me his girl and has introduced me to his friends and talks about me to them because they knew who I was so that's good? I just don't know what to do anymore. I can't get over him if I keep talking to him, but I want to be there for him. I'm just not sure if he's serious about a future together

Once again, sorry this is so long!
alk07 alk07
22-25, F
8 Responses Sep 25, 2012

I love him and trust him very much but I told him I didn't think he was being fair to me and I needed a commitment from him. The only thing that separates what we are doing now from a relationship is him not sleeping with other people. So I've ended it for the time being. I need some time to decide if this is what I want. It's gone on for so long, I just don't know. Thank you all for your advice! I'm overwhelmed by how nice and supportive you all are :) hopefully me and him can work things out in the future when things aren't so complicated!

If you think he can be faithful and he is what you want..stick it out! Personally I would be so mad and upset with him sleeping with other people that I wouldn't be able to trust him. And without trust comes arguing. And with arguing comes failed relationships and broken hearts. So, do what you feel is best for YOU. Even if it means a broken heart for now. Good luck!!

Sexy girl

I'm so glad you've joined here :) it is a great place and everyone is always so sweet and supportive. About your Marine-my sister is going through a similar situation with a guy. He keeps talking to her and spending time with her, but won't commit to a relationship. It is such a hard situation and I understand that you don't want to let him go. But, and this is just me, it would bother me if someone said he loved me and wanted to be with me and then slept with other people. If this is really what you want, I guess the only thing to do is be honest about your feelings and let him know what you want.

I hope whatever your decision is that you are happy! My name is Autumn :) if you ever need to talk feel free to message me!

Let it all out, thats what were all here for is to support each other when no one else understand. But if you think its deffinetley in your heart the right thing to do then stick through it. Keep your head up!

Thank you guys so much! I'm happy you havent been through this with your men because it really sucks! I've been thinking that he's making excuses but every time I bring it up to him he promises he isn't and that he just really wants to focus on school. He was faithful-to my knowledge- when we did date officially because he sees a title as a reason to be faithful and he doesn't want to date when he doesn't think either of us can be faithful. It's actually a really tough situation. I don't want to leave him if he says he's doing the best he can, but it's hard. We both come from families where one or both of our parents have cheated on the other due to distance and I know it makes me hesitant to do long distance, and it may him as well. Sorry these are so long, I've just been keeping it in for awhile!

He sounds like he seems to be making excuses as to why y'all can't be together, instead just kinda stringing you along so he always has someone to talk to. I've never been in the position so I can't speak from experience, I think you should have a serious conversation about what you both want and if he is truly serious.

Dang girl, thats pretty crazy! I deff dont know what to say cause i've never been in that situation. But I know its probably hard for you, especially him sleeping with other girls and yall being in love. Could he really be faithful? I really like this story, its taught me stuff. My bfs only in basic now soo idk what to expect. I really hope we make it through this. I'm in love with him. But goodluck to yalls relationship!